


Where the Dust Blows Thick

by CrappyDestielFanfics



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Destiel - Freeform, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, SPN - Freeform, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, Top Castiel, Top Dean, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-23 21:10:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrappyDestielFanfics/pseuds/CrappyDestielFanfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas are in the army and end up being assigned to be each other's partners. They have to spend all of their time together facing the trials of war. Cas is scared that people will find out about his sexuality, and be targeted by the other men for it. Eventually the two become close and Dean struggles with his feelings for Cas. Eventually the two are separated and struggle greatly with being apart. Eventual hurt and angst, but happy ending. (Warnings of character injury) (If you have family at war I recommend not reading. I am not an expert on war and I can't know what it is like to have family members experience what Cas and Dean are depicted to experience.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gone to War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean begin their journey. They meet and get to know each other on the plane. Things aren't entirely comfortable, but they hope they'll be able to work together and keep each other safe.

Dean felt the wheels of the car skid across the pavement as they pulled into the air base. Quickly, he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the truck. Looking around he took in the new environment. The place was big, like any military airfield should be. There were people everywhere, frantically getting ready for the flight that would soon depart. He saw supply trucks probably filled with various boxes probably food and ammunition. 

He followed the other men and got into formation, still looking around at it all. Tightening his muscles and looking straight forward, Dean saluted his captain before walking with the other men towards one of the hangers. Hearing the marching steps of his group, Dean saw the large plane that would change his life. He was going to war.

 

Castiel had been formation for what seemed like eternity. They were waiting for the last group of men to arrive before taking off. Although he was nervous about going into an open combat zone, at this point, he just wanted to take his seat on the plane and relax, even if it was just for a bit. 

Growing up, Castiel never imagined himself joining the Armed Forces. But once he became an adult he felt like he owed something to his country. The journey had been anything but easy. He had been training for months for this tour. He had ran countless miles, done countless push-ups, pull-ups, sit ups, and shot countless rounds. He spent hours in the classroom learning military history, tactics, and safety. But it was all worth it, and now he was ready to go off and save the world. Or so he was told. 

People always glorified the soldier. Castiel never really thought it was as glamorous as people made it out to be. He was a good man, who wanted to serve his country. He was thankful for what God had graced him with, he was thankful for his family, his life, his education, and the peace and safety he had in his own country. And he wanted to be a part of providing that safety for others. But never once did he think of himself as a hero, or someone special for doing this. He just thought he was doing what he owed. 

He heard the familiar loud boot steps that could be only one thing, the last group. With a sigh of relief, Castiel straightened up as he saw the final captain arrive. 

"Captain Herolds with battalion 189-C." The man said as his group stopped and turned in perfect unison.

"I believe Lieutenant Winchester has a something to say," the captain's voice was booming as he pointed to a man down the line. A man stepped forward. He was not the center of attention as all the men lined up turned their gaze towards him.

"Commander, I apologise for making you and the rest of the men here wait," the man said as if he had rehearsed it a million times before. 

"And why exactly did you make your battalion late Lieutenant?" The commander questioned with a look of anger in his eyes.

"I can't help it if I have a nervous bladder Commander, can I?" Lieutenant Winchester replied this time with a hint on laughter in his voice. Around him Cas heard the other men laugh quietly before getting a glare from the Commander causing their amusement to quickly vanish.

"Get back in your place, you have made us late already! And I hope your nerves are gone by the time we arrive,” the commander said, pacing in front of the perfectly still rows of men before him as Winchester stepped back in his place, a smirk spreading across his face.

"This is war were going into. No time for fun and games like you little brats are used to. People are going to get hurt; people are going to die. Not all of you are going to make it home, and if you do, you can bet you’re gonna be a hell of a lot different than when you arrived." The Commander turned to look at all of them before saluting and turning to walk into the plane. 

There was definitely a new tension forming amongst the men. This was all suddenly becoming very real. Soon they would be out in a whole new world facing countless dangers every day. 

Castiel looked back at the man who had held them up. The man, whose name he had forgotten. He looked ridged now, like all the other men, with the smirk whipped clean off his face. He wondered if the man had been telling the truth before. ’Had he really been that nervous? He’s gonna have to either fix that, or learn to deal with that before he actually goes into battle and decides to stop the whole thing in order to pee.’ The thought made Castiel laugh a bit, tilting his head down and smiling. The voice of one of the captains brought him back to reality, "Novack! Is something funny?" 

"No Sir." Castiel replied, face wiped stone cold but inside he was full of nerves. 

"That's what I thought." Sneered his superior. Heading towards the ramp of the plane the captain shouted, "Now you all have been given your seat assignment. Everyone with an even numbered seat, when you find your spot, turn to your left and you will find your new best friend. You two will share a tent, do chores together, eat at the same time, shower at the same time, and be in charge of keeping a sharp eye on each other in battle. Take the time to get to know one another on the plane. Because believe me, you're gonna want to get along, cuz you won't be leaving each other's side." And with that, the captain marched up into the plane and was gone. 

 

The men looked around quickly deciding it was ok to relax and pick up their bags. Talking amongst the men resumed and a dull roar sounded in the hanger as men carried themselves up the ramp, talking the whole way aboard. 

Castiel was usually a solitary man. That's one thing that particularly worried him about being in war, being a team player. 'It’s not like I can't do it,' he had thought countless times throughout his training, 'I'm just not used to it.' Remembering his training, and how much work he put into this, he knew he could do it. Castiel was smart, very smart. He was used to doing things alone, and relying on himself. He had a lot of siblings. And they had always managed to get through chores and life together, maybe like a team. 

As he entered the plane Castiel glanced at his paper ‘67’ it read. He looked at the numbers walking around seeing other men find their places. Seeing others calm and in their spot made him feel a bit distant. He wanted to be in his spot, in his place, comfortable. But despite his knowledge that he could be a team player, he always felt like an outsider. He's never really fit in. But he really hoped finally, here, he would. 

Soon, he found seat 67 and took his place. He stowed his bad below his seat and got comfortable, looking around to try to see who was going to be sitting on his right. He hoped to god it would be someone manageable. Someone who was different than him. A true team player, who could show him how it's done. Someone who could be his 'best friend'. As he was looking around, he felt someone sit down next to him, and looked over. 

The man looked up at him with wide green eyes. He gave Castiel a warm smile saying, "So I see your on my left, I guess were going to be best friends now, aren't we." Laughing, the man stuck out his hand, Castiel received it, feeling the firm grasp shake his hand, "I'm Winchester, Dean Winchester." 

 

Dean was nervous. He was trying hard as hell to appear cool and calm for his new partner. He wanted the guy to like him, he wanted this to be easy and for this whole tour to go smoothly. But he knew they never did. Someone always got hurt, or died. After releasing the other man’s soft hand he nervously rubbed his palms against his pants looking down saying, "So, you have a name?" 

"Oh- uh" the other man replied. Dean looked up to see the man nervously looking at him saying, "Yea sorry. Novak. Castiel Novak." 

"So Cas, come here often, or is this your first time too?” Dean asked trying to stay relaxed. He heard the plane door close as they all settled in. Fastening his seatbelt, Dean remembered that this wasn't like a normal plane ride. There would be no stewardesses, no peanuts in a bag, no TV on the head of the chair. Just 17 hours of turbulence, nerves, anxiety, trying to get to know your new partner, and pretending he can actually sleep on a plane. 

Their conversation was interrupted by safety instructions. And men getting back up to properly stow their bags away. It took a few minutes, but eventually they began rolling out of the hanger. 

“So like I said, you done this before?”

"Yea, uh- I mean, no this is my first time too." The man looked terrified. But maybe he always looked, Dean thought. He had dark hair and light eyes that looked big with nervousness. "But I think I'm ready you know, I mean we've all had our fair amount of training I suppose." Dean watched as the man tried to sound confident, but he knew it was just a wall. And hell, he knew he was just as nervous. 

"Yea, I guess you’re right. But you never really know what it's going to be like really." They had all heard the stories. In the news, from friends, family. It's hard to go a day without seeing something about Americas "heroes". Dean was excited to do his part, but he knew it was risky and was going to be the hardest thing he would ever do. He hoped to hell this new guy, Cas would be good for him. Someone who could help him, support him, and was a good shot. "I mean we all hear what they say in the news, people getting captured, tortured, shot, wounded, exploded... killed." Dean drifted off, resuming his nervous habit with his hands. 

"Yea... I guess." Cas mumbled, "but we should be fine... right?" 

"Yea! I mean, you've got me as a partner! You'll be fine!" He exclaimed, trying to sound confident as he patted Cas's knee, "So, why don't we change the subject. Hmmm let’s see," Dean considered, trying to think of something to brighten their mood. To momentarily distract them from the fact that they would soon be in the midst of battle. "Hey, got a favourite sport?" 

Castiel looked up, thankful for the change of subject. "Well, I mean I'm not really into watching sports. I played soccer for like three years when I was in high school, but..." 

 

"Hey, well that's cool! I love soccer! It's actually my favourite sport! Maybe if we have some free time while were on tour, we can play a few games with the other guys. Schools are always sending sports equipment to soldiers!" 

Dean was clearly very into sports, well at least soccer Cas thought. At least they had something they could talk about. Castiel’s brothers loved soccer, and had played all their lives and watched every game they could. So by sibling osmosis, he knew quite a bit about the sport’s various teams, well, enough to keep up with Dean.

"My favorite team is Germany," Dean continued, "I would love to go there one day and watch them play at home." Castiel could see the joy and excitement in Dean's face.

"That would be quite amazing," Castiel replied, “Do you travel a lot?" 

"Eh, not really. My mom died when I was young, so it's just been my dad with my brother and I. Money has always been tight. So I haven't had the chance to travel abroad. But I've been just about everywhere in America!" 

Cas was startled by how easily Dean glazed over the death of his mother. But Cas expected Dean was used the topic being brought up, and had blocked most emotional response to it. 

"I'm sorry about your mom," Castiel said softly, looking up at Dean. 

"Its ok man, it was a long time ago, and my brother and dad are great! How about you, travel much?" 

In truth, Cas had travelled, a lot. His parents were well off, to say the least. And despite having six siblings, his parents never missed a travel season. Taking them all over the world. He had so far been to Asia, Europe, South America, and to a few countries in North America like Canada and Guatemala.

"I've travelled a bit. It's one thing my family actually all likes to do." 

"Dude, that's awesome! Yea, I really want to explore the world, you know? When I get enough money, that's what I'm going to do, travel the world! I think that is one of the reasons why I was so keen in joining the army, I get to see a new part of the world."

Cas loved traveling, it really was one of his favourite things to do. So he was happy he might be able to discuss their travel goals together and dream of epic trips. 

"Yea, I think I would like doing that too." Cas said thinking about how cool it would be to go on his own trip around the world. 

"Ok!" Dean exclaimed, sticking his hand out once more, "It's a date, you and me. When we get back, we're gonna travel the world." 

Seeing no other option Cas took his hand and shook, smiling at the idea. 'A date...' He thought, 'well... Maybe- no.' Cas thought, throwing the idea out of his head.

"And I'll take you to that soccer game I was talking about. That will be the first thing we do, start it off with a bang!" 

Cas looked over at Dean who had a wide smile across his golden skin. He was a dreamer, that's for sure. But that meant he was adventurous, and took risks, more so that Castiel usually did. And he was into sports, so he was a team player, 'thank God,' Cas thought, smiling back at Dean, his might not be so bad. 

The plain began to speed up and shook as they began speeding across the run way. Cas could see men around him saying their prayers for a safe flight. He looked over at Dean whose face had now relaxed. He looked calm. Pretty calm considering what they were going into, but maybe that would be a good thing. He felt the plain lift off the ground rising steadily into the air. Cas tried to pop his ears on the way up, that always annoyed the hell out of him. After a few minutes, the plain levelled out and they were on their way. 

 

Dean ended up chatting about for a couple of hours while Cas listened intently and occasionally interjected. Dean was pleased that he and his new partner were getting along, and it seemed that they may make a pretty good team.

The ride was pretty smooth. There was one point about an hour over the Atlantic that the turbulence started really going, but it quickly passed, it seemed to the relief of all the men on board. They ended up getting water and various other snacks passed out about seven hours into the flight, but there were no peanuts, but Dean remembered again, this wasn’t a normal flight. He was most of all thankful that he didn’t have to take a piss yet, he took care of that earlier.

 

“So, do you have anyone waiting for you when you get home?” dean asked, turning to Cas.

“I mean, yea. I guess my family?” Cas shrugged answering the question.  
“No man, I mean like a girl or something”

Cas wasn’t too keen on the fact that only seven hours into his tour, he was being asked about his dating habits, and e.g. his sexuality. He thought he would manage to at least wait a bit longer before this conversation came up, and at least he would be able to lie pretty easily about it, or just change the subject if the others kept prying. But he thought Dean’s question was pretty ambiguous, and deserved a pretty honest answer.

“Oh, well no. I guess not.” Cas answered looking away from Dean, pausing before continuing, “So, how about you? Do you have a girl waiting for you at home, or a guy…? I guess?”

“Ha! No man, unfortunately I don’t have either.”

Cas was surprised at the other man’s ease over the boyfriend part, and greatly relieved for that. He always made a point to not make judgments about other people.

“I mean, I did…” Dean continued, looking away as he brought his hand through his hair, before nervously rubbing them on his thighs.

“She was pretty great, her body man...” Dean paused for a second, not knowing what to say. Cas felt pretty awkward. It wasn’t really his thing to talk about how gorgeous of a body some woman had. It didn’t really ever do anything for him besides make him uncomfortable.

“Was she nice, funny, smart” Cas questioned, trying to act interested in Dean’s previous relationships.

“Oh well, I mean, it wasn’t really that kind of relationship.” Dean clearly was embarrassed and started jittering his leg.

“I mean she was hot as hell, but pretty much only good for a good fuck.”

“I see,” Cas mumbled, wishing immediately they never started talking about this. He didn’t really like how Dean was referring to this woman, but who knows, maybe they both wanted it that way. 

“Anyway, she was good, um at a lot of… things,” Dean said blushing, “But I don’t think I can go for just that anymore, you know? I need something more.” 

Dean was telling the truth, but he left out some minor details. That girl was really pretty great, well in the bed at least. But Dean knew that couldn’t keep him happy forever. And he also started noticing a few other things about himself. 

At first, he tried to blame it on him drinking, he was at a bar the first time it happened, but he knew that was a lie. He started noticing guys. Everything about them, suddenly they were what captured his attention. He wasn’t really paying attention to the girl across the room’s rack or the long hair of the girl smiling at him. Dean began to look at the shoulders of the guy sitting at the bar. The jawline and the arms of the man playing pool. 

It was pretty confusing for him, but he couldn’t say he was surprised. These things had happened before. And always at the worst times. He was on the soccer team when he was in High School, and sometimes the locker room got a bit too hot for his comfort. But he always tried to push that away like it was nothing.

“So how bout you? Had any good fucks lately,” Dean asked, trying to forget about himself for a minute. 

“Um, yea…” Cas replied, “I mean, yea…” 

“Was she just good in bed, or was she more than that,” Dean asked.

“Um, well,” Cas paused, trying to think of how to put it. He didn’t like lying about his sexuality. He wanted to be an example of someone who wasn’t afraid of who he was or what could happen to him because of that, “He was good, overall I mean. I just-“

“Oh,” Dean mumbled softly.

Cas immediately regretted what he had just said, he knew he shouldn’t have said it. His friends had warned him, men at war never want to hear about the fag they have to fight with. ‘God I‘m fucked.’ Cas thought. He suddenly got up, knowing he needed to quickly escape this awkwardness, and headed towards the bathroom. "Um, I have to use the restroom... Sorry." 

The line was about three men deep, so at least he would be able to stall for time. Castiel hoped this really wasn’t going to be a problem. As far as he knew, Dean was currently asking to switch partners, and he would be red flagged and everyone would avoid him. Four months of relentless fag jokes was going to suck Castiel thought. Looking around, he saw all the other men on board. Some were sleeping, but most were chatting away. He wished life was simpler, and that he could be like everyone else. As the line shortened Cas felt his heart racing faster and faster. He tried to stay calm. He didn’t want to lose it here, in front of everyone. Feeling his abdomen fill with pain his breathing quickened. The room swayed as his vision fuzzed over a bit. ‘Shit,’ he thought. Cas hated having panic attacks, but if he ever was going to have one, this was the time. Everything was fucking ruined. He could see himself at camp being beat and kicked by the other men as they spit on him and shouted slurs. Just as he began hyperventilating, the door opened and he ran in. 

Leaning over the sink he tried to concentrate and control his breathing. His breath shook as he started choking on the air. After a few tense seconds, he was able to slowly begin to calm down. He immediately splashed his face with the cool water. Feeling the chill calm him just enough as he looked at his reflection. He looked tired, and worried, he looked like shit. But he had to go back out there and continue with this. There was no turning back. All of them were in this for the long haul. Trying to gain all confidence, Cas stood up straight, and left the stall. He quickly walked back to his seat, and was surprised to see Dean still sitting there, in the exact same position as before.

 

“So why’d you break up?” Dean said, looking over at Cas. 

The question took Cas off guard. He was expecting much worse. He didn’t know expected exactly but it was a lot more life ending. Cas just sat there for a few moments trying to gather his thoughts and ultimately forgetting what Dean had even asked him. 

“W-what?”

“Why’d you and your boyfriend break up?”

So he had heard him right. ‘Is he really ok with this,’ Cas thought. 

“I mean, I liked him, a lot. And he loved me… but he just wasn’t right, you know?”

Dean sat their thinking about what Cas had said. He knew exactly what Cas meant, and he felt the exact same way.

“I do,” Dean said, “More so than you will ever know.”

For the next few minutes Dean listened to the dull rumble of the engines and that chatting going on around him. Soon he realized how tired, and that it would probably be a good idea to sleep for a bit, even though he knew he had never been able to do it before on a plane. Shutting his eyes, Dean let his mind wander he thought about what it would be like at war, and if he was really prepared. He thought about his family at home, and was even looking forward to getting letters from them all. And he thought of Cas. He was thankful that he was his partner. He knew he was lucky for that. Cas seemed like a pretty cool guy. He knew this whole thing was going to be hard, but he was thankful for how it seemed to be going so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Reviews would be appreciated! This fanfic is mostly done, so you don't have to worry about me not finishing it. I will post a chapter once a week, so make sure you follow the story!
> 
> You can also follow my works on tumblr at; http://crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com/


	2. We're Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two finally make it to camp and try to get used to the new environment.

“Rise and shine sleeping beauties, were here!” One of the other men said as Dean felt his shoulder being shook.

“Awww, don’t wake them! They look so cuttteeee!” Someone else joked.

Dean was momentarily confused until he realized he was sleeping on Cas’s shoulder. Groggily he pulled his head up trying to wake himself up before turning to Cas. Shaking Cas’s leg he said “Hey man, wake up, were here.”

Cas slowly woke up to Dean’s voice and a hand shaking him up. “Wha-t, are we there yet?”

“Yup Novak, and you and pretty boy here seem to be getting pretty cozy during your ‘quality time’, now get up, and get going!”

Cas was confused, really confused, ‘Cozy…’ he thought, “What the hell was that about?” Cas asked Dean, “What is he talking about?”

They both reached for their bags under their chairs before heading out of the aircraft with the rest of the men, “Well, I man have fallen asleep on your shoulder… and you may have been leaning pretty closely to me as well…”

 

“Oh god,” Cas groaned, “Its already starting, hasn’t it?”

“Hey, don’t worry man, they’re just messing around!” Dean replied, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Crap man,” Dean said, looking around as he stepped off the plane, “We’re really here,”

Before them were countless men, clad in sandy colored uniforms, with helmets, bullet proof vest, and guns. They began lining up as jeeps sped by carrying different loads of supplies. They saw more vehicles line up around them, probably preparing them to their specific camps. The main thing they noticed was the desert, and the heat.   
It was beautiful here, like a whole other world. This was definitely going to be a life changing experience, for the both of them, “I guess this is it man,” Dean said looking at Cas, “This is where everything is going to change.” 

The ride through the desert was long, hot, and rough. The roads weren’t quite as smooth as they were back home, or as paved. It was a bumpy ride to say the least. But it was at least interesting to watch the landscape change around them. This place was completely different, like nothing they had ever seen or experienced before. ‘At least it’s not humid,’ Dean thought, noticing the dryness in the air. As they swerved around a corner sharply and came to a sudden stop, Cas rammed into Dean. 

“Oh crap, I’m sorry, are you ok?” Cas looked up at Dean with worry in his eyes.

“Yea, don’t sweat it Cas, I’ll be fine,” Dean answered rubbing his arm and shoulder.

Castiel smiled in response. He saw some men leaving the other vehicles but knew they were supposed to stay put. They were the last stop, so they must be almost there he thought. They began moving again as Castiel began thinking about his new nickname, ‘Cas… I guess it could work,’ no one had ever called him that before, and he usually preferred his real mane to any nicknames people had come up with over the years. But for some reason, he was ok with Dean referring to him in this way, he actually liked it.

It was getting dark, and Cas soon realized how tired he was. ‘This time change is really screwing with me,’ he thought, noticing that he was beginning to nod off. He really did want to sleep, but he didn’t want a repeat of earlier. ‘No way am I falling asleep on him again,’ he thought, looking over at Dean who had his eyes closed. Perhaps not asleep, just resting. Cas looked at the man beside him and studied his features. He had beautiful tanned olive skin and light freckles dusted his cheeks and nose. His hair was brown and looked soft to the touch. He had long eyelashes that crowned his face making it prettier than it needed to be. Cas felt his stomach rise as he quickly looked away. ‘Not here’, he thought, ‘Not now.’

Cas tried to focus on something else. But his thoughts kept going to Dean. He was beautiful really. Everything about him so far seemed perfect. He was kind, friendly, and easy to talk to. He was tall and toned. His voice was rough and deep and his face was beautiful and spotted with different tones, adding a uniqueness to his features.

Cas realized he shouldn’t be doing this. He needed to stay focused, what he was doing was completely inappropriate he thought, especially here. He let his mind wander as they drove deeper through the desert and into the night.

“Were here men! Get up,” Dean heard someone yell, as he awoke once more. He looked over and saw Cas asleep next to him. He looked so calm. Dean stared as the other men left the vehicle, he looked at Cas’s deep brown hair and wondered what it would be like to run his hands through it. He looked at his lips, which appeared soft and delicate. Everything about Cas seemed perfect to him he thought as he felt a flutter inside of him. “Shit,” Dean said, “Not here…”

“W-whaat?” Cas mumbled as he blinked his eyes opened yawning in the process.

“Nothing man,” Dean replied ‘this is bad,’ he thought, “let’s go.”

 

All the men lined up as they were given their tent assignments. It was late, so after they put their packs in their tents, they were supposed to return to the center of camp and get something to eat.

Entering his room, Dean felt his stomach rumble. “Someone sounds hungry,” Cas laughed as he groggily walked in, “Yea, and someone looks tired,” Dean jested.  
The two of them laughed as they quickly dropped off their bags, returning to the center of camp and getting in line for the food.

“So, how do you think the food is gonna taste,” Dean asked.

“Eh, Im hoping for ‘not terrible’,” Cas replied, grabbing two plates for the both of them.

“Thanks,” Dean said, grabbing the plate. He felt his fingertips brush against the back of Cas’s hand and his breath hitched. Cas quickly removed his eyes from Dean’s and looked away. The two continued to the front and got their plates filed with some compilation of rice, vegetables, and chicken. They found seats at a table, and sat across from one another.

“So,” Dean said, taking a bite of his food, “How do you like the place?”

“Actually, it’s better than expected, our tent is pretty big, and the beds seem nice enough.”

“Yea, I had the same thoughts,” Dean looked at Cas as he saw him sniff his food before taking a bite. He laughed to himself before continuing, “We think it’s nice enough now, but let’s just wait until we see the showers and bathrooms…”

“Good point,” Cas answered, before taking another bite of food. He realized it wasn’t as bad as he expected. It was dry, but he knew it was likely to be like that.  
They finished their meals and noticed most of the men had already gone. “So,” dean questioned, “Let’s check out those bathrooms.”

They headed over to where the nearest bathrooms were to their tent, and walked inside. It was nice enough, well, it would do its job. Because the bathroom wasn’t meant to accommodate all the men in camp, it only had three stalls and seven urinals. “It’s not too bad, right,” Dean asked, walking over to the farthest urinal. “Nope, again, better than what I expected,” Cas walked over too, making sure not to take the urinal right next to Dean.

Dean began taking Care of business after he unzipped his pants. He tried not to look over, but it was hard. He usually didn’t have trouble averting his eyes when in the bathroom, but it was different now, and sure as hell a lot harder.

Cas knew he shouldn’t look, but damn it was hard not to. ‘Why the hell did I stand so close to him?’ Cas thought, trying to look anywhere but at Dean. There were actually two urinals between then, but that didn’t make him feel any better. Suddenly he heard Dean zip up his pants, and quickly walk to the sink, never looking his way.  
Castiel was grateful for this little blessing and finished up, washing his hands. He followed Dean out heading towards their tent, neither of them saying a word.  
”So, Dean said, “Which bed do you want?”

“I guess I’m not sure,” Cas replied, “They both look pretty much the same… I guess I’ll just take the one on the right.” He walked over and sat on the bed watching as Dean did the same. Cas took his boots off and slipped them under his bed. He stood up to take his shirt off, but froze when he noticed Dean’s was already off. He couldn’t’t help but stare as he saw Dean fidget with his belt. He noticed his muscled flexing and relaxing with every movementt, the tan that continued all the way down his torso, his eyes gazed on Dean's toned body picking up every nuance.

Dean looked up at him noticing the staring eyes saying, “Is this making you uncomfortable… because I can turn around if-“

“No!” Cas interrupted, his breath catching as he spoke, “I mean, it-its fine, sorry…”

Dean smiled and removed his belt before bending over to remove his shoes. Cas began peeling off his shirt and worked his way to his pants, he dropped them and stepped out, feeling the chill of the night wrap around his body. He straightened up and looked right at Dean, as bare as he was.

The two were staring at each other, and taking each other in. Dean felt his chest flutter as he regained focus saying, “Nice- I mean you look go- I mean, uh” his face lit up as he brought his hand up to the back of his head rubbing it as he looked down embarrassed. “You too,” Cas said quickly as he put his clothes away, trying to mend the awkwardness. “I mean,” he said standing back up “You- uh, never mind.”

“No, what? Dean questioned, his eyes wide with wonder.

“Its nothing,” Cas said quietly, “I think we should get some sleep,” he continued, climbing into his bed.

“Yea, right,” Dean answered, turning off the light, returning to bed, pulling the covers over his exposed body.

“Goodnight Cas,” Dean said quietly, hoping the other man didn’t hear him.

“Goodnight Dean” Cas replied.

 

This was going to be much harder than either of them had anticipated war would ever be, and their main problem was off the battlefield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short! The next chapter is longer!  
> Comments are appreciated and remember to follow the story! A new chapter will be posted every week!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr at: http://crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com/


	3. On the Job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two begin their first official day on tour. They make it to their assigned base and start their work.
> 
> Things have a way of always going wrong, but they manage to have a good time anyway. 
> 
>  
> 
> http://crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com/

The alarm woke Dean much earlier than he had hoped. They did get in pretty late last night, but he didn't expect to feel this shitty this early. He swung his leg off the bed and rubbed his eyes regaining focus and looking around the room. He saw Cas across from him, it looked like he was asleep but Dean figured he was just trying to lay down for a few minutes more. Pulling up his pants, Dean thought about the day ahead of them. They had trained so much, and now they were finally here. They were finally at the front of war. Most people didn't face too much danger, but’ you never know,’ he thought. He pulled on his shirt and began lacing up his boots. As he stood up, he realized Cas was still on his bed. Walking over, Dean said, "Cas? Hey Cas, wake up!"

Cas didn't reply and Dean placed a hand on the man's shoulder and nudged him a few times.

Cas was having a good dream. He was somewhere nice, somewhere he couldn't place his finger on. There was a man next to him arms wrapped around his waist. He felt warm, safe. His dream was abruptly interrupted as he felt the man next to him begin fidgeting, Cas slowly rolled over to see Dean lying next to him. Cas smiled upon seeing the man next to him, the man who had been holding him in his arms. He could see Dean's mouth moving as he felt him shove him a few times. "Hey, Cas! Man, you need to wake up!" He heard growing louder with every work. Slowly his eyes fluttered open and he saw Dean standing over him. His cheeks flushed realizing what he was dreaming about, and waking up to Dean looking right at him.

"W-what?" Cas asked softly as his eyes adjusted to the light.

"Get up man, the horn sounded like five minutes ago, we're gonna be late." 

"Shit," Cas said, quickly getting up and dressing. Fortunately for them both, Cas got ready pretty quickly trying to brush off his dream from his thoughts. He and Dean rushed out of their tent and made their way to where they ate the night before. They saw a line of men and joined them at the end of the line. The group of men moved surprisingly quick ready for their morning meal. 

“It looks like you got a good night’s sleep,” Dean laughed letting his hand tousle Castiel’s hair, “You got some serious bedhead man, maybe you ought to invest in a comb or something.” Cas heard Dean laugh as he replied, “I guess it’s sort of always like this,” he felt his cheeks heat up as he filled with embarrassment.

“But it usually calms down in a bit.” They continued walking feet hitting the desert floor causing the dust to pick up slightly. 

“Well that’s good, I like it either way I guess, it’s kinda funny like this, but still cute,” Dean paused and cas looked up at him, his ears catching every word Dean had just said. Dean’s left hand went up behind his head as he looked down saying, “Not.. that it matters, really…” 

Cas smiled to himself before lightly hitting Dean’s arm saying, “It’s cool, I man, I get what you’re saying,” he made sure he was smiling when he said this to Dean, and saw him smile back. 

Dean felt a bit more relaxed thanks to Cas’s warm smile, but made a mental note to not say stuff like that again. He couldn’t let things like that slip out. ‘I don’t even fucking like guys,’ he thought, ‘at least I’m not supposed to.’

When it was finally their turn, Cas passed a plate to Dean, and grabbed them both utensils and napkins. The two sat together at the end of a long table, because Cas got up so late, most of the others were already done eating and caused the area to be filled with loud conversations and laughter. The two ate in relative silence apart from a few lazy comments about the food. 

As they were finishing up, they heard an announcement over the loudspeaker, “Good morning troops,” the conversations around them quieted as heads lifted up, and forks went down, “It’s a big day today, for most of you, it’s your first real day of combat. You all have been assigned your partner, who I’m sure you are getting along with wonderfully,” Dean laughed hearing the sarcasm over the loudspeaker, he caught Cas’s eyes before the other man blushed and looked down.

“And you were all also given the groups you will be with for the remainder of your tour. Now, clear your plates and put on your gear.”

Around them, the faces of the men became sterner as the announcement reminded them of what was ahead of them today, “You will meet up with your groups in the designated areas, before claiming your weapons. Then you all will be transported out and be given further instructions there.” 

Cas looked back up at Dean and have him a short nod, Dean returned it maintaining confidence in his partner.

“Good luck today, men. It’s gonna be one hell of a journey over the next few months, but you’re all here for a reason.” 

They heard the loudspeaker click off and immediately the tension was lifted. Dean let out a sigh as he stood up, to stack his plate. 

“We better get going Cas,” he said, grabbing Castiel’s plate as well. 

“Like he said, we’ve got one hell of a journey ahead of us,” Cas smiled for a moment before following Dean, ‘We really do have one hell of a journey,’ he thought as he looked up at Dean, continuing to follow him. 

Dean and Castiel made their way over to where they would be meeting with their group. The walk wasn’t too far, but the two walked in silence. As they walked up to the group, they were greeted and told to line up. A few other men showed up soon after. Most of the faces were new, but Dean recognized a few of them from the plane. They were to be led by Commander Xiumin. He briefly told them about his experience in the military and as a Commander. Dean was impressed to say the least, he just wanted to serve and be done, but this guy was in it for the long haul, ‘There’s something admiral about that,’ Dean thought. Xiumin led the group to get their weapons and then they all climbed into a truck and were off. 

There were eleven of them in all, “I guess the Commander doesn’t need a partner,” Dean whispered to Cas after they took their seats. Cas laughed softly and smiled. Something about this guy made Dean feel warm, happy. 

The ride wasn’t too long, but once again it was bumpy as hell. Dean couldn’t count how many times he bumped into Cas, and Cas bumped into his arm. They both brushed it off each time with blushing and an awkward smile. They pulled up to where they were stationed and all got out. Once again lining up Dean looked around at where they would be spending the next few weeks. 

There were a few buildings, but they were pretty rough for wear. A few of the buildings had already collapsed leaving partial walls sticking up in various spots. There were other men there, who looked like they had been there for weeks. Dean took a large breath after looking around, slightly overwhelmed by it all. Cas glanced over at him, smiling, calming Dean down a bit. 

“Welcome infants to our humble little home. This is where you will be working for the impending future. You will be shown around and briefed on how we have been holding up, and what we are working for here.” 

The man with the bolstering voice passed in front of them, hands clasped behind his back. “Because you are all new here, you will start off doing the grunt work. Relaying messages, fortifying our base, cleaning, cooking, and serving under a few of the other men here. After a few weeks or watching and learning, you will start surveying, guarding, and doing some of the other fun stuff. For now, follow Commander Xiumin here, and he’ll show you around.” 

The man gestured towards the dark haired Xiumin who led them towards one of the buildings. Dean realized the other man never introduced himself, ‘weird dude,’ Dean thought following behind Cas.

So it was a bit different than Cas expected, ‘But what the hell did I expect anyway,’ Cas thought. He followed the group as they entered the first building which was being used for storage. Xiumin led them throughout the base showing them where they prepared meals and cleaned, the communication and radar room, as well as latrines. 

Cas and Dean were assigned to the meal preparation room for the first day. Cas was kind of relieved, it was pretty hot, and he was glad they would get the easy work for the day. He was also pretty happy he would probably get a chance to talk to Dean more, which made him smile. The men in charge of preparation had Cas and Dean first go to the storage and begin bring various foods and boxer over so they could start. 

“Where exactly was the storage room,” Dean said looking at Cas as they left the room, “Follow me dork,” Cas said hitting Dean’s arm playfully, “Don’t assault me Cas!” Dean laughed, “I’m very sensitive,” He returned the favour by lightly kicking Cas’s leg as he followed him over. There wasn’t actually too much they had to bring over. The meal preparation was mostly reheating and rehydrating the food, not quite the same as the food back at camp. 

The two helped out wherever they could usually taking orders from their superiors all while cracking jokes to each other and messing around a bit too much. Eventually lunch rolled around and they began serving the food. The lunch hour actually was about two hours. 

They had to feed small groups of men at a time, to ensure they had enough men on guard and preforming other essential duties. After they fed everyone their two superiors told Cas and Dean that they would be leaving for other duties and that Dean and Cas should eat quickly and start cleaning the makeshift kitchen and cleaning the plates. 

Dean served Cas a generous serving before preparing his own. The two sat down in the room feasting on some of the bags thrown across the floor. 

“Shit!” Dean coughed, “This tastes like shit.” 

“It’s probably not that bad,” Cas retorted, a smug grin on his face, taking a bite, Cas slowly spit it out making a face saying, “Ok, yes, this is pure shit.” Dean began laughing and Cas joined. There was something about Cas Dean kept thinking to himself. He couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but he was falling for it. Dean stared into Cas’s blue eyes as he laughed, his heart rate quickening. Realizing he was starting, Dean looked away saying, “We should probably try to eat this, even though its shit.” 

“We’re screwed wither way,” Cas said, taking a small bite swallowing hard. 

“So, you’re a spitter, and a swallower?” Dean jested, referring to Cas’s first two bites,

“Shut up Dean,” Cas laughed kicking Dean’s foot with his own.

“And I see you’re a swallower,” Cas retorted, as he saw dean take his first bite. 

“You bet Cas! Anything to make my partners happy!” he said, laughing before returning to his meal. The two ate quickly, getting up and clearing their half empty plates. 

“Well I guess we’d better get started,” Cas said, turning on the faucet. 

“If we’re gonna do this, we might as well make it fun,” Dean replied a wicked grin spreading across his face. Cas looked up at him confused, and he squirted some soap into the running water, creating a soapy mess. Dean reached his hand in pulling out a soapy pile. He looked right at Cas saying, “Watch out!” 

Immediately Cas was hit in the face with the warm bubbles of soap. He felt it begin to drip down his face as he wiped his eyes. He could hear Dean laughing uncontrollably as he reached into the sink, getting a handful himself. Turning to Dean Cas said, “Hey Dean,” then threw the suds right at Dean’s face nailing him unexpectedly. 

The fight had begun, Dean responded by splashing some water onto Cas’s chest before he wiped the soap off his face. The two continued splashing each other and throwing soap across the room getting each other well covered in soap and water. They both laughed as they dodged throws and aimed at each other. 

Eventually Dean grabbed Cas as he wrapped his arms around him saying, “Truce! Truce!” He pulled Cas in as they both continued laughing, the taller man leaned his head into Cas’s hair as they rocked in unison still laughing. 

Their fun was suddenly interrupted as they saw one of their superiors form before walk in and say, “Novack, Winchester, get the hell back to work before I report you two for not following orders!” The man’s booming voice and angry face caused their laughter to stop and Dean to release his grip from around Cas. 

“Yes Sir!” They both replied as they saluted in unison. The man quickly turned and before he left the room he turned back glaring at the two and muttering, “Fags.” 

“Get back here asshat!” Dean exclaimed, his voice fuming. 

“Dean, stop!” Cas insisted grabbing a hold of Dean’s arms keeping him from making a dumb mistake, “Calm down, it’s not really a big deal,” Cas continued, his voice faltering. 

“To hell it ain’t,” Dean replied, his voice filled with anger. 

“It’s fine Dean,” Cas said, taking Dean’s hands in his, “Just let it go,” he continued, squeezing Dean’s hands as he spoke, “I don’t want you to get in trouble over some idiot who can’t have a good time.”

Dean felt his body relax and his heart flutter as Cas grabbed his hands. He was immediately comforted by Cas and the look in his eyes. “Yea, I guess… Fine,” Dean replied. Moving his hands up to Cas’s shoulders he said, “I just don’t want you to have to deal with this shit, not now.”

Cas felt his cheeks flush at Dean’s words, “Thank you, but it’s ok, we’ll be fine.” Cas looked up at Dean and smiled before he saw Dean smile back and pull him into his arms. He felt warmth rush through him as he felt Dean’s arms wrap around him, pulling him in close. Cas brought his hands around Dean as he felt Dean’s head nuzzle into his. Cas let his hands slowly rub up and down Dean’s back trying to comfort the other man, but the action only made Cas’s heart race more. 

“We’ll be fine,” Cas repeated softly. 

After a few moments the two broke apart, looking around to make sure no one was around to hassle them again. 

“Thanks Cas,” Dean said, smiling softly. 

“It’s no problem,” Cas answered squeezing Dean’s hand.

“But we better start cleaning if we don’t want to get in trouble,” Cas said.

“Yea, I guess we should,” Dean said, his heart racing from the contact with Cas. His whole body was rushing from feeling Cas’s hands on his and his light touch over his back. Grapping a dish Dean started washing, his mind abuzz and his heart racing. 

The day at the base was over before they knew it. Most of the more experienced men lived there, while the new people went back to their camp to join the other groups. Cas and Dean hadn’t said much after the incident earlier that day, neither of them knowing quite what to say. Cas’s mind was still full of thoughts of their laughing, playing, hugging, and comfort. He could still feel Dean’s hands on his, and Dean’s arms around him. Every time he tried to catch a glance at Dean, his cheeks turned pink, and he had to quickly look away. 

“So Cas,” Dean asked as they sat down to eat, “How was your first day?” Cas looked down thinking of how to answer this question, overall it was amazing, he loved laughing with Dean, being so close to him, but he knew the superiors comments really shook Dean, “Eventful,” he finally answered smiling. 

“Yea, it definitely was,” Dean answered, “But it was still really fun,” Dean continued smiling. 

“Just wait until next time, I’m gonna get you so bad!” Dean said laughing. Cas looked into his eyes laughing with Dean, he saw how Dean’s eyes lit up making the green somehow more intense. Cas felt his stomach flip as he smiled and continued eating. 

After dinner, the two returned to their tent and took off most of their clothes. 

“We should probably get showered,” Dean suggested picking up his shirt from that day and smelling it before making a face and dropping it back down. 

“Yea,” replied Cas, “I’m pretty sure it was hotter than hell out there today.” 

When they made it to the showers, there were three stalls open, and they took the two closest to the wall. The showers were pretty dinky, and they weren’t covered by much. They even could see over the tops of the door and the sides into the neighbouring shower, but they didn’t have much of a choice. 

Cas finished undressing in the stall and hung his towel and boxers on the hook. Turning on the water, he felt the cool water slide over his body. For once he was thankful for a lack of hot water. His body cooled down as he ran his fingers through his hair, making sure the work in the shampoo. He quickly rinsed his hair out and began to wash his body. He could see Dean in the stall next to him, but tried not to look too often. 

As he slid his hands over his body, he couldn’t help but think of Dean’s touch from earlier that day. His hand swiped over his nipple and he let out a small gasp. His mind was racing with the thoughts of Dean’s hands over him, gliding over his smooth skin. Cas worked the soap lower down and made his way to his groin. His imagination took over and he stroked a hand down his dick moaning softly as he looked over at Dean in the neighbouring stall. 

Dean’s head was tilted back as he let the water run through his hair. Cas could see most of Dean’s torso, perfectly sculpted with little streams of water running through his contours. He let his hand glide over his growing erection once more letting out a louder moan. Suddenly he saw Dean’s hands stop before looking towards him. Cas’s heart rate immediately accelerated and he veered his gaze away, turning his body to face the other side.

‘Fucking shit,’ he thought moving his hand away from his crotch, ‘He’s gonna fucking kill me.’ Cas tried to quickly finish his shower as he ignored his nagging hard on. Once he shut off the water, he wrapped the towel around him and went over to the sink to brush his teeth.

Dean soon showed up next to him cleaning his teeth as well. In the mirror Cas could see Dean’s towel riding dangerously low in his hips. He felt a jolt go to his groin and groaned in irritation into his toothbrush. Dean quickly spit out his toothpaste and Cas followed suit. 

Neither of them said a word to each other as they walked back to the tent. Cas noticed Dean glancing over at him on occasion, but tried to ignore it. 

Dean was sure he had heard Cas moan. And it was fucking hot. He caught Cas looking at him when he noticed the sound, seeing Cas’s hands low down on his body. He couldn’t be sure of what Cas had been doing, but he was pretty sure he knew. ‘Why was he looking at me,’ Dean kept questioning, the moment flashing in his mind. It took everything in him to make sure he didn’t get an erection, and it was sure as hell proving difficult. 

As they walked into the tent, Dean saw Cas rush over to his bed, tossing his toothbrush down before going for his sleep clothes stashed next to his bed. Dean started Dressing facing forward so he could watch Cas. He noticed Cas wouldn’t move from standing straight ahead at the side of the tent, avoiding all contact with Dean. ‘Fuck, I was right,’ Dean thought smiling to himself. He hoped Cas was looking at him for a reason when he caught him, but was pretty sure he was wrong. Cas quickly got into bed without saying a word. 

Dean tried to get his sleep clothes (a t-shit and boxers) on quickly. He went to turn out the light before laying down in bed. Dean just sat there for a moment thinking about the day. He had a lot of fun with Cas. As apprehensive as he had been about their first day, Cas had managed to make it fun. He even calmed Dean after that asshat called them fags. ‘His hair smelled so fucking good,’ Dean thought remembering how it felt and smelled to have his head nuzzle against Cas’s head. Dean felt Cas’s hands in his, and Cas’s arms tickle over his back slowly. Suddenly Dean felt warmth pool in his groin as he felt his dick begin to harden. ‘Shit,’ he thought, once again trying to stop his erection from growing.

“Goodnight Dean,” He heard Cas say from across the tent. 

“Night Cas,” he replied.

Science fell between them before Dean interrupted it saying, “Hey Cas, if you ever need to… uh,” ‘shit, how do I put this,’ Dean thought, “relieve stress, that’s fine, I mean I’m cool with it.”

‘Fuck,’ he thought, “I mean, I get it, we all need to come sometime.” ‘Why did I say that,’ Dean questioned himself. He heard Cas groan before he saw him roll away from him. “Fuck, I’m sorry” Dean said before trying to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It was really fun to write. Comments are appreciated and remember to follow the story!
> 
> A new chapter will be posted every week.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at: http://crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com/


	4. Getting Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter! It's not too long, but I already have about the next five chapters ready so don't worry!

The next few days passed filled with awkwardness. Dean felt bad for acknowledging what Cas had been doing, and for embarrassing him. Cas was mortified that he got caught masturbating while looking at Dean, and was angry at himself for his own lack of self-control. 

The two were able to continue working together despite the heavy weight they were both lifting. Neither of them wanted to bring it up again which just made the situation much worse. 

They had been rotating jobs over the past week at the base and were getting into the routine of things. 

They did make jokes occasionally about how terrible their lunches continued to be, but ate them any despite their self-pity. But overall, things were still tense.

It was Tuesday, nine days after they had arrived, the radar had gone off and all men at the base were called into position. There was a large vehicle heading towards them, one which they did not know the identification of. Everyone at the base was on edge, but were perfectly focused. 

“You think it’s something bad,” Cas whispered to Dean. “I sure hope not man,” Dean replied, “But we’ll be ok even if it is,” Dean continued, trying to hide the fear in his voice. Dean really didn’t want it to be something that would cause a problem. No one ever wanted that out here. All he could do was hope that it would be something they could get figured instead of a car ready to bomb them. 

Cas had seen the fear in Dean’s eyes and could see it in his eyes as he shifted in his crouched position. “We’re gonna be fine Dean,” Cas whispered as he took Dean’s hand in his, squeezing it. 

Dean’s breath hitched as he felt Cas’s hand on his. The two hadn’t touched since the incident on the first day, and now his heart was really racing. Dean squeezed back feeling Cas’s soft hand grip his in assurance. After a few lingering moments Cas removed his hand before looking up at Dean smiling. Dean returned the smile as his heart swelled, happy that things were going back to how they were in the beginning. 

As the car approached, Cas noticed the other men around him take a more strong position. He heard orders being said to other men as he and Dean stayed in position, eyes on the vehicle in the distance. 

Three of their own armoured vehicles started going out to meet the unknown presence. They could hear the updates on the radio as the all four vehicles stopped.

“Commander, a white flag has been raised, a white flag, out,” they heard over the radio. 

“Keep your distance and wait until they either radio you or exit the vehicle, out,” the Commander replied.   
“There is no movement at their vehicle that we can see, but there are about three people visible in the van, two women and one man, out.”

“The driver’s door is opening and a man is stepping out. – He is now on the ground on his knees, and he appears to be praying. – The translator says he is asking for help. His wife has gone into labour and no one in their village has experience or knows what to do, out.”

The Commander replied, “Three men approach with caution, guns ready. Have four more approach far flanking on either side and two move towards the back, guns drawn, out.”

All the men waited in silence as they watched the other men move out in formation in the distance. Everything looked like it was going well, “Commander, they are helping the pregnant woman out of the car and she seems to be in distress, out.”

“Proceeded with caution,”

Reports kept coming from the men while all at the base maintained order. Dean started to get cramp from being in the same position for so long. He moved his right leg over, feeling a wave of relief go through his body as his blood was finally able to circulate properly. In moving his leg he bumped into Cas, “Shit, sorry man,” Dean said. 

“Its fine Dean,” Cas replied smiling at Dean as he once again squeezed his partner’s hand. Dean felt a jolt go through his body emanating from Cas’s touch. 

After about twenty minutes it was decided the three from the vehicle were not a threat and the men could go back to work. One more group of men were sent out for extra security, but Cas and Dean remained behind.

Lately they had been shadowing and assisting the defence and watchmen and were learning a lot. Occasionally it got pretty boring, but they were always focused making sure they didn’t slip up.

A couple of hours later they heard over the radio that the woman had given birth to a baby boy and it had all gone smoothly and that the group had returned back to their village. 

“So that was certainly something I never expected to happen here,” Dean said as they were watching the back portion of the base. 

“Yea, I guess you’re right it is pretty wild,” Cas replied.

“Ever think of having kids,” Dean asked as the two kept their eyes on the horizon making sure no more surprises were coming.

“Yea, I’ve thought about it. I mean’ I have a lot of siblings, so I’m used to having a lot of people around.”

“I guess that makes sense, I mean, I only have one sibling, and our family was just the three of us. It’s great, but I think I would like a big family too,” Dean replied, smiling at Cas. 

“It is pretty great,” Cas agreed, “The only problem for me is whether or not my husband would like to have kids,” continuing on, Cas looked down, his face becoming a bit more stern, “I mean, it’s not exactly easy for a gay couple to have kids. It’s possible, but a bit more difficult, you know?” 

“Yea, I get it. I’ve thought about that too, but it’s still worth it I think.”

“Why would you have to think about adoption, I mean, your straight,” Cas asked feeling his heart drop at his words. 

“Oh- ah, I mean- I’ve just thought of all the options, you know,” Dean lied, rubbing the back of his head. 

Cas smiled up at Dean as they continued watching at their post. Cas imagined what Dean’s kids might look like, soft brown hair, big green eyes, freckles spotting their faces. The thought made Cas’s heart happy, he liked imagining Dean happy with a family of his own, and maybe even… ‘No,’ Cas thought, ‘I can’t do this now, not here. Its sure as hell never gonna happen anyway…’ 

“You ok Cas,” Dean asked, bumping his shoulder playfully into Cas, “Oh, yea, I’m fine I guess, don’t worry about it, just daydreaming.” 

“Ok man,” Dean answered, “Just make sure you don’t daydream too much, we don’t want another pregnant woman sneaking up on us,” The two laughed as they walked, easing into comfort once again, almost forgetting about the incident last week.

 

A few days had passed and Cas couldn’t stop thinking about how at ease they had been the other day. Since Dean caught Cas masturbating, things had been tense, but recently they were getting better.

Cas knew he shouldn’t say anything, but he felt like he had to. Dean was in bed writing a letter back home and Cas was just finishing up putting his clothes away. “Uh, hey Dean,” Cas said, his voice quivering. “Yea, what’s up?” 

“Uh, so, remember last week, uh in the showers,” Cas asked looking down as he spoke.”

Dean’s face flushed as he answered, “Oh, uh yea I guess…”

Cas sat down on his bed before saying, “I don’t really know what to say, uh-” 

Dean’s hand went behind his head and began rubbing, “Don’t say anything then, I mean, like I said, I get it… I mean we all have to-“

“I know, but I-,“ Cas tried to say, “I was- looking…” Cas brought his hands to his head as he leaned over the side of his bed, placing his elbows onto his knees, running his hands through his hair in frustration and embarrassment. He heard footsteps and he looked up seeing Dean walk towards him with an uneasy look on his face. ‘Shit shit, fucking shit,’ Cas thought as he saw Dean, ‘He’s gonna fucking kill me! He probably didn’t even notice I had been looking at him, fuck!’ 

Dean sat down next to Cas saying, “Its ok man, seriously its fine.” Cas felt relief rush through him as Dean spoke, as Dean placed a hand on his thigh Cas felt his heart race and his breath hitch. Dean left his hand there squeezing Cas’s thigh softly before he began slowly rubbing it up and down. “It’s fine Cas, really,” Dean said, looking up into Cas’s eyes. Cas knew by the look in Dean’s eyes that it really was ok. Dean wasn’t going to kill him. 

Cas felt his thigh tingle under Dean’s touch. His hand was so light over his almost bare leg he felt its tickle as it went up, down, up… really up. Cas let out a gasp in surprise as he felt Dean’s hand so close to his crotch and he felt heat begin to boil in that region. The two were so close, separated by only inches. Cas’s heart raced as the two watched each other as if asking for permission to do something? Anything? 

And just like that, Dean shot up standing straight up, hand rubbing the back of his head.   
“So yea, uh, I mean…” Dean babbled. Cas could see how red Dean’s face was getting and noticed his usual reaction of nervousness when Dean had brought his hand to his head. 

“It’s good, I know what you mean, it’s all fine,” Cas interjected, trying to help Dean out. They were both obviously blushing at the situation both noticing each other’s reactions. 

“Yea,” Dean answered, walking over to his bed picking up his letter once more, “We’re good,” he continued smiling shyly at Cas. Cas smiled before he rolled back into his bed and pulled his blanket up. 

‘Shit,’ Cas thought. He was glad at least that the two were ‘good’ or whatever. But he couldn’t get over Dean’s touch. ‘Why did he do that,’ Cas questioned. ‘Why do I wish he kept doing it?’ It was only then Cas noticed the bulge in his thin boxers. Groaning and rolling onto his stomach Cas thought, ‘I’m so fucked.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Stay tuned for the next chapter, its full of angst! Remember you can follow me on tumblr under the same username!


	5. A Bit of Trouble

Weeks went by as Cas and Dean continued preforming their duties without fail. They had been working hard and were able to move out of the shadow of the more experienced men at the base and onto handling larger duties. Dean got a lot of letters from his brother, and a few from his Dad. He made sure that he replied to every one of them, assuring his family that he was all right. Cas wrote letters too, but not as many. He usually wrote to his parents, who could then tell the rest of the family how his tour was going. 

Sooner or later they had made it into two months into their tour, the halfway point. Cas and Dean had been getting along well. Even more than well. They found themselves sharing countless stories form their lives and telling hundreds of jokes to each other. Their bond never faltered and kept growing stronger and stronger.   
Cas couldn’t forget about Dean’s hand on his leg. His mind flashed at times to that moment, and he couldn’t help but fell the warmth of Dean’s past touch. All he wanted was to be in that moment again. For something to actually happen. He craved feeling Dean’s hands over his body.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t touched since then, just not quite as much. Their hands often grazed each other’s as they walked, as if longing to hold onto each other. Their feet rested on and next to each other’s when they ate breakfast and dinner. They still hugged each other whenever it seemed fit, and it seemed so warm, so comforting to be in one another’s arms. Dean had noticed Cas’s looking at him when he didn’t think he could see, but Dean knew he had been doing the same thing. 

Occasionally Dean said things that would make Cas blush. Dean always had a flirtatious attitude, but epically around Cas, and he noticed that about himself too. He couldn’t help but feel his heart skip every time he saw Cas in the morning. Dean always felt a glow of warmth when he was around Cas talking to him. He knew he always laughed louder, smiled bigger, and felt happier when they were together.

So far, a few days in from their half-way point, the day was going like any other day. Cas and Dean were on their break in one of the buildings enjoying their time together. 

“I still can’t believe it’s half over,” Cas said thinking of how fast time had gone by. 

“Yea I agree, it’s just been going by so fast man,” Dean answered in agreement. The conversation paused for a moment as the two reflected on the thoughts. Dean continued, “Hey Cas, what do you think we’re going to do when we get back?” 

“I’m really not sure,” Cas said looking up at Dean, “I mean, I guess we’ll get jobs, go back to normal life…” Cas realized that this meant he only had two months left with Dean. After that, they would never see each other again. He felt his heart fill with sadness at the thought. 

“No, uh, I mean, with us,” Dean clarified, “What’s going to happen with us,” Dean gestured between the two of them. 

“Oh,” Cas replied, finally understanding what Dean meant. “I- I’m not sure,” Cas looked down frowning as he once again imagined them separated, “I guess, we could meet up. Didn’t you say we were going to Germany or something?”

“Oh shit, yea! I actually kinda forgot about that man,” Dean said grinning, “It’s gonna be so much fun, and we’ll totally go see the national team play a game.” 

“I would like that,” Cas said, looking up and smiling at Dean. He could see the happiness in Dean’s eyes before Dean reached over taking his hand in his and squeezing it. 

Dean let his hand linger there for a few moments. He couldn’t help himself. It just felt so right, he felt like there was nothing else in the world besides them when he held Cas’s hand. He felt his heart fill with warmth. Slowly he removed his hand, letting his fingers slide slowly glide out. He couldn’t help himself, he knew he shouldn’t but he knew he had to. ‘Holding his hand, if only for a moment is enough for now,’ Dean thought.

A few minutes went before Cas got up. “Hey, I’m gonna use the restroom quickly, but I’ll come right back.” 

“Shouldn’t I come with you,” Dean asked, remembering the rules they had been given. 

“Nah, I’ll be fine, it’s only gonna take a minute, I’ll come right back, I promise,” Cas said, a big smile spreading across his face. 

“Ok, ok,” Said Dean, smiling back, “But it better only take a minute; I’m gonna count!” Dean looked down at his watch and began, “One… two… three,” He continued hearing Cas, “Slow down,” as he quickly left the room.

Dean kept his eyes on his watch making sure Cas kept his word, and was back in exactly sixty seconds. He enjoyed things like this, being able to mess around with Cas. ‘Fifty one… fifty two… fifty three…” Dean thought to himself, watching the seconds tick by, “fifty four, fifty f-.”

Dean heard a thunderous sound as he felt warm air and dust immediately rush into the room knocking him over along with various objects in the room. The doorway began to collapse a bit, ad Dean tried to recover from the shock. Coughing, Dean tried to pull himself up to get out of there. His leg was stuck under something that had fallen, but thankfully it wasn’t hurting him too much. With some effort he was finally able to release his leg and stagger up. The air was still filled with smoke and dust as he tried to cover his mouth and walk out of the crumbled doorway.

As he exited the building he could barely see a thing. As the loud ringing in his ears caused by the loud noise began to subside, he was able to hear a few voices around him. After a few moments, he realized the air was filled with shouting and screaming. ‘Cas,’ Dean thought, realizing he hadn’t made it back. ‘Where the hell is he,’ Dean thought as the smoke started settling a bit, allowing him to gain some visibility. 

“Cas,” he called trying to scan the area. There was rubble everywhere. Most of the buildings had completely collapsed. He noticed bits of metal and glass strewn over the ground. “Cas,” he yelled with more fervour. Dean was looking everywhere for him as he headed towards the bathrooms. As he ran he saw bodies, lots of them. There was blood too, so much blood. He saw a couple of other men running around, yelling and trying to help the wounded.

As he rounded the corner, Dean saw him. “CAS,” Dean cried, dropping to the ground. “Cas wake up,” he yelled, pulling the other man into his arms. He could see Cas’s face was covered in dirt and soot. He looked horrible, and worst of all, he wasn’t responding. Dean leaned over Cas’s face trying to see if he was breathing. He felt a small breath against his cheek and a small wave of relief rushed through him. 

“Cas wake up,” Dean begged. He felt a rush of fear and sadness flood his body as he held Cas’s limp body in his arms. “Please Cas,” Dean screamed, becoming angry. He couldn’t hold it in anymore as he felt tears pool in his eyes, “God Cas, please,” Dean whispered bent over Cas, tears streaming down his face. 

Dean kept crying as the chaos around him continued. There were medics helping the injured and people running everywhere, guns at the ready making sure to defend the rest of them. But all Dean could see was Cas. He brought one hand up to Cas’s cheek and began wiping away the soot on Cas’s face that was darkened by Dean’s wet tears. As he cried and held Cas close he begged softly, “Please Cas, please. I c-can’t do this without y-you. God… please do-n’t leave me. I need you Cas…” 

Dean watched as Cas began coughing and gasping for breath, “Oh my God,” Dean whispered. “Cas, CAS,” Dean yelled. 

“Help, we need help! Please,” Dean yelled, trying to get someone’s attention. Soon a few men had arrived with a stretcher placing Cas on it. The men carried Cas away as Dean followed. 

“D-ean,” Dean heard Cas gasp.

“I’m right here Cas,” Dean said, taking a hold of Cas’s hand as he ran along with the others.

“It’ll be ok, I’ve got you, we’re gonna be ok.” They made it to a safe area that was set up to help the injured. Around them Dean could see too many injured bodies. He looked back at Cas trying to make sure he was ok. 

“Dean, please,” Cas coughed out.

“You’re gonna be fine,” Dean assured him, “I’m right here.” Dean thought he saw Cas smile a bit before he heard, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We need to deal with this patient alone, and you need to be checked out by other medics.”   
“I’m fine,” Dean insisted turning back to Cas grabbing his hand once more, trying to assure Cas that he truly would be ok. 

“Sir, this is an order. You need to leave.”

“Dean-“ Cas whispered, his eyes going wide with fear as they filled with tears.

“I’m not fucking moving,” Dean screamed in anger.

“Take him,” the man ordered as Dean felt two sets of hands wrap around him. They began pulling him away as he struggled and yelled, “Cas! No please, please! Cas I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Dean felt the hot tears begin falling over his face again as he was taken away.


	6. I Will Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finally comes back after the two were separated. Dean struggles with his feelings and coping with new realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will get less sad I promise, just keep reading!

Dean was back at his tent praying that Cas would come back. They had told him noting of his partners condition. All he knew was that somehow the enemy eluded their security and bombed them. For all Dean knew, Cas was dead. And if he wasn’t he was sure as hell scared and needed Dean.

It had been hours since the attack. Dean had been brought to another triage centre for those less injured. A few other camps that were close by came to help them, and eventually, after being cleaned off and having his lungs checked, he was given a few Advil and was returned to their camp to rest. 

Lying in his bed, Dean felt like he was being tortured. He was stranded and no one was there to help him. He was full of anxiety as his heart rate sped up. Dean felt a wave of uneasiness rush through as his mind flashed back to what had happened before. He was helpless as he felt the anxiety increase and thicken throughout his body. 

Dean’s breathing became quicker as he began panicking, thinking of what might have happened to Cas. He felt like he needed to run and escape. But there was nothing to run or escape from, so he stayed put.

His body began shaking as he felt the fear and anxiety overtake him. Dean lost control of his breathing and started panicking. He sat up as he began intensely crying through his hyperventilation. After a few moments he began choking on his breaths and panicked even more. He was gasping for air as the tears ran harder and harder. ‘Cas, Cas,’ was all Dean could think as his panic attack overtook him.

Eventually Dean somehow managed to slow his hyperventilation and try to get control of himself. It took awhile, but eventually he was able to take deep slow breaths, as his tears alleviated and he calmed down. 

Dean laid back down on his bed as his heart still raced. He was exhausted. Whether it was form this day, his panic attack, or both. He didn’t care. Dean was overtaken by his exhaustion as his body began opening itself to sleep. His mind when blank as he passed.

 

Dean didn’t know what time it was or how much time had passed, but he awoke to a few men in his tent laying Cas down on his bed. Dean immediately shot up running over to Cas as the men left their tent. “Cas,” Dean said, “Cas please, are you ok?”

“I’m fine Dean,” Cas whispered back a small grin on his face. 

“I-I tried to help you, I wanted to stay with you,” Dean said frantically, with fear in his voice, “But they made me leave, I couldn’t- I’m so sorry.” Dean looked down as sat on the bed next to Cas. 

“I know Dean, I know,” Cas said taking Dean’s hand in his holding on tight, “We’re fine, just like you said.” 

“I thought you had died,” Dean said, his voice cracked as his body began to tremble, remembering the pain and fear he had gone throughout the day. “I thought I had lost you…”

“But you didn’t, I’m still here,” Cas said, looking up at Dean holding on to his hand harder, “I’ll always be here.” 

Dean felt his heart swell as a rush of emotion surged through him, “Cas…” Dean whispered.

“I’ll always be hear,” Cas repeated.

Dean felt his body succumb to emotion as he leaned closer to Cas. He felt his breath hitch as he got closer and closer, never breaking his gaze from Cas. Bringing one hand around and placing it next to Cas’s head on the bed Dean heard Cas whisper, “Always.”

Dean closed his eyes as he leaned down even more, letting his lips softly touch Cas’s. He felt Cas pull his head up trying to gain more contact and Dean deepened the kiss. He felt peace run through him as he felt Cas’s lips moving over his. He had wanted this so badly, for so long.

Cas had felt heat run through his body as Dean placed a kiss on his lips. Immediately Cas craved more. He felt Dean open his lips and felt a tongue on his. Cas opened his mouth, allowing Dean to kiss him deeper. Bringing one of his hands around him, lacing his fingers through Dean’s hair Cas was finally able to feel its softness. Cas let out a low moan as he felt Dean’s tongue swipe over his. He began kissing back just as fiercely as he sucked on Dean’s lip. In response he heard Dean’s breath hitch before recapturing his lips. Their lips parted as Dean breathed saying, “Cas.” Looking into Dean’s bright green eyes Cas kissed him softly, letting him know it was ok. 

Dean’s heart raced as he kissed Cas, ‘I’m kissing- Cas,’ he thought, ‘fuck!’

Suddenly Dean pulled away and began coughing. Cas looked at him confused and said, “Dean are yo-“

“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!”

Dean started pacing frantically around the room hand rubbing the back of his head as he tried to focus. 

“What happened Dean,”

“I said shut up,” Dean yelled.

Inside Dean felt himself panicking. ‘I liked it,’ he thought, ‘Why did I fucking like it?’ He looked at Cas quickly before turning around, ‘This isn’t supposed to happen, I’m not like this.’

Dean felt a soft hand lightly grab his before Cas stood in front of him.

“Please,” Cas insisted, “Please talk to me.”

Dean could see the pain in Cas’s eyes and he could feel his own pain and confusion overwhelm him too. 

Jerking his hand out of Cas’s grasp Dean yelled, “Don’t fucking touch me,” he turned to walk out of their tent before saying, “I’m not a fucking fag.”

 

Cas dropped back onto his bed as he watched Dean walk out. His heart felt completely empty and he rested his head in his hands trying to make sense of what had just transpired. ‘What the hell is happening,’ he thought, ‘He kissed me…’

Cas thought of all the little moments they had shared over the past two months and how he was sure epically while they were kissing that Dean felt the same way about him. 

“He called me a ‘fucking fag’,” Cas whispered to himself. Feeling his emotions rush out he began crying. ‘I’ve fucked everything up,’ he thought, ‘It’s all over.’ 

Cas rolled onto his bed and continued crying. After a few minutes he started falling asleep, ‘I wish I had just died today…’

 

Dean didn’t know where he was going, and frankly he didn’t give a shit. His chest was on fire, full of anger and sadness. ‘This can’t be happening,’ Dean thought. Thinking about his life, all the girls, no one had matched up to Cas. And the kiss..

“Fuck,” he whispered.

Dean didn’t want this to happen. It had happened before, just not like this, not even close. He always went out and found a girl in an attempt to convince himself of his own heterosexuality. But a little part of him always knew it was a lie. 

As Dean looked over the horizon he thought of what was going to happen. Everything would be different now. He would have to tell his dad, Sam. He wasn’t even sure how they would react, everything could go to hell. But then he thought of Cas, and how happy he made Dean. 

“Cas,” Dean whispered, “Fuck.”

Dean found himself once again running through the camp, this time towards their tent. ‘Why the hell did I do that,’ He thought. He made his way to their tend bursting in and making his way to Cas’s bed. He saw Cas’s face, his eyes were red and puffy, ‘Shit,’ He thought. Placing his hand on Cas’s cheek and rubbing it slowly he said, “Cas, Cas I’m sorry.”

Cas felt something on his face and woke up. He saw Dean in front of him saying he was sorry. He felt tears in his eyes once again. His breath started catching as the tears ran down his face, “Yo-, call-ed me, -fucki-n fag,” Cas cried out. Dean grabbed Cas and pulled him into his arms as he felt his own eyes fill with tears. 

“I’m so sorry Cas, I, I didn-“ Dean wasn’t sure what to say exactly, “You’re the first. I mean I’ve never. Shit.”

Cas pulled back looking into Dean’s eyes, “You’ve never kissed a guy before,” Cas said.

“Never, and I-“

“You didn’t know you were gay, did you?”

Dean took a breath in before saying, “No.”

Cas looked at him for a few moments as Dean’s heart raced. He wasn’t sure what Cas was going to do. What Dean had done was fucked up, and he wasn’t even sure if he even deserved forgiveness. 

“I’m sorry,” Cas said bringing his hand up to Dean’s cheek resting it there.

“What- Why, you didn’t do anything,” Dean said frantically.

“I know, It- it just is hard, I know. Its not exactly an easy thing to accept, and I’m sorry you have to struggle with it so much.”

Dean looked down thinking about what Cas had said. He wished it was easier too. He wished the whole thing didn’t bother him so much, but it did. But he liked Cas, he liked him so much. Dean had never felt as happy as he did when he was Cas. There was something special about him that just made everything seem right.

“Thank you Cas. I really am so sorry. I just hope you can forgive me, I never should have said that. And I hope you know I don’t mean it.”

Cas looked up at Dean and saw the sadness and fear in his eyes, “Is it ok, i-if I kiss you,” Cas asked.

“Yes,” Dean breathed.

Cas pulled Dean and slowly placed his lips over Dean’s. De immediately felt his body fill with warmth and the sadness leave his body. He opened his mouth allowing Dean to kiss him deeper. 

Dean felt Cas’s tongue against his and moaned into his mouth. He felt Cas respond to that by kissing him harder. Dean was amazed at how good it felt to be kissing Cas. ‘I’m kissing him,’ he thought, ‘Cas.’ Dean felt Cas’s fingers lace through his hair and pull lightly. Dean moaned in response and felt his body reacting. He brought his kisses down onto Cas’s jawline and onto his neck. He bagan sucking lightly and then harder, wanting to mark Cas. He wanted Cas to be his, and his alone. Dean let his tongue flick over Cas’s skin and he heard Cas moan, “Oh God.” Dean repeated the action once more. 

Cas felt a rush of heat run to his groin Cas squirmed under Dean, his hands tightening their grip on the other man’s hand and in his hair. Cas let out little cries and gasps as Dean began to suck and kiss Cas’s neck with more passion. Cas could feel his heart racing as he felt Dean’s hot mouth gliding over his skin.

Dean finally moved his kissed back up and Cas pulled him in kissing his mouth deeply. After kissing him a few more times, Cas loosened his grip on Dean’s hair and let him sit up. 

Cas looked up at dean and said, “Stay, please. For tonight.”

“I’ll always stay,” Dean said smiling as he kissed Cas again before he went over pulling his bed next to Cas’s. Dean got into his bed after turning off the lights and pulled the blanket up. He moved towards Cass kissing him once more before placing his arm over him. 

“Goodnight Dean.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile as he heard Cas speak and a wave of joy rushed through him, “Goodnight Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Please comment!
> 
> I take requests on tumblr so go to crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com/ask


	7. Feeling Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas settle into things after last night.

Waking up, Cas felt a warm arm wrapped around his body. Smiling, he remembered last night. ‘We kissed,’ he thought, ‘We really kissed.’ Cas rolled over facing Dean taking in the image of him sleeping next to him. Not being able to help himself, Cas brought his fingers to Dean’s face and began running his finger’s over his cheek. He felt the smooth skin under his touch and felt his heart warm. ‘This shouldn’t be real,’ Cas thought. He began moving his fingers over Dean’s jaw, tracing his features slowly, learning the curves of his face. Moving his touch above Dean’s brow Cas smiled knowing Dean reciprocated his feelings. He knew last night must have been hard for Dean, but he was happy with the ultimate result.

Dean felt something warm glide over his face as he slowly opened his eyes. He saw Cas looking at him with a smile on his face. Realizing it was Cas that was causing the warmth over his face, he smiled back.

“Good morning Cas,” Dean said pulling Cas closer. 

“’Morning,” Cas answered, letting his hand drop from Dean’s face.

“Are you feeling better?”

Laughing softly Cas replied, “How could I not be?”

“Good point,” Dean said as a blush filled his cheeks. “You know I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you before. Everything is so confusing and I didn’t want it to be, I- I didn’t think you- ah…” Dean closed his eyes for a bit thinking what to say, “I didn’t think you liked me.”

“You couldn’t have been more wrong,” Cas said, blushing, “I thought you knew. Remember after our first day… I- You know what… and I thought you knew, and for a while I thought you were avoiding me, well as much as you could. But I’m happy, I really am. And even after yesterday… I mean, I guess I got hurt… and so did other people, but a part of me is thankful, because- because this happened.”

Dean felt his heart swell at Cas’s words. As he spoke Dean couldn’t help but think of how much Cas meant to him. When Cas finished Dean said, “Me too.” Bringing his hand around Cas’s head, Dean pulled him in and began kissing him.

Cas felt Dean’s lips press onto his and felt his tongue slip in. Cas responded kissing Dean back and bringing his hand to Dean’s back grabbing onto his shirt. Cas felt Dean roll on top of him as his body filled with warmth and excitement. He felt Dean’s legs intertwined with his and their chests only separated by a few pieces of cloth. Cas brought both his hands to Dean’s hair letting his fingers tug and glide through. Dean moved his kissed down Cas’s neck and began sucking. Cas let out a soft moan and felt heat begin to pool near his groin. Dean let his tongue go over Cas’s neck before biting the skin playfully.

Cas let out a gasp in surprise as he bucked up his hips causing his crotch to come in contact with Dean’s. This only made him more aware of his growing erection and apparently Dean’s. 

“Dean,” Cas moaned before Dean moved his lips back over Cas’s kissing the man under him more passionately. Dean was surprised by his and Cas’s erections, but that just made him more hungry. He began grinding his hips harder over Cas’s and heard Cas whimper into his mouth. Soon Cas was squirming underneath and occasionally bucking his hips up begging for more contact. Dean felt himself getting harder and harder as they began grinding against each other more and more. 

“D-Dean,” Cas moaned, “G-od Dean,” Cas said grunting. Dean began rocking his hips over Cas’s releasing him from their kiss so he could focus on their arousal. Cas’s head began lulling back into the pillow as he gripped Dean’s hips holding on tightly. “Ple-ease,” Cas begged as Dean ground his hips into his, “Please.”

 

“BRUUUURRRRRRR!!!” The horn sounded just as Dean rocked into Cas again hiding his moan.

Dean immediately froze looking into Cas’s eyes.

“Shit,” Dean mumbled. “Do you want…” He asked looking confused and a bit scared. “  
“Yes- I mean I do, but, shit.” Cas said.

Dean rolled off of him and Cas felt his heart sink a bit. He was disappointed to say the least, but maybe this was for the better. The just kissed a few hours ago and they were just on their way to bringing each other to orgasm. Dean leaned over the side of his bed sitting up and running his hands through his hair. “Sorry Cas,” he mumbled, “I shouldn’t have-“

“No!” Cas interrupted, “I mean, maybe we were going too fast, but It wasn’t your fault… I mean, I wanted to as well.” Cas sat up and moved over to sit beside Dean. The two just sat there for a moment listening to the sounds of other men waking up and getting ready for the day. 

Dean slipped his hand into Cas’s, lacing their fingers together. 

“You gonna be all right,” Dean asked looking down at Cas’s still evident erection straining under his pants. Cas blushed saying, “I think I can manage… I-If you give me some time… How about yourself,” Cas asked, looking toward Dean’s even more obvious erection under his thin boxers.

“Oh uh,” Dean mumbled blushing, “Same… I guess I’ll just… I’ll move the bed. Just, just don’t look, ok?”

“Same,” Cas answered suddenly realizing how embarrassing it might be to jerk off in front of Dean. 

Dean moved his bed back to his side of the room and realized Cas had already started. He heard the constant shifting of fabric along with small grunts. Getting into his bed, Dean didn’t bother pulling up the blanket. Wrapping his hand around his cock Dean let out a small gasp. He began sliding his hand up and down varying his strokes in speed and pressure. He could hear Cas’s breath grow faster and shorter across the room. Only making him harder Dean began stroking faster and faster. He let out a quick moan feeling the pleasure build in him. Hearing Cas let out a long moan, Dean finally looked over at Cas as he began stroking harder. 

Cas saw Dean look at him and almost turned to look away. He was trapped in Dean’s gaze as he continued stroking his erection, feeling it slick over with pre-cum. He felt his hips buck up as his head shot back. He soon brought his gaze back to Dean’s watching his hand quickly stroke under his boxers. Cas wondered what he looked like. He was so close to seeing, but so far at the same time. Cas felt himself melting with pleasure as his breath began hitching more frequently and waves of intense pleasure ran through him. He heard Dean moan squeezing his eyes shut briefly before returning his eyes to Cas.

“Dean,” Cas breathed, feeling his orgasm rising within him. 

“C-as,” he heard Dean moan back.

Cas pumped his hand hard and quickly a few times more as he felt his orgasm rip through him. His body tensed as his head shot back, losing his gaze on Dean. As he rode out his orgasm he heard Dean groan across the room. Quickly sneaking a glance Cas saw Dean was in a state much like himself and had come as well. 

After a few moments, Dean pulled his hands from his now soiled boxers and wiped his hand on the fabric. He rubbed his shirt over his stomach cleaning off some of the come that hit him there. Looking over he saw Cas pulling down his blanket revelling a pulled down pair of pants and a pair of boxers sporting a wet patch where Cas had come. They both Got up walking towards each other. 

Cas wrapped his hands around Dean’s waist as Dean let his arms rest on Cas’s shoulders. Cas kissed Dean softly before he released saying, “We should probably clean up.” 

“Yea,” Dean agreed before sneaking in a quick kiss, “We’re kind of a mess.”  
The two separated as they went over and began changing. Dean was happy, very happy. He couldn’t remember a time that he felt like this. Every time he looked at Cas, his heart skipped a beat. Everything about Cas seemed perfect to him, it was like he was an Angel, a gift from God. 

As the two finished dressing Cas made his way over to Dean taking his hands in his. “We’re gonna be ok, right?”

Squeezing Cas’s hands Dean replied, “We will. We’ll be fine. As long as we don’t do anything out of the tents, we should be ok.” 

Cas squeezed Dean’s hands back before releasing them. 

“Let’s go, we’ve probably got one hell of a day ahead of us after what happened yesterday.”

The two smiled at each other before walking out of their tent. From anyone’s view, they looked completely normal. Two military partners making their way to breakfast. But they were more than that. They had feelings for each other, deep feelings. They shared a bond none of the other men had. They looked completely normal, but inside they were both struggling to control their joy, emotion, and nerves. 

The day was pretty relaxed for the two. Because their base had been bombed and Cas was still on watch for injury, they stayed behind at camp and helped out. Cas and Dean began by helping move boxes from the supply trucks that had shown up that morning. As they helped unload the trucks they couldn’t help but glance at each other at every possible chance. 

Cas was happy, very happy. His heart felt warm and his body was a flutter. ‘This is insane,’ Cas thought throughout the day. Insane for a couple of reasons. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He couldn’t believe it was happening here of all places. It was a pretty dangerous thing for them to be doing, and that worried him. But he knew it was worth it.

He felt so much joy inside him. All the doubts he had had before about whether or not enlisting had been worth it had vanished. Everything felt so right with Dean. 

He knew he was being unrealistic. They had only showed their feelings for each other a couple of hours ago. But their feelings were strong. He definitely know that. And what they were doing was a risk, a huge one at that, ‘The fact that Dean is willing to take that risk means he really cares for me,’ Cas thought. 

 

Dean felt a wave of joy rush through him every time his eyes met Cas’s. He couldn’t help the smile slapped across his face. He knew he probably looked like a dork, but frankly he didn’t care. ‘Cas likes me,’ Dean thought passing a box onto a cart, ‘Holy shit.’ 

After about an hour the trucks were finally unloaded. Cas and Dean had a break now and headed over back towards to their tent. 

“Hey Winchester,” Cas heard as he saw another soldier punch Dean’s arm, “Did someone get a special letter last night, or a very special video call?” 

The man laughed after asking Dean the question. Dean’s expression turned to confusion for a second before asking, “W-what do you mean.”

“Your girlfriend, I can see it on your face man, you’ve had this dreamy face all morning, its actually pretty funny.”

“Oh no,” Dean awkwardly laughed back, his arm going to the back of his head, “It’s nothing really, I mean-“

“Oh shit! I was right,” the man exclaimed, “Lovasz, I told you, he’s gonna get laid hard when he gets back!”

Lovasz walked over clapping his hand on Dean’s shoulder congratulating him in his apparent success with his ‘girlfriend’. Cas was a bit confused, and pretty annoyed. He wanted to set things straight here, but he knew he couldn’t. ‘They wouldn’t understand,’ Cas thought, ‘Rather, they would and they we really would be fucked.’

“See ya’ later guys,” Dean waved as he made his way over to Cas and the two walked back to their room. 

“Well, that was pretty weird,” Dean said looking over at Cas.

“Yea, I guess. We’re just lucky that they didn’t actually realize why exactly you were so happy.”

“I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be too happy about it,” Dean replied softly as he wrapped his hands around Cas’s waist pulling him in and nuzzling his head into Cas’s hair. 

“You’re probably right,” Cas laughed. He let his arms glide up Dean’s back in response, “But maybe they are right, just a little.”

“What do you mean,” Dean asked as he pulled his head back up.

“Maybe you will get laid, but perhaps a bit sooner than they predicted,” Cas answered looking down shyly. 

“Fuck Cas,” Dean answered grabbing Cas’s jaw and pulling him in for a kiss. He let his lips softly press onto Cas’s and felt his body fill with warmth upon the contact. Bringing his fingers into Cas’s hair he let his fingers glide through. 

Cas kissed Dean back eagerly and felt himself moan into Dean’s mouth as he felt Dean’s hands softly pull through his hair. His hands tugged Dean’s shirt out of his pants and Cas let his hands glide over Dean’s back. Cas let his lips press down on Dean’s harder as he started lightly sucking on the other man’s lips causing a moan to escape Dean. Cas began slightly nipping Dean’s lips for a bit before he returned to kissing him more tenderly.

Dean finally pulled away slightly out of breath. “You’re amazing,” Dean said as he took in the sight of Cas before him. He looked perfect. His hair was dishevelled just as he liked it. His eyes shined bright, a blue like the sky. And his lips, they were slightly swollen which made Dean smile, satisfied that he left somewhat of a mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter!  
> Make sure to follow the story, I update every week! You can follow my fanfics on tumblr at crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com
> 
> You can request a fic at crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com/ask


	8. Vanilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have a little fun but almost get caught. Later, Dean finds out Cas has kept a small secret from him!

The next few days went by too quickly. They were both still at camp and began to realize how much work went into maintaining the place. They had kitchen duty, they watched radar, and they stood on guard. 

“It’s kinda nice,” Cas whispered as they walked along their post.

“What’ya mean,” Dean asked.

“That we’re on post here now. I mean it sucks what happened, but it’s less stressful here, and were still helping out a lot.”

“That’s a good point,” Dean said smiling, “And there’s a bit more time for us to be in our tent, which I like a lot,” Dean continued as he playfully nudged Cas’s arm. 

Cas smiled and looked up at Dean. He lost himself in the other man’s eyes, and stopped walking. Dean took notice and grew worried suddenly.

“Cas, are you ok?”

“Oh, uh yea, sorry,” Cas said escaping from his trance, “I just… I really want to kiss you right now.” 

“Me too,” Dean said, turning to face Cas fully.

Dean looked around checking to see if anyone was around making sure they wouldn’t get caught, he pulled Cas in with one of his hands and quickly kissed Cas softly on his lips before pulling away fast. Cas’s cheeks flushed as he felt Dean’s lips on his, but there were gone just as fast as they had come. But it was enough.

“Hey Novak, Winchester,” a man called, causing the two to turn around quickly, “We’re here to take your shift over, you’re on break.” 

Dean’s heart began racing, worried that they had seen them kiss. 

“Yea, ok… thanks,” Dean stuttered as he and Cas turned to leave.

“Do you think they saw us,” Cas asked, his voice shaking.

“I mean, I checked before and no one was there… And it didn’t seem like he noticed, I mean if he had, he probably would have freaked out. Everyone knows Moffat is a homophobe.”

“You’re probably right,” Cas said as they made their way to their tent, hearts still racing.

 

Cas immediately sat down right after entering the tent.

“I’m still worried Dean,” Cas said.

“It’s ok, I am too,” Dean replied sitting down next to Cas, “But I’m sure he didn’t notice. We just can’t do that anymore, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No,” Cas whispered, “I wanted you to.”

Dean pulled his fingers through Cas’s hair as he looked into his eyes. He let his thumb slide over Cas’s ear playing with it for a bit. 

“We’ve, got some time,” Dean said quietly.

Cas took the hint and kissed Dean immediately filling the kiss with passion. Dean’s breath hitched on contact before he began kissing Cas back. He let one of his hand’s wrap around Cas’s back and pull him closer. Suddenly Cas climbed onto Dean’s lap and slid his hands under Dean’s shirt. Cas began letting his finger’s slide across Dean’s smooth muscles as he kissed Dean deeper, letting his tongue sweep over Dean’s. He loved this, this moment. He felt so happy and full of energy. His chest was on fire and his head felt clouded, he was lost in the moment. 

Dean moaned as he felt Cas’s finger slide over his nipple. Cas took notice and began playing with Dean’s nipples intently. Dean felt his body react and heat begin to rise in his groin. When his shirt was pulled off Dean felt Cas’s lips suck over one of his nipples. He moaned as he felt Cas’s tongue flick over the bud causing Dean’s erection to grow.   
“Cas,” Dean moaned as the sensations began overtaking him.

“You need to stay quiet Dean,” Cas teased looking up at Dean smiling.

“Shit Cas,” Dean said as he felt Cas’s kisses going lower, “Do you know what you’re doing to me right now?”

He felt Cas answer with a moan over his clothed groin causing Dean’s hands to grip the bed sheets as his head rolled back as he tried to stifle his moan. 

“Cas, please,” Dean begged, “Oh God,” Dean moaned as Cas moved his hands up and let his fingers flick over Dean’s nipple. 

Cas continued teasing Dean as the other man tried to control his gasping and his moans. He felt his erection straining against his pants. Cas shifted over him causing Dean to let out a sharp gasp as the friction increased.

 

“I told you I heard it,” a voice said from outside.

“Shit,” Cas said realizing they’ve been heard, “We need to be quiet Dean,” he whispered.

Dean tried to be quiet but he was still breathing hard. His body was on fire and he was having trouble trying to calm it down.

“I don’t hear anything,” another voice spoke.

“I totally heard it man, just stay for a bit longer.”

“Nah I’m just gonna go back, this is a waste of my time,” a pair of footsteps followed as one of the men walked away.

“Whatever,” they heard someone mumble as footsteps sounded again, leaving their proximity. 

Cas let out a sigh of relief as he sat up on top of Dean.

“That was close Dean,” Cas said with a serious expression on his face.

“Yea, your right,” Dean answered, his voice breaking as his body was still calming down.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Cas said realizing Dean was hard and he wasn’t doing anything to help by sitting on top of his erection. 

“N-it’s ok,” Dean groaned before taking in a large breath of air. 

“Do you want me to-“

“Shit yes- I mean, no. Never mind, we can’t risk it.”

Cas didn’t answer as he slid back onto Dean’s thighs and rubbed the palm of his hand over Dean’s bulge. 

“I think it’ll be worth the risk,” Cas whispered smiling mischievously. 

Dean’s mind began racing as he felt Cas slowly rub his hand over his erection causing him squirm under Cas and let out choked moans. 

Cas unzipped Dean’s pants and pushed his hand underneath Dean’s boxers. Dean gasped and his body stiffened as he felt Cas’s fingers around his dick. Cas began working his hand up and down, loosening and tightening his grip. Cas brought his hand out and tugged at Dean’s pants. Happily obliging, Dean lifted his hips allowing Cas to pull his pants down. 

Dean’s heart rate increased as he saw Cas’s head bow down and his eyes flick up before he kissed the head of Dean’s penis. Cas let his tongue slide on the underside from the tip to base. Opening his mouth, Cas took Dean’s dick in. He began bobbing his head up and down as his tongue slid around massaging Dean’s erection. Dean’s breath began hitching and he let out short gasps as Cas worked on him. Dean felt heat pooling more and more and he knew he was close.

Cas brought one hand to Dean’s balls and slowly began massaging as Dean gripped his hair almost pushing him down harder. Cas could taste the precum leaking out as he began moving his head faster and his tongue harder. Slowly Cas moved his hand away and pushed up one of Dean’s thighs giving him more access.

Dean felt Cas’s hand slide down a bit before he felt it teasing his hole. He was shocked but he felt his body reacting positively. Dean had never been with a guy before, so this was all new to him, but God was he loving it. He felt Cas’s mouth leave his dick before he felt something wet on his hole. He felt a tongue moving over it and he began squirming in pleasure as his breath began coming more and more uneven. Cas’s hand wrapped over Dean’s erection and began moving up and down. His pace increased as Dean began moaning more and more and his hips began moving sporadically. Cas pushed his tongue in Dean’s hole and Dean let out a loud restrained gasp.

Cas could tell Dean was close and pumped his hand harder and faster. He loved hearing Dean come undone and tried to tease his hole more and more as he brushed his finger over Dean’s tip. Dean let out a groan as his hips bucked up and his body stiffened. Cas felt cum on his hand as he continued pumping bringing Dean through his orgasm. 

Pulling his head up Cas saw Dean breathing heavily and revelled in the expression on Dean’s face. As dean continued breathing heavily Cas bent down again and began licking up the cum on Dean’s torso. 

“God Cas,” Dean breathed as he looked down at Cas licking him clean.

Cas licked his lips as he finished and brought himself up and kissed Dean softly. Dean kissed back and found himself exploring Cas’s mouth for some reason enjoying tasting himself on Cas’s tongue. Cas pulled away and let his hand run through Dean’s hair. Dean kissed him quickly before saying, “That was amazing Cas.”

Cas smiled saying, “I’m glad you liked it.”

“You know,” Dean laughed, “You have cum in your hair.”

“Oh shut up,” Cas replied smiling.

Playing with Dean’s hand Cas smiles feeling the soft tendrils beneath his fingers.   
“How much time do you think we have before we have to go back?”

“An hour I guess,” Dean replied as he brushed his thumb over Cas’s cheek. 

Cas laid down next to Dean and wrapped himself around him as they took the rest of their break to be together, and rest. 

 

After waking up, the two made themselves presentable and went back out. It was already almost dinner at that time and a lot of the men were getting back from their bases. Cas and Dean helped load up some trucks and quickly finished. 

By now they were thankfully getting used to the food. They sat down across from each other like they always do and began eating. 

“Not bad,” Dean commented taking a bite of the food.

Cas smiled and nodded in agreement as he took a bite himself. Around them conversations were busily going on. Men were talking about their families, things they missed, work, sports, and everything in-between.

“So, today,” Cas said blushing, “That was pretty good yea?”

Dean almost choked in surprise at Cas’s willingness to talk about that out in public, but he realized no one was paying attention to them of ever guess what the hell they were talking about.

“Yea, it was,” He smiled looking at Cas taking in the man across from. Dean brought his hand up to his head and let his fingers rub that back of his hair. “You’re amazing Cas, you know that,” Dean asked looking down, a bit embarrassed. 

Cas reached over and quickly squeezed Dean’s hand, “So are you.”

“So Novak, you’re birthday’s coming up in a few weeks.” Cas pulled his hand away as one of the commanding officers walked up to them.

“We can’t do much for you, but we sure can try.”

“Oh,” Cas murmured, looking over at Dean and back at the officer, “It’s ok, I don’t need anything.”

“Bullshit,” he said, “What kind of cake do you like, we can round up something like that, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Oh, vanilla I guess.”

“Good, continue on,” the officer said before sharply turning and walking off.

“What the hell Cas?” Dean exclaimed, “You didn’t fucking tell me your birthday was coming up!”

“Well, it’s not really important…”

“To hell it’s not! Seriously what the hell am I supposed to get you, I don’t have any time to ask for something to be sent from home.”

Dean was a bit shocked at the recent revelation. He really liked Cas and wanted everything between them to be perfect. Even his birthday he wanted it all to be perfect.

“I said it’s fine,” Cas instead not wanting to make a big deal with it. 

 

“Fine, fine. Be that way,” Dean laughed, “But tell me exactly when it is at least, please?”

“Fine, two Wednesdays from now.”

“Ok, well don’t expect me to not have anything lined up,” Dean said, going back to his food.

Cas smiled and began eating again. The rest of their meal continued like normal. They talked about different things. For some reason, Cas was always so interested in what Dean had to say. He loved hearing him talk and watching his face light up.

 

Making their way back to their tent Cas thought about his day. ‘It was pretty amazing,’ he thought. Cas smiled thinking about the risks they took today and how lucky they were that they got away with everything. 

“What’s so funny,” Dean asked, nudging Cas playfully with his shoulder. 

“I was just thinking about today. It was pretty crazy when you think about,” He said smiling as he looked up at Dean. 

“I think we’re pretty crazy Cas.” The two stepped into their tent, “But I love that.”

Dean wrapped his hands around Cas’s waist and pulled him in. He kissed Cas and allowed himself to loosen up. Pulling away after quite some time he said, “It’s pretty hard for me to not do that all day.”

“Same for me,” Cas said kissing Dean softly.

The two broke apart and got their things for the bathroom. After brushing their teeth and using the bathroom they made it back to the room and began undressing. Dean sat on his bed undoing his boots slowly as he watched Cas peel away his clothes. As Cas pulled off his shirt Dean felt his heart flutter, he kept his gaze as Cas moved onto his pants, pulling them off. Cas glanced over at Dean stopping once he caught Dean’s eyes. 

“Hey, don’t stop for me Cas,” Dean said smiling.

“Shut up,” Cas retorted continuing to remove his pants. 

They both finished up and Dean turned off the light. Cas climbed into bed and thought about his day again. ‘God I’m lucky,’ he thought.

“Goodnight Cas,” he heard Dean say.

“Night Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked this chapter!
> 
> Remember to comment! :)


	9. A Good Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally figures out what to get Cas for his birthday, but is worried he won't like it. When Dean finally gives Cas his gift some things go as planned and other things don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you like this chapter. I've been waiting to publish it for such a long time!

Over the next week Dean worried about what he should get Cas. He had found out about his birthday too late to ask for Sam to send something from home, so he had to find something there. ‘Maybe something I already have,’ he thought to himself, ‘But that’s a pretty shity thing to do.’

Dean really wanted to make Cas happy, he wanted to give him a good gift something meaningful. 

“What’s up,” Cas asked on their ride to a new base, they were relocating bases that day finally after theirs was attacked.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I mean, I don’t know what to get you for your birthday.”

“Seriously Dean,” Cas said, “I said I don’t want anything for my birthday, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. And it’s not your fault, I didn’t tell you, so there really isn’t anything you could get me anyway.”

“Yea I guess you’re right, but I like giving people gifts, and birthdays only come once a year. In a place like this, we need all the fun we can get.”

“Yea that’s true,” Cas agreed, “But seriously, I don’t want anything,” he continued on whispering, “I already have you, and that’s all I want.”

Dean sat there in silence the remainder of the ride. His thoughts were racing still trying to think of the perfect gift. ‘I already have you, and that’s all I want,’ he recalled. Smiling to himself Dean thought it over a few times more. He was sure as hell nervous, but he was pretty sure he had the right gift. ‘I don’t even know much about this,’ he thought, ‘Shit.’ Dean looked over at Cas and saw him turn to smile up at him, ‘It’ll be fine, I hope,’ Dean thought, ‘He’ll love it.’

 

“Happy birthday Novak,” the officer said as he placed a vanilla cake on the table where Cas was sitting. Across from him Dean smiled and the men around them began crowding hoping to get a slice. As Cas shared his cake, receiving wishes for a safe and good year ahead, he couldn’t help but notice Dean’s uneasiness. Actually, he’d been acting a bit strange for the past few days. But Cas had dismissed it all together. 

After their dessert, the two headed back to their tent. “Hey Dean,” Cas said upon their arrival, “Thanks for not getting me anything, I mean it, I really don’t want this to be a big deal.”

“Oh yea, no problem,” Dean mumbled placing his hand behind his head and rubbing it nervously. He was getting more and more awkward Cas had noticed, especially in the last few hours. 

“Hey, maybe we should shower,” Dean said gathering up his things up.

“Ok, sure. Give me a sec,” Cas said, before gathering his things and heading out.

 

The two ended up going to the bathroom before using the shower, and Dean made sure to stay in there for a while. Not only was he nervous, but he knew they would have to stay up a bit later than most people, just in case. He was stalling for time, and stalling because of his anxiety. 

“Are you ok,” Dean heard Cas ask from outside his stall.

“Oh, uh- yea I’m fine,” Dean lied, quickly getting out and heading toward the shower. 

Cas entered his shower stall and got out of his clothes. His mind was full of ideas as to why Dean was acting so strange, but he really had no idea. Cas saw Dean remove his clothes and turn on the water, and he followed suit. Feeling the warm water fall over him helped clear his head a bit. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Dean lathering soap all over his body. Cas couldn’t help but turn to look as Dean’s fingers glided over his smooth skin. Cas whished those hands were his, and he was in there with Dean. But obviously that would never happen, at least for a long time, he thought.

Trying to get his mind off Dean’s body Cas began washing his hair with shampoo. It helped for a bit as he closed his eyes avoiding looking at Dean. But when his hair was rinsed clean, once again his eyes were glued on the man next to him. Soon Dean had finished washing himself and Cas was thankful they could leave soon. He was getting hard, and he didn’t want anyone to notice, especially not here. 

Dean however wasn’t ready to get out. Again he was stalling for time. He washed himself again noticing that they were the last two in the showers. He gave himself a couple more minutes before turning off the shower and heading out. He wrapped the towel around his waist and grabbed his stuff. 

“Hey Dean,” Cas called, “Aren’t you going to change here?”

“Oh, uh no, I uh- I forgot my stuff, back in the tent.”

Cas thought that was pretty strange but followed Dean anyway. He felt the crisp night air on his body as they walked in silence. Dean looked strange, even stranger than he had looked all day. Outside of their tent Cas stopped Dean saying, “Seriously Dean, what is going on.”

“What do you mean,” Dean tried saying as calm as possible.

“Well I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking! You’ve been acting weird for the past few days and I want to know why. If something’s wrong or bothering you, I want to know, I want to help.”

“I said it’s nothing Cas,”

“No, tell me,“ Cas demanded.

Dean knew Cas was serious, and didn’t want to raise a commotion waking up their neighbours, “Ok fine,” he said, “I’ll tell you inside.”

 

Dean’s heart was racing as they entered and he closed the tent. 

“So, what is it,” Cas asked.

Dean turned towards Cas after putting his stuff down. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. 

“Your birthday present-“

“I already said Dean, I don’t want anything,” Dean could tell Cas was getting annoyed.

“Well, yea I know, but-“

“I said I don’t want anything, it’s just my birthday. It’s really not a big d-“

Cas was cut off by Dean’s mouth on his. He felt Dean’s hands wrap around him and he let his own hands lay on Dean’s waist. Dean pulled Cas in tightly and began kissing with more passion. Cas felt Dean’s tongue against his as if longing for something. Feeling his erection beginning to return as their bodies rubbed together Cas pulled away.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he breathed.

“Happy birthday.”

“W-what do you mean?

“You said all you wanted was me, and I’m giving you me.”

Cas stared at Dean for a minute trying to understand exactly what he was saying. Dean’s heart was racing prepared for rejection as his body filled with fear.

“Do you mean-“

“Yes,” Dean answered quietly.

Cas kissed Dean hard on the mouth before moving his hands to pull off Dean’s towel. He moved his hands over to his own towel and let it drop. He could feel Dean’s erection on his as their bodies moved together. Cas was overwhelmed. This was not what he had expected in the slightest. But he was happy, very happy.

Dean felt heat begin to pool in his groin as he felt Cas’s dick on his. Inadvertently his hips began to buck and grind over Cas’s and he heard the other man moan in response. Bringing his hands down, Dean let his hands grab Cas’s ass and he squeezed. He hadn’t expected to do that, but he was glad he did. Cas kissed him harder and ground his hips into Dean’s in response. 

Dean let his hands glide over Cas’s ass feeling the muscle underneath. He brought his hands up along Cas’s sides and let his fingers tickle Cas’s skin. 

Cas brought his kisses lower and began sucking on Dean’s neck. This caused Dean’s hips to grind against Cas’s as he let out a gasp. He tried to control his breathing as Cas began kissing and sucking harder, noticing how undone Dean was getting from this. Cas felt them both becoming very hard and brought his lips up to Dean’s ear. He bit Dean’s ear teasingly before whispering, “Bed.”

Dean followed as Cas pulled him onto the bed. Landing on top, Dean took the opportunity to look down at Cas before kissing him. Cas brought his hands up into Dean’s head and tugged as he felt Dean’s body moving against his. He could feel Dean’s leg against his dick sending pleasure throughout his body.

Cas was getting drawn into the moment. Everything around them was melting away and it was just the two of them.

“Dean,” Cas said sharply turning his head. He looked up at Dean seeing the worry in the other man’s eyes. “Are you sure you want to- I mean, it’s your first time, you don’t have to do this for me.”

“Please Cas,” Dean breathed, “I want this,” He continued as he purposefully ground his erection against Cas’s.

“Oh fuck,” Cas moaned before capturing Dean’s lips with his, “But are you sure? We could wait, if you want.”

“I want this Cas, as long as you do too,” Dean smiled.

 

“Yes,” Cas said as he brought his hands down and began playing with Dean’s nipple. He let the bud fall between his fingers as he slowly teased him. Cas used his tongue to more passionately kiss dean as he began grinding his hips into Deans. He wanted Dean to feel pleasure, he wanted his first time to be great. 

“C-cas,” Dean breathed as Cas began rubbing Dean’s nipples harder. Cas could feel Dean’s erection and smiled at his work.

With one swift motion Cas was on top of Dean. He sat up straight looking down at the man below him. 

“Like the view,” Dean teased rolling his hips causing Cas to gasp.

“Y-yes.”

Cas let his hands slide over Deans hips a few times before making their way down. He let his fingers slowly make their way through Dean’s pubic hair before he slowly let one finger trace the top of Dean’s dick from base to tip.

Taking notice to how Dean’s body squirmed below him, Cas slowly wrapped a hand around his erection and began pumping. Below him Dean was trying to quiet his voice as his body was filling with pleasure. Dean had never felt like this before. He’d been with girls before, quite a few, but no one had ever been like this. Cas was different, he was special.

“Ca-as,” Dean moaned as he bucked into Cas’s hand.

Cas new he’d better start soon because he could tell Dean might lose it before he did. 

“Dean, Is it ok if I-“

“P-lease,” Dean begged.

“It’s your first time so I figured-“

“Fuck, please, I already said yes, fuck me Cas”

Cas moved down Deans legs as he removed his hand from Dean’s dick. They’d been pretty open about their lives, so Cas knew they were both clean, and he didn’t have to worry. 

“Do you have any-“

“In the box under the bed.”

Cas quickly got the lube and generously covered his fingers after putting the condom on. He pulled Dean’s legs up giving him better access and propped them over his shoulders. Taking one finger Cas slowly placed it over Dean’s hole and slowly moved it around making sure to not move too quickly. After a bit, he slowly pressed his finger in, feeling Dean’s tightness.

“You need to relax Dean,” Cas instructed.

He was able to push his finger in more as Dean relaxed. Cas began moving his finger around, in and out getting Dean used to its presence. 

“I’m putting in another,” Cas warned before he carefully pushed in a second finger.

Dean gasped in pain as he felt the second finger go in.

“Are you ok?”

“Y-yes,” Dean said, trying to sound confident. He felt the finger go deeper as the pain increased. ‘How the fuck is this going to happen,’ Dean thought as his body adjusted to the fingers. Cas started pushing his fingers deeper before pulling back and pushing in more. Dean felt his body responding as his hips began rolling into Cas as if begging for more. He began gasping in both pain and pleasure as Cas began scissoring his fingers trying to loosen Dean up. Dean felt his body fill with even more heat and pleasure as he relaxed even more. 

Suddenly he felt Cas remove his fingers. 

“I think you’re ready,” Cas said.

Dean saw Cas take hold of his own penis and he felt it on his hole. His body filled with fear, excitement, and anticipation. This was really going to happen, Dean was so happy he had waited, he waited for Cas.

“I’m going in, ok,” Cas said before he began slowly pushing in.

Dean nodded letting Cas know he was ready.

“Shi-it,” Dean groaned biting his fist.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Fuck no, please more,” Dean demanded.

Cas complied as he slowly pushed all the way in. He pulled back again and felt his own body shudder in pleasure as he felt Dean’s body around him. Cas bent over more and took Dean’s lips in his for a moment before pushing in a bit faster. Dean let out another gasp before bucking his hips into Cas asking for more. Cas began moving in and out faster and harder now that Dean’s body was used to him. Cas could feel the pleasure rush through his body as he moved deeper and deeper. Dean’s hips rocked up as his mind started going blank. He was lost in the pleasure. 

Dean loved feeling so close to Cas. His whole body was reacting and filling with pleasure. His heart felt swelled with happiness and he couldn’t take his eyes off the man above him as they rocket together.

Suddenly Dean let out a loud gasp as Cas hit his prostate. Dean cursed as Cas rammed into him once again hitting the same spot. 

“F-uck, C-s,” Dean moaned out.

Cas knew Dean was close and he was too, he began moving in and out faster and faster as his motions became more sporadic and uncontrolled. He felt Dean clench around him after he pushed in once more. 

Dean’s head rocked back as his hips rocked up and pleasure shot through him. He felt a warm liquid hit his torso as his orgasm rolled through him. Cas moaned loudly and hit his limit as well, his body tensed up filling Dean. 

Dean felt his body fill with warmth as Cas released inside of Dean. The two kept rocking as they rode out their orgasms. Dean was breathing heavily and Cas was trying to catch his own breath. Cas pulled out before letting his body drop onto Deans. He let his fingers glide through Dean’s hair as he kissed him deeply. 

“Cas,” Dean breathed.

Cas just kissed him back before rolling next to him. He was exhausted and knew Dean was too. Feeling a warmth in his chest Cas looked at Dean smiling, ‘God I love him,’ he thought. He saw Dean’s eyes closing and guessed he could wait to tell him for a bit. Dean was probably still not used to being with a guy and they’d only been together for a month, but it felt so much longer. They’d become so close in the three months they’d been on tour. 

Dean let his mind float as his body relaxed. He felt amazing, better than he had ever felt before. Smiling Dean felt Cas’s arm and leg wrap around him. He thought of his day and how nervous he had been before. ‘Cas liked his present I guess,’ Dean thought. He smiled and felt his heart skip a beat as heard Cas say, “Goodnight Dean.”

“Goodnight Cas,” he replied softly, his mind losing its battle to sleep, ‘I love you,’ he thought as he fell asleep. 

 

“Winchester, Novak! What in the name of Hell are you two doing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Sorry for the suspense...
> 
> Please leave a comment! :)


	10. Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean find themselves in a bit of trouble. As soon as everything started, it gets ripped right out from underneath them.

Cas shot up in surprise as he tried to figure out what was going on. He felt someone squirm next to him and realized it was Dean. He felt his heart sink as he realized what was happening. Dean looked up at him smiling before seeing the look of horror on Cas’s face. He turned to where Cas was looking and felt his whole body fill with pain. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuck,’ he thought. 

He sat up and took Cas’s hand in his, they were both screwed, but there was no way he would deny what exactly their relationship was.

“Would you two like to fucking explain yourselves? Everyone’s here,” He said, gesturing beside him. And he was right a lot of other soldiers were there, staring shocked. 

“I- sir-“ Cas tried to say, but he could hardly speak. 

“Shut up Novak, you and your fuck buddy have a lot of explaining to do.” Dean winced at those words, ‘Fuck buddy, I love him not-‘ his thoughts were cut off as the officer continued, “In five minutes I expect you two in the General’s office. And you better fucking have some close on you fags!”

Cas felt his body filling with fear and pain. Their tent closed and he heard the men walking away. Looking over at the clock he noticed it was 6:43 A.M. they had slept in almost an hour.

“I’m so- sor-ry,” Cas breathed, his head hanging low as his eyes began filling with tears. 

“Cas,” Dean said as he wrapped his arms around him, “This was my idea. It’s my fault, I should never have pushed-“

“You didn’t push me Dean,” Cas snapped, “I wanted this, I have for a while.”

Dean stood up and pulled Cas up with him, lowering his head he pulled Cas in and kissed him softly. He let his love flow through his kiss as his emotions ran wild. 

“Come on,” Dean said, “We’d better go.”

Cas felt Dean squeeze his hand before turning and beginning to dress. Taking a deep breath Cas tried to Calm down, They were fucked, and it wasn’t going to end well.

 

A few minutes later Cas and Dean left their tent. The men hadn’t left for their bases yet, so all eyes were on them. They could see people turning to one another and talking about them. A few slurs were thrown their way, and each time Cas had to stop Dean from going at them. 

Taking a deep breath Cas opened the door and let Dean in as he followed behind. They were escorted to the General’s office where they took their seats.

 

“I heard you two were caught in- compromising circumstances this morning, is that true?”

“What the hell do you mean by ‘compromising’,” Dean snapped.

“Calm down,” Cas whispered squeezing Dean’s leg.

Raising his voice a little the General continued, “At 7:43 this morning you two were found naked in bed together,” Looking sternly at Dean he continued, “Now I can only think of one reason why you two would be in this situation.”

“I do not believe we did anything wrong Sir,” Cas replied.

“Besides being late and sleeping in, you presumably had sex with another officer while on duty, is that correct?”

“It is Sir, but”

“It is in fact against the rules for two officers stationed at the same base to be ‘involved’ with one another at any time on duty. This is precisely why we do not allowed married couples to serve together.”

“But-“

The captain cleared his throat loudly and continued. “It is a huge distraction to say the least. Now, I do not have any problem with two men being together. I think it’s great. Just not here. And I can’t just let you off with a warning like I would have if I had caught you.”

Cas’s heart was aching and he could see the pain and worry in Dean’s expression, “But unfortunately I didn’t catch you, another man did, one who is not as lenient about these things as I am, and you have more than a few other witnesses as well. Now I apologise for all this really, he shouldn’t have shown you off like that, and he will be punished, but I have to remove one of you.”

“W-what do you mean,” Cas asked, his voice shaking.

“One of you will be removed from this camp and relocated for the remainder of his tour.”

“You can’t fucking do that,” Dean yelled.

Dean was so confused. Everything was happening so fast and tearing apart right before him. Just when he thought he was finally happy, it was beginning taken away from him.

“I’m sorry but I have to. As of today, Castiel Novak, you will be transferred to the Cerro Camp until the remainder of your tour is over.”

“No, fuck you,” Dean yelled, “You can’t do this, I won’t fucking let you!”

Cas just sat there in silence as he let it sink in. It was over, it was all over. His heart felt like it was breaking and he couldn’t do anything about it. The General headed to the door opening it and was met by two officers, “Gentlemen, please escort Winchester and Novak out and bring Novak to the vehicle.”

“Fuck you, you fucking dick,” Dean was yelling and his voice was breaking. He felt like his whole life was being ripped out from under him. Looking at Cas he saw tears in the other man’s eyes. Dean struggled ad the men brought them out.

They were taken across the yard as the men around them stared in awe. They stopped in front of a vehicle that was open. 

“Novak, you will be coming with us to be transported to Sequoia.”

“I- No,” Cas said softly crying.

“They’re going to kill him,” Dean interrupted.

“That wasn’t a question sir.”

“You know that place is worse than hell, you gonna make him fucking die,” Dean yelled.

Cas looked over at Dean before his face was flooded with tears. It was over, it was all over. He finally had found the man he loved, the one he loved more than anything in the world. The man who cared about him so much, who got him, and was his best friend.

Not being restrained unlike Dean, Cas ran the few steps to Dean and kissed him hard, not caring about anything else in the world.

For a second Dean’s empty heart began filling again. But as soon as it started it was gone, Castiel was grabbed and being pulled away from him his warm soft lips being pulled away too. Tears began to run down Dean’s face as he tried to pull away from the men holding onto him. He saw as the other men forced Cas into the vehicle and the engine started. 

“Cas no,” Dean cried, his voice rubbing raw, “Please no!”

“Dean, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Cas cried his body shaking in pain. 

“Cas please,” Dean yelled as he saw the van pulling away.

“De-an,” Cas choked out.

“Cas, I lov-,” but the door to the vehicle slammed shut and they were speeding away. 

The men let go of Dean allowing him fall to the ground. Kneeling in the dirt Dean tried to stop choking and steady his breathing.

He felt pain, so much pain. Cas was gone, ‘Gone’. His heart felt like it had been cut open he felt as if he was dying. 

Tears hit the earth causing the dirt to darken matching Dean’s mood and the world he was not in. He was empty, everything was gone. 

“I love you,” he whispered before passing out in shock, completely empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! I'm so sorry it's sad. But I promise the story will end happy. I would never do that to you!
> 
> I would love it if you left me a review, also you can follow my fanfic tumblr at crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com or follow my personal tumblr at noticed--by--senpai.tumblr.com


	11. So Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Cas and Dean ow separated, the two go through emotional turmoil. Eventually Dean is able to start sending letters to Cas, making things more manageable.

“Novak,” Cas’s mind was abuzz. He was thinking about everything, and nothing all at once. So much had happened in the last day he couldn’t focus on anything. All he knew for sure that he was in pain. So much pain. 

“Novak!”

Castiel jerked up looking around seeing that he was being called. Realizing they stopped, he stood up and stumbled out. 

“Novak, welcome to Cerro. For now, you will be taken to your tent and later we will find you a partner.” 

Cas could barely hear what the man was saying to him. He didn’t even know how long he had been in the jeep. He hardly could remember much of that day except for being taken away from Dean. 

At the thought, Cas felt a twinge of pain saying, “Fuck.”

“What was that,” the man yelled at Cas.

“Nothing sir. I- Nothing.” 

Cas noticed a bag was left next to him and picked it up noticing his name on it. He assumed they must have packed his things for him. Following another officer, he made it to his room. 

“You have to be ready at lunch, so that leaves you one hour,” the man said, before leaving Cas in his tent. 

‘We must have drove for at least two and a half hours,’ Cas thought. He placed his bag down before sitting down on his new bed. 

It didn’t feel right, nothing did. Leaning into his hands, Cas felt tears forming in his eyes. ‘Fuck,’ he thought, ‘How did I end up here.’ Taking a deep breath Cas let himself cry freely. ‘I’m never going to see him again. He’s probably going to- or I’m going to… die.’

 

Dean woke up head on fire. He felt a sharp pain and had to lay back down. A medic came over to help him telling him to lay down. 

“What happened,” Dean asked. He looked around, taking in his environment. He felt stiff and he felt cold.

“You passed out. We’re not exactly sure why, you’re perfectly healthy bu-“

“Cas,” Dean breathed, “Where’s Cas?”

“Novak- has been transferred, to Cerro. I thought you would remember your little fuck toy being taken away from you,” Dean realized the man speaking was the one who had woken them this morning, the one who had ruined everything.

“Fuck you,” Dean yelled, trying to get up. The medic next to him restrained him as he struggled. 

“Sir, I suggest you leave. Winchester is not in a state for visitors,” the medic said.

The man huffed, turning on his heal and walking out. 

 

Dean allowed himself to relax, now that the man was gone. He started to think about what had happened. Everything was lost. Cas was gone, taken away. ‘He’s gonna get hurt,’ Dean thought his body tensing at the thought. 

“Sir, you need to rest, right now we’re monitoring you and you should be released by this evening.”

Dean heard the man, but didn’t react. All he could think about was Cas. He was missing, he was so far away. Dean was empty.

 

At seven o’clock at night, Dean was released. He made his way slowly to the dining area, taking his food to a secluded area to eat. He didn’t want to see all the other men having fun, talking to each other. It reminded him too much of what he was missing. 

After eating in silence, Dean threw away his leftover food and walked to his tent. He stopped right as he walked in and looked around. He felt so alone without Cas. For the last few months, they had been together all day. Cas was what made him most comfortable and now that he was gone, everything seemed wrong. 

Dean decided to go to bed early that night. He had nothing left he wanted to do, no one to stay up for. After taking off his uniform he sat on his bed, trying to relax. He stared across the room to Cas’s empty bed. It was still messy from this morning and the thought of last night made Dean smile, but only for a moment. 

His mind back in reality, Dean felt crushed once again. He had to do something to be closer to Cas. ‘I’ll write him,’ Dean thought, ‘But how.’ Dean was too exhausted to really think about exactly what he was going to do and how. Looking over at Cas’s bed again he got up and walked over. Sitting on the bed he sighed and moved to lay down. He wrapped the blankets around him, taking a deep breath, he could smell Cas and it gave him some comfort. As he dozed off and began to sleep a tear left his eyes. 

 

Cas’s first day at the new base wasn’t very fun. He already hated it at Cerro and he had barely been there a couple of hours. He missed Dean. Cas felt completely empty and lost without him. His whole world for the last few months had been ripped away from him in a matter of seconds. 

But Cas knew he couldn’t lose it here. He knew he would have to pretend like everything was ok if he was going to make it through his tour. 

“Novak,” Castiel heard someone call, turning he saw a superior officer and saluted, “I’m to take you where you are supposed to stay. I have also been informed of your… situation. Now I don’t care about your personal business, but I will have none of that here, understood?”

“Understood,” Castiel answered. He felt hurt, like salt was being rubbed into the wound that bled all over his body. ‘Why would he think I would even do that with anyone else,’ Castiel thought as he followed the officer, ‘It’s Dean, only Dean.’

The barracks here were different than the ones he was used to. These ones were more like the ones they used in training back home. So he was used to this, but that didn’t make him feel any happier about the situation he was in. Putting his stuff on his new bed the officer said his goodbyes as Castiel saluted once again. 

A few minutes later, some of the men began walking to wherever the dining area was. Cas didn’t feel hungry. He felt sad. But he knew he should probably go get something to eat anyway even if he didn’t really feel like it. Getting up, he followed the other men and got in line for his food. 

Everything here was so different. Yes he was in a new place, but he was also alone. Cas felt like a part of him was missing. He missed everything about Dean, he missed simply having him by his side while they waited in line. 

Cas ate his food without talking to anyone. ‘I’m not here to make friends,’ He thought. Castiel’s whole disposition had changed. He no longer cared about others, anyone for that matter. Sure he would do what he could to help, but he felt like everyone was against him at this point.

 

A few days passed and the two began getting used to their new situations. Dean still didn’t have a partner, and part of him was thankful for that. He didn’t want anyone to take Cas’s place. He knew once that happened, everything would become even more difficult. 

Knocking on the General’s door Dean took a deep breath. He was allowed in and sat down before the officer in front of him.

“What brings you here Winchester?”

“Sir,” Dean hesitated, “I was wondering If y-you could maybe give me permission to send letters to Cas- I mean Novak.”

Dean knew he wasn’t allowed to get the location of Cas exactly buy he wanted to be able to send his letters to another soldier, which he was told is a bit more difficult.

“I will try. I know what you went through is tough, so I will make this a priority.”

Dean let out a sigh in relief, “Expect an answer by tonight.”

“Thank you so much, Sir,” Dean said as he stood up saluting the General.

“No problem.”

 

Just as Dean was told, he got an answer that night. A message was sent to him containing the information to which he could send the letter. Immediately, Dean sat down and got out a pen and paper. His heart raced as he thought about what to write. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to say. His mind had been racing all day. He was confused, overwhelmed. 

Dean looked down and started writing. 

 

Hey Cas, how are you? 

I miss you, a lot. This really sucks doesn’t it? I’m really pissed off about what happened. Actually I’m a lot more than pissed and I’m kind of freaking out here. I guess I passed out after they took you away. But I’m fine now. So don’t worry.

‘I really don’t want him to worry about me,’ Dean thought as he continued writing.

Anyway, how are you? 

‘I already said that, didn’t I?’

I already said that didn’t I? But really, I hope you’re ok. I’m so sorry this happened. They should have at least taken me away. 

‘This is so fucking not fair.’

Especially after what you already went through. I know Cabrillo is really rough, and I really hope you are alright. I know you will be. We will be.

Dean paused and took a deep breath. Writing this letter was much harder than he thought it would be. Dean felt like shit he felt hopeless and alone. But he knew this was important.

It’s really not the same with you here. I don’t really have anyone to talk to. And I don’t have a partner anymore. Which I’m kind of happy about, I don’t think I could handle anyone right now. 

Cas I really don’t know if I can do this without you. It sucks so much and we haven’t even been apart for very long. Everything hurts and I feel like there’s no reason for me to do anything. You give me a reason to stay strong and to keep going. And now that you’re gone, it’s so hard to feel motivated to do anything. But I know I’ll be able to see you in a few weeks. And I’m so fucking excited for that.

God I miss you.

Dean thought about Cas’s touch. He could still feel it, and it made him happy to be able to remember it. He wanted to feel that again. He thought of the feeling of Cas’s body on his and when they finally became one. His heart fluttered at the thought but it sunk as he remembered what he was dealing with now.

I miss you so fucking much. Everything about you Cas. I want to kiss you so badly right now. I want to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright. I want to run my fingers through your hair and across your back. God this is really hard. I just hope you know how much you mean to me. The only reason I think I haven’t gone crazy without you is because I know I’ll be able to see you when our tours are over.

Stay safe. Please stay safe. Know I’m always thinking of you, and that you’re keeping me going. 

Pretend my hand is laced with yours and I’m kissing you. Right now, I don’t want anything in the world more than that.

~Love Dean.

 

Cas hates it here. Every day he thinks it’s going to get better, and it never does. very day Cas feels more and more alone. He feels disconnected from everyone else. He feels abandoned.

Cas knows he wasn’t really abandoned, but it feels that way. He knows Dean wants to be with him right now, or at least he thinks he does. He tries to act relatively normal, except rumours are starting to go around camp as to why he was suddenly transferred. 

He’s heard just about everything in the books by now. Someone asked him if he killed another officer, and he heard someone whispering that he was a special operative. It’s all bullshit to him, and frankly he doesn’t really care what the other men decide to think about him. He just wants to serve his time and be done with it. 

 

He goes through the motions for a few days trying to keep his spirits up when a letter arrives. 

“Holy shit,” he whispers as he sees the name on the letter, ‘Dean Winchester,’ It reads. Cas hurries back to his room before opening it, his heart racing the whole way there. He didn’t really think Dean would be able to find him. It was already pretty hard for soldiers to send letters to each other between camps but he never thought Dean would get his information.

Ripping open the letter Cas’s heart skipped a beat as he began reading. 

 

I miss you, a lot. This really sucks doesn’t it?

 

‘I miss you too. Yea this fucking sucks.’

 

I guess I passed out after they took you away. But I’m fine now. So don’t worry.

 

‘Don’t worry are you fucking kidding me? What the hell Dean?’

 

I already said that didn’t I?

‘Dork.’

 

Cas I really don’t know if I can do this without you. It sucks so much and we haven’t even been apart for very long. Everything hurts and I feel like there’s no reason for me to do anything.

 

Cas felt his heart clench up. He knew exactly what Dean meant, he knew exactly how he felt. But he couldn’t do anything about it.

 

You give me a reason to stay strong and to keep going. And now that you’re gone, it’s so hard to feel motivated to do anything. But I know I’ll be able to see you in a few weeks. And I’m so fucking excited for that.

 

Cas didn’t want anything in the world more than to see Dean right now. He felt like shit, but he knew Dean could make it better. They needed to be together, Cas needs him.

 

I miss you so fucking much. Everything about you Cas. I want to kiss you so badly right now. I want to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright.

 

Cas felt his eyes begin to fill with tears as he read. He felt his heart sink as he was reminded of their separation, of how far apart they truly were. 

 

The only reason I think I haven’t gone crazy without you is because I know I’ll be able to see you when our tours are over.

 

‘I want to see you so badly,’ Cas thought as a tear fell blurring the letters on the page.

 

Pretend my hand is laced with yours and I’m kissing you. Right now, I don’t want anything in the world more than that.

 

Cas let himself cry now. He felt his heart giving out as the pain hit him once again. He knew Dean wanted to be with him, he knew he was there in spirit, but he still felt so alone.

 

~Love Dean.

 

Cas read the line over and over again, ‘Love Dean.’ He tried to control himself, but the tears just kept coming. He clenched his fist around the sheet he was sitting on as he whispered, “I love you.” Over and over again Cas whispered the words. Cas knew he was in love with Dean and that he had fallen hard. Looking back at the words Dean had written, Cas couldn’t help but think, ‘Maybe he loves me too.’

Cas let himself sit there and cry. He knew he needed it. But after a few minutes and after reading the letter again. He pulled out some paper, a pen, and an envelope and began writing. 

Cas didn’t know exactly what to say, so he wrote everything that came to his mind.

 

Dear Dean,

I’m glad you’re ok. I miss you so much. I want to tell you that everything is ok and that I’m doing fine here, but I’m not. It sucks. Everything hurts without you and I feel so alone. I have barely spoken in the last few days, since we left each other, and I’m finding it very difficult to get used to being here, without you.

I can’t believe you fainted you dork! Seriously, what are we going to do without each other? But try not to worry about me too much, I’ll be ok. Like you said, ‘We’ll be ok.’ 

God, I don’t even know what I’m writing I just miss you so much, God this sucks. But I want you to know that I’m so thankful for you. Everything you have given me so far has been amazing. I’m so grateful for you and you already have changed my life so much, I want you to know that. 

Don’t forget how much you mean to me. Please never forget that. Remember that I’ll stay safe, and that we’ll see each other soon. And when we do, I’m gonna kiss you so hard you won’t even remember that we were separated.

Stay strong Dean. Know that I’m always thinking about you and that we both are going to be ok. I’ll see you soon.

Love, Cas

 

Cas sealed the envelope and went out to send it to Dean. The air was cold and it hit him as he exited his quarters. Cas couldn’t stop thinking about Dean’s letter that he had send. He was thankful for it, and it really meant a lot to Cas. 

Stopping in front of the mail slot, Cas held the letter tight and took a deep breath before pushing the envelope through the slip and walking away. He hoped Dean would get the letter soon and he would hear back quickly as well. What he really wanted was for Dean to be by his side, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

 

Dean was finally assigned to work outside of camp. He was partly relieved for the change of pace, the distraction, but he missed the safety of the base. Currently he was stationed in a nearby town guarding the people and doing research on the area and its inhabitants, maintaining control. 

He enjoyed the work, and had been assigned to group with new partners, two of them. Alcaraz and Getz were pretty cool, Dean thought, and he seemed to be getting along with them well enough. But he still fucking missed Cas. 

His time at his new post was pretty uneventful. He heard reports of increased enemy activity, but they had yet to see it themselves. Despite the relative peace in their area, each day was tense. They had to be ready for anything. Just a few days prior a camp about seventy miles away had been attacked, and it didn’t end well for either side. 

When Dean got back to his room that night he saw a letter on his bed. It had been almost a week since he had sent his letter to Cas, and he was starting to wonder if it had even sent. 

Dean immediately sat down, dropping his things, and ripped open the envelope. ‘It’s from Cas,’ He thought as he began reading. He felt his heart sink as he read Cas describing how terrible he felt without Dean.

Laughing at Cas calling him a ‘dork’ for passing out, Dean felt his heart rise slightly. 

‘We’ll be ok,’ he read, repeating the words softly to himself.

‘-You already have changed my life so much, I want you to know that,’ Dean wanted to know what that meant. Had he really changed Cas’s life, Cas certainly changed his. He continued reading, ‘Don’t forget how much you mean to me. Please never forget that.’ 

“I love you Cas,” Dean said to himself feeling his heart rate quicken. 

Dean found himself laughing soon after reading that Cas was going to kiss him so hard it would be as if they were never apart. 

‘Love Cas.’

‘Love,’ Dean read over and over again. “Love,” he said out loud, trying to make sense of it all. He tried to remember what he had written. ‘Maybe Cas just wanted to say what I said, and try not to make it awkward. I mean, there aren’t many other good closings…’

Dean put the thought behind him as he got out his pen and paper and began writing. He wanted to tell Cas so much, to show him so much. But writing would have to do for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Its a bit happier than the last.
> 
> Please review, it means a lot to me!


	12. More Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets more used to his new partners. One day while they're out he hears a rumor that changes everything.

Over the next few weeks Cas and Dean exchanged letters as much as possible. Between the delivery process that ended up being one letter sent every two or three days. 

Their conversations tended not to change too much. They were both in a lot of pain and had no other way of dealing with it. Cas had expressed that he had been feeling worse and worse lately now that he was apart from Dean. His anxiety was becoming more of an issue even though it hadn’t been too much of a problem prior to their separation. He told Dean that he felt much more cold and distanced from the world. Like he almost had no emotions and felt nothing but pain. 

Dean said that he felt similar, and that Cas shouldn’t worry because they would see each other in just two more weeks. 

Neither of them could believe how quickly the whole tour was going by. Even though the last three weeks felt like eternity, they couldn’t help but have a little bit of hope for when they would see each other soon enough. 

Dean ate his dinner quickly that night in anticipation of his letter. He thought Cas’s letter might arrive the night before, but since it hadn’t, he knew it would be arriving that night. When he got back to his tent, nothing was waiting there for him. 

A bit confused, Dean looked around the room and on the empty bed across from his, but he couldn’t find anything. Dean began worrying a bit. The letters never arrived this late so far. Cas always replied as quickly as possible, as did he. 

‘Maybe the letters got mixed up in the mail.’

‘Maybe my letter didn’t even get sent to him.’

‘What if I put the wrong address on it?’

“What if I didn’t even put a stamp?”

Dean kept trying to figure out what had happened and ended up keeping himself up late into the night unable to sleep because of his anxiety.

 

The next day was rough. He didn’t get very much sleep to say the least, and now he was becoming overwhelmed by anxiety. 

“You ok Winchester,” Getz asked after lunch.

“Y-yea, I’m fine.”

“You look like something’s wrong, like something bad happened,” Alcaraz added.

“I’m fine guys, its ok,” Dean lied, trying to act coy. 

The rest of the day passed slowly. Every minute seemed to stretch out for days. And Dean found himself continually distracted from his duties and everything around. He couldn’t take his mind off it. He was worried. He felt like something was wrong. Logic told him everything was all right. That there had just been some kind of mix up, but he couldn’t push away the feeling in his gut. 

When they got back late that night, Dean was barely able to eat. His nerves were on fire and he couldn’t stop worrying about Cas. At this point, he had thought of every possible answer to what had happened. But in his mind, the worst had happened. Cas was hurt or dead. He couldn’t expel the feeling he had.

After picking at his dinner for a few minutes, Dean rushed back to his tent and frantically searched for a letter. In a frenzy, Dean ended up ripping the sheets off both of the beds in an attempt to find the letter he was sure would be there. Dean’s breathing increased as he searched everywhere in his small room. 

After trashing the place he sat down on his bed and tried to calm himself down. His brain was thinking faster than he could comprehend his own thoughts. Dean couldn’t focus on anything, everything was just racing throughout his mind. 

He didn’t know how long he ended up sitting there but eventually he fell asleep in his uniform, with the covers still on the floor. 

 

Dean woke up cold and feeling terrible. Groaning as he rolled out of the bed Dean stood up and sluggishly got ready for the day. 

Finally out in the field. He felt himself becoming more and more distracted as the day went by. Getz repeatedly tried to get his attention throughout the day to make sure he was ok, and to see if he was even paying attention to anything that was happening around him. 

Dean’s body felt numb. He knew something had happened. 

At lunch that day he was almost completely disconnected from everyone around him. As he ate he heard a few words people were saying every now and then but mostly he was just blank. 

“What did you just say,” Dean asked frantically.

“What?”

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“I said, I heard the Cabrillo base was attacked a few days ago. I heard it was pretty bad, I mean a lot of people died they were saying.”

Dean felt like all his blood had left his body. He was frozen in place as the words the other man was speaking turned into a low buzz in his ears. He felt like he had just been punched in the gut. ‘He’s dead,’ he thought, ‘He’s fucking dead.’

‘Hey are you ok,” Alcaraz asked.

Dean didn’t even hear him. He could feel his face getting wet, but couldn’t understand why. Everything around him was gone and he was completely alone. He felt like everything in his life had disappeared. 

“But it’s just a rumour,” the other man said, “It’s probably not true.”

“Y-yea…” Dean replied softly, trying to regain composure. 

He wiped his face off and slowly began eating his food as everyone else around him continued as normal. 

“Dean,” Alcaraz said, “I’m sure he’s fine, it’s going to be ok.”

“Who are you talking about,” Dean asked defensively.

“Your boyfriend, or whatever. We were told when you were assigned to us. What happened to you guys was wrong. But I’m sure he’s ok.”

“Yea, sure,” Dean said softly. 

He knew Alcaraz had no idea what had actually happened, just like everyone else around him. 

Dean was barely able to continue through the day. He kept blanking out and not paying attention to anything his partners said to him. And he even tripped a few times because he couldn’t be bothered to pay attention. 

When he got back that night. He didn’t eat. He sat in his room for a few hours before deciding to go out and walk around for a bit and try to calm his nerves. 

As he was walking, every scenario played in his head over and over again. He kept wondering if what the other guys had said was true, if Cabrillo really had been attacked, if Cas was hurt, dead. 

 

Eventually Dean noticed the General across the way, and decided to go talk to him. 

“Winchester, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“What the hell happened,” Dean asked.

When the General didn’t reply Dean continued, “Cabrillo. What happened?”

“Dean, I’m not supposed t-“

“I don’t fucking care about what you’re supposed to do. Tell me what happened. You owe me this,” Dean felt his voice shaking as he felt himself losing control. He was worried, scared, mad, helpless, alone. 

“Four days ago, at 0437, Cabrillo was attacked. Thirty seven are dead. Eighty nine are injured, and twenty three are uninjured.”

Dean began breathing faster and faster as the General spoke. He felt his legs going numb and his heart breaking over and over again. 

“Cas- what happened?”

“I can’t tell you tha-“

“What happened?”

“Novak was taken back in critical condition. They do not know if he will survive.”

Dean didn’t say anything. He felt like everything in his body had just turned into led. His brain was on fire and his chest was filled with pain. 

“Dean, they don’t think he is going to make it.”

Dean looked at the General before his eyes filled with tears. He felt the world around him spinning. His legs finally gave out as his body began shutting down and succumbing to shock. 

On his hands and knees. Dean felt his stomach fill with nausea before the threw up, coughing up everything inside of him. As he hyperventilated trying to regain his breath, Dean said, “You. This is your fault.”

Lifting his head Dean continued, “You killed him. It’s your fucking fault he’s gonna die. It’s your fault.”

“Winchester, I-“

“Don’t fucking talk to me, It’s your fault, your fault.”

Dean felt his muscled tense up as he felt all the warmth in his body leave him. He began crying out in pain as his head began pounding. 

“We need help over here-“ Dean heard someone say.

“’S your fault-“ Dean said, before once again passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I keep making everything so sad. I promise it will get much happier in the next few chapters. I'm really happy with everything I've been writing lately so you can probably expect two chapters per week! 
> 
> Leave a review so I can see what you think! :)


	13. Almost Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam prepare for Dean coming home.

Dean woke up the next afternoon confused and disoriented. 

“Cas,” He said, looking around the room.

One of the medics made their way over to Dean to see if he was ok.

“Winchester, how are you feeling?”

“Where’s Cas?”

“I’m not sure to whom you are referring, but he isn’t here.”

The medic scribbled down something onto the notes on his clipboard before walking away.

‘What the hell happened,’ Dean thought, trying to understand what was going on.

He thought back trying to remember anything. ‘We kissed,’ he thought, ‘We had sex, and then-‘

His heart sank as it all came back to him flooding in. He remembered Cas having to leave, he remembered being so alone. Dean sat there as his body once again was filled with pain, and then he remembered what happened to Cabrillo. 

He felt his body clench up at the thought of what might have happened to Cas. He knew that he was hurt, badly. But he had no idea if he would make it out alive or not. He was terrified. He couldn’t do anything to help Cas and that just made it all the worse. 

As Dean lay in his cot, he started thinking of what he could do once he got back, in order to get to Cas.

He only had six days left in his tour which for him seemed like eternity. He decided that once he got back, he would contact all the military hospitals trying to find Cas. He didn’t know much about Cas’s family. He knew a few of their names, so he figured he could try searching for them. 

Dean realized he would need to tell Sam what he was doing. There wouldn’t be much of a welcome back party if he needed to find Cas right away. Dean realized he could talk to Sam and ask him to start looking for where Cas was being treated. Dean wanted to get out of the medic station as soon as possible. The quicker he got out, the quicker he would be able to start looking for Cas.

The next morning he was discharged and was back doing work. The day once again went by slowly as Dean was worrying about Cas all day. It was difficult for Dean to stay focused and to do his job well. It felt like everything that mattered to him was at risk of disappearing completely. 

Immediately when Dean got back to camp that night he made his way over to make a skype call with Sam. 

 

“I’m really sorry this happened Dean,” Sam said after hearing what had happened to Cas.

“Thanks,” Dean said looking down, “So anything you can manage will be really helpful. If you can call all the military hospitals that take soldiers once they get back and ask for him. And maybe try to find his family.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, and I’m sorry man. It’s just- I need him Sammy.”

“I know. We’ll find him, I promise.”

“Thanks.”

“See you soon Dean”

“Yea,” Dean said finally smiling, “See you soon.”

 

Two day later Dean was still struggling to get by. He knew he had to finish he tour, but he felt completely spaced out all the time. Dean knew he wasn’t doing a very good job, and that he was now a liability. He was just thankful his partners were understanding, and cut him some slack.

He only had four days left, but it felt like eternity. Not only was he now alone. The one thing he was looking forward to, seeing Cas when they both got back, might not even be possible. The fear of knowing that Cas might be dead was almost too much for Dean to handle. He was constantly in pain, and his mind was always playing over and over again Cas dying, and Dean not being able to help at all.

When Dean got back that night, Sam had some information for him. 

“So I was able to contact his family. I got a hold of his sister, I think Anna or something.”

“That’s her,” Dean said.

“Anyway, she says Cas talked about you a few times, but I don’t think she knew how close you guys really are. Anyway, she says he’s at Victoria Memorial Hospital outside Boston.”

“Thank you so much Sam. Did she say how he was doing?”

“She says he’s in a coma, and they don’t know when he will wake up, but he’s stable. He broke a few ribs, has multiple burns, and received a large concussion. They just don’t know. Apparently one of his ribs punctured his lung, but they were able to fix that. I’m really sorry Dean.”

Dean took a moment to let it all sink in before replying. He had known Cas was hurt, and he was grateful he was alive. But it felt once again like all feeling had left his body.

“That’s ok, and thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted two chapters in one day! They were both so short so I felt like you deserved two.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter, I'm really excited to post the next few!


	14. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter Dean got some good news that Sam found where Cas was staying.
> 
> Dean finally makes it to hospital where Cas is staying after he ends his tour. He realizes seeing him is still not all that easy.

Four days later early in the morning, Dean was on his way to where they first landed. He was going home.

Dean was nervous. He had been waiting to go back for what seemed like forever, and it was finally here. 

Dean wasn’t able to sleep on the ride back. He was too worried. He wondered if maybe Cas would die before he made it back. Or maybe Cas wouldn’t remember him. Dean hoped everything that he had been thinking was untrue, but he still couldn’t help but worry. 

When the plane landed, he rushed to get off. As he made his way past the crowds of people welcoming home their sons and daughters, he spotted Sam. They made their way to each other before hugging. 

“I missed you Dean.”

“I missed you too Sammy,” Dean said smiling. 

“So when’s my next flight?”

“Twenty minutes. Our flight will only take about two and a half hours ok?”

“That’s good. Thank you so much Sam. You are seriously the best brother.”

“Don’t go all soft on me Jerk.”

“Whatever Bitch,” Dean answered as the two made their way over to the next terminal.

They didn’t talk too much on the plane ride or on their ride to the hospital. Sam dropped Dean off and went to check into a hotel nearby.

Dean walked in and found the front Desk. 

“Can I help you sir,” The woman behind the desk asked.

“I’m looking for Castiel Novak.”

“Ok, one minute sir.”

The woman looked through the database as Dean waited impatiently.

“Make your way down that hall,” She said, gesturing to the right, “Make a left and take the elevator to the third floor. Once there, talk to the receptionists behind the desk.

 

Dean ran all the way there. When he made it to the receptionist desk he said, “Novak, Castiel.”

The woman found the room he was in right away but asked, “Are you his family?”

“No, I’m his-“

“I’m sorry sir. But if you are not legally his family, I can’t let you see him.”

“But I’m his partner, we served together; I’m his boyfriend.”

“Are you two legally married?”

“No.”

“Then I’m sorry. You’re going to have to wait until he’s moved.”

“For all I know, he could die in a few minutes,” Dean yelled.

She looked like she was becoming irritated, “I said no.”

“Listen, we served together. And now he’s my boyfriend. I love him. Someone found out, and we were separated while on tour, and then his base got attacked. I need to see him, now.”

“Sir, you’re causing a scene,” She said standing up, “I don’t care about your love story. Sit down and wait. Or leave.”

Dean turned around furious and made his way over to the seating area. 

He didn’t know where Cas’s family was or when they would come back. But he knew he couldn’t leave. It felt horrible to be so close to Cas and yet so far. 

After about thirty minutes a nurse came over to him. 

“Are you looking for Castiel Novak?”

“Yea,” Dean mumbled.

“I’ll take you to him.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but we have to hurry. She went to get coffee, and will be back soon. I heard what you said to her, no one should have to go through that.”

“Thank you, thank you.”

They made their way thought the halls before stopping before room 327.

“He just woke up this morning. His family went out to get dinner, I’ll leave you two alone.”

Dean thanked her before she turned and walked away.

Feeling his heart race, Dean drabbed the handle and turned it pushing the door in. 

“Cas,” He said quietly.

He heard someone grunt in response. The curtain was drawn closed around the bed, and Dean made his way over, after closing the door.

“Cas,” Dean said pulling the curtain open. He saw Cas laying there with a cannula in his nose, and tubes everywhere. Cas looked at him and began to smile.

“D-en…,” Cas whispered.

Dean made his way to Cas’s side as his eyes began filling with tears. He lightly grabbed one of Cas’s hands and slowly rubbed his thumb across Cas’s skin. 

“Cas-“ Dean said, “I- I missed you, so much.”

Dean felt tears sliding down his face as he saw Cas’s eyes begin to grow wet. 

“I thought I lost you. I thought you died.”

“I’m f-fine, Dean,” Cas answered, softly squeezing Dean’s hand back in reassurance.

“I was so scared Cas. I was so scared, and alone. They took you from me and this happened.”

“It’s ok Dean. You’re here now.”

“I’m so sorry I let them take you away, I should have fought them, or gone myself-“

“Dean, it’s fine, really. We’re together now. That’s all that matters.”

Dean sat there for a moment trying to relax. He had been so worried for so long, and now he could finally start to relax.

“I love you Cas,” Dean said softly. After a second he looked at Cas and saw him smiling. It was then that he realized that he had never actually told Cas that.

“I love you so much Cas. I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long. You make me so happy, and it hurt so much to see you go, I never want that to happen again.”

 

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand before saying, “I love you too Dean.”

Dean smiled bringing his other hand to Cas’s cheek wiping away one of his tears before he leaned over and kissed Cas softly. The kiss was tender, and after a few seconds, Cas’s lips were asking for more. Dean cupped his chin and brought him in closer as their kiss deepened. Soon, Dean felt Cas’s tongue on his. He felt a tear once again run down his face. He was finally happy again. He felt Cas’s love wrap around him, and he never wanted to let go.

They stayed kissing like that for a while before they heard, “Well that’s interesting.”

Immediately Dean jerked up letting go of Cas and turned to face to door. At the door was Cas’s sister Anna, his two parents and his brother, Dean wasn’t sure which one. 

“Um, hello,” Cas’s mother said reluctantly. 

“H-hi,” Dean stuttered, “Um, I’m Dean, Winchester.” Dean looked round at their faced awkwardly, “Cas and I served together before, before--- we’re um, we’re-“

“He’s my boyfriend,” Cas said cutting him off. Dean felt Cas’s fingers trying to grab his. Lacing his fingers between Cas’s he looked up and smiled. 

“Cas told us about you,” Cas’s father said as they all made their way into the room closing the door. “He said you saved him once. The first time he was- injured.”

His mother continued, “He told us a few months ago that you were very special to him. We’re glad you’re here.”

Dean felt Cas squeeze his hand and Dean squeezed back. 

“This is Anna, and this is Michael.”

“Hey,” Dean said as he pulled over the chair next to him, sitting down. 

“When did you get here,” Mrs. Novak asked. 

“Less than five minutes ago. When I made it back to Virginia, I got on a plane with my brother and we flew straight here.”

“You must be exhausted.”

Dean thought for a moment, “I probably am. I’ve just been too nervous to notice anything.”

“Have you eaten?”

“No, but I’m fine.”

“Nonsense. Anna, would you please get Dean something to eat from the cafeteria?”

“Sure,” she said before getting up and leaving the room.

“Thank you,” Dean said.

 

After Anna returned with the food. 

Cas’s family said it was getting late, and if Dean planned on staying with Cas all night, they would make their way back to their hotel. 

After saying their goodbyes Dean closed the door and made his way back to Cas’s side. He kissed Cas softly before Cas began slowly scooting over.

“I want you to be next to me.”

Dean smiled before getting into the bed with Cas. He rolled onto his side facing Cas. With one hand he began letting his fingers slide through Cas’s hair. Cas closed his eyes smiling and humming softly in response as Dean continued softly playing with his hair. After a few minutes Dean realized how tired he was. Kissing Cas softly on the cheek he pulled the cover’s over them. He knew that he probably wasn’t supposed to sleep in the hospital bed with Cas. But Cas wanted him to, so he would. 

Dean smiled as he fell asleep. He was finally happy again, he finally had Cas again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! The next few ones were really fun to write!


	15. My Place or Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas continues recovering in the hospital. He will be getting out soon and Cas and Dean need to figure out where to go from here.

Then next few days passed uneventfully. Cas was doing a lot better, but still needed to be monitored. The doctors said that he would probably be able to go home in about a week if he kept up his progress. 

Dean watched every day as the burns on Cas’s legs were tended to, being changed and cleaned. Cas was on a lot of antibiotics for his lungs to make sure they didn’t become infected after the surgery. He already had gone in tor a CT scan and MRI to make sure the swelling in his brain was staying down. 

So far, it seemed that Cas was healing properly and was doing pretty well under the circumstances. They all knew this could change at any time but they had faith that Cas would be ok. 

Over time, Dean got to know Cas’s family a lot better. He found out they were very religious and that along with his siblings, Cas had attended Catholic school his entire life. He also discovered that the Novak’s had quite a bit of money. It’s not like they came out and said that straightforward. But Dean could tell. Cas’s parents told him stories of Cas growing up and all the trips went on. That combined with his private education gave Dean enough of a hint. 

Dean enjoyed spending time with Cas’s family because it felt like he was getting to know Cas a lot better. He enjoyed being with Cas a lot more, after being away for so long, but he was thankful for Cas’s family being there, helping Cas recover. 

Sam decided to go home after a few days staying there making sure Dean and Cas were ok. Sam finally got to meet Cas on the third day, before he left. Dean was happy Cas and Sam got along. Sam told him he thought Cas was great, perfect for Dean. 

 

“How are you feeling today,” Dean asked after he saw Cas wake up.

“Tired,” Cas answered sitting up slowly, “But overall pretty good. I can’t wait to go home.”

“Me too,” Dean said. After a moment he realized he wasn’t exactly where home was for him, for them. 

“Hey Cas,” Dean said, sitting down and taking Cas’s hand in his. Dean was nervous, but he knew this was something important they needed to discuss.

“Where are we, I mean, where are you going to live after this? After you get discharged from the hospital.”

“I’m not too sure, I might stay with my family for a while. I know they miss me a lot and I’m still not sure how long I’m going to need physical therapy and all.”

Dean felt his stomach tighten. He wasn’t sure what Cas was going to say, but now that he was hearing it, he didn’t like it. 

“My parents also own a lot of property, and when I graduated from the Academy they have me an apartment in Boston. It’s pretty big, and I like it there so I might go there too. I guess I really should think about this more.”

“Oh, y-ea, I guess.”

The two of them just sat there hand in hand for a few minutes. Dean felt like his heart was broken. Not once had Cas mentioned Dean being with him. Dean knew they never discussed this, but he had hoped they would stay together. 

Cas held Dean’s hand quietly engrossed in his own thoughts of where he would live. After a bit, he noticed the silence and looked over at Dean. He could tell something was wrong, Dean looked upset. 

“Hey,” Cas said, rubbing his thumb over Dean’s hand, “What’s wrong?”

Dean looked away saying, “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Dean, I know you’re not. Please just tell me.”

“I said I’m fine,” Dean answered his voice rising. 

“Look at me,” Cas demanded, and Dean followed suit. “I can tell something is bothering you Dean. I’ve been around you long enough to know that look. I love you, ok; I just want to help.”

Dean huffed in response. He was getting pretty irritated. If Cas didn’t want him in his life anymore, then he should just tell him that.

“Ok, fine,” Dean said, standing up, “But you asked for it. - What the hell man! I thought you liked me, I thought we were going to be together, for a while; I don’t know, forever even. And then you tell me you’re just going to go back to your family, or move to Boston. And I get it, maybe you need to move on or something after all that’s happened but I’m not ready for that. I thought you wanted to be with me.”

Cas stared at Dean, he didn’t understand exactly what Dean was saying, and he didn’t know what to say. 

“What do you mean?”

“Us,” Dean said, gesturing between them, “When I asked you where you were going to live after this you never once mentioned me. What, do you just want me to move back to Kansas? You think that’s gonna work well for us?”

“Dean,” Cas said calmly reaching for Dean’s hand, taking it in his. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention you. But when I said that I thought you understood I meant the two of us. Whenever someone asks me a question now, I don’t think of ‘me’, I think of ‘we’. It didn’t even occur to me but I’m so sorry. Of course I want you to come with me, I love you.”

“Are you serious,” Dean asked in disbelief. “Are you sure you want to live with me, you want to take that step?”

“Dean, I’m ready to take every step with you. I love you, and I trust you. And on top of that, we already lived together for almost three months so I don’t think I can fall asleep without hearing you snore anymore.”

Dean laughed as he squeezed Cas’s hand.

“Come here,” Cas said, reaching for Dean’s head.

Dean leaned in allowing his lips to be covered by Cas’s. He felt Cas’s tongue slide into his mouth and smiled, knowing that they would be together from now on. Dean pushed Cas back down onto the bed, climbing up and onto Cas. Dean leaned over and began kissing Cas more passionately. After a bit, he moved his kissed along Cas’s jaw and onto his neck sucking there. He teasingly bit Cas’s neck causing him to moan softly. Dean licked his neck playfully over each spot he bit. 

Dean felt his desire rising as he began kissing and nibbling on Cas’s ear. He felt Cas squirming underneath him as he started grinding his hips onto Cas’s. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Dean whispered.

“M-me too,” Cas mumbled.

“I’ve missed everything about you. Your voice, your smile, your hair. Your body.”

As Dean spoke, he ground his hips into Cas’s. He could feel Cas’s arousal growing. 

“We c-cant,” Cas protested, “Not h-here.”

Dean ground his hips down once more causing Cas to cry out softly before he sat up.

“Fine, but the day you get discharged, your mine.”

“Fuck,” Cas said looking up at Dean, “I can’t wait.”

Dean leaned over and kissed Cas again before getting of him and the bed. He sat down in the chair next to Cas and turned on the T.V. so they could settle and distract themselves form their bodies’ desires. 

Dean flicked through the channels for a while and ended up stopping on some food show. They both had been watching those a lot lately, probably because the hospital food sucked so much, it almost felt like they were finally eating good food. It had been over six months since either of them have had a home cooked mean. Between the hospital, their tour, and training, they were dying for any bit of real food they could get.

After about five minutes, Cas’s parents walked in. Dean shut off the T.V. allowing them to start talking.

“You’re up early today,” Cas’s mom said, making her way over to Cas’s bed, kissing him softly on the forehead before joining her husband on the other side of the room. 

“I think I’m still stuck in the schedule we had on tour.”

“Yea, it’s gonna be awhile to get out of that one. Waking up at 5:30 in the morning isn’t too fun,” Dean added.

“Both of you need to get some rest. You have been working so hard for months. And between the two of you, your stress levels must be through the roof.”

“We’re managing,” Cas said smiling and looking over at Dean.

“Well I’m glad,” Cas’s father said. “Anyway, we were wondering, Castiel where do you plan on going after next week. It’s your choice, but I think it might be a good idea for you to come home a bit. You know, get things settled and all.”

“Yea, I agree,” Cas said, “But only if Dean can stay too.”

Once again Dean felt very nervous.

“I don’t want to be a burden or something, I mean, its ok if you don’t want me-“

“We discussed this, and I want Dean to be with me,” Cas interjected.

Dean looked over at Cas and smiled, thankful he shut him up.

“Of course that’s fine. Dean, you’re always welcome,” Mrs. Novak said.

“Thank you.”

After a few moments Cas’s dad added, “Now will you be sleeping in the guest room or-“

“He’s with me Dad, it’s fine.”

“Ok,” Cas’s dad said, “Just wondering if we needed to have one of the girls get the room ready.”

 

Cas’s parents left after a couple of hours leaving Cas and Dean to themselves.

“Well that was awkward,” Dean said. 

“Hey, at least we stopped what we were doing before, now that would have been awkward,”

“Good point.”

“And don’t worry about my parents, they don’t care. They’re surprising liberal.”

“Yea, I was wondering about that, them being so Catholic and all.”

“It’s not entirely common, but it’s getting there. The younger generations are definitely changing things.”

“I’m glad,” Dean said, “I like your parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter!
> 
> I'm sorry I missed a week, but it's the only time I've done that. Also, you get two chapters this time!


	16. Ebb and Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finally gets released from the hospital. The two of them make it to Castiel's family's house and are eager to finally have some time in semi-privacy. After dinner, the two of them begin exploring each other once again, but realize they may need to take it slower than they anticipated.

The rest of the week went by pretty quickly. And soon enough, Cas was getting discharged from the hospital. His parents had gone back two days before to make sure the house was ready so it was just Cas and Dean. 

“You know, if we were just moving into your apartment in Boston, we’d only have to drive half an hour.”

“Oh shut up Dean,” Cas laughed, “Connecticut isn’t too far anyway.”

“I know, I’m just messing with you. But on our way to the airport, you think we could stop by?”

“Sure, why not.”

Cas checked out and they caught a cab. Cas would have to go through a few weeks of physical therapy and he would have to have bimonthly check-ups, but other than that, he was good. His ribs were still broken, but they should be healed in a month in a half. He was advised no not partake in any strenuous activity such as heavy lifting and heavy aerobic exercise. 

Cas asked the cab driver if they could stop by his apartment once they got into Boston. He gave the man the address and soon enough, they were there. Cas and Dean got out of the cab for a bit to look at the property. 

“It’s a great location really,” Cas said.

“Your parents are so fucking rich Cas,” Dean said, “I can’t believe they gave this to you!”

“They’re not that rich. And it was a graduation gift. I did graduate top 10 from the United States Military Academy.”

“True. You are a genius.”

Dean took Cas’s hand in his, “Hey, I know you’re really smart and all, so why were you in combat.”

“Well, everyone has to start somewhere. Even if you want to be a strategist in the military, you have to serve in combat at least once. You need experience.”

“I see. Well I’m glad you served with me.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean softly, “We’re going to like it here,” He whispered, “And trust me, when we move in, were going to christen the hell out of that place.”

Dean blushed before he kissed Cas again and they got back into the car and were on their way to the airport. 

 

The flight was pretty short and soon enough they were back in Cas’s neighbourhood getting their bags out of the cab.

“Castiel,” Someone called as they ran out of the house.

It was Cas’s sister Rachel, “I haven’t seen you in forever! I miss you so much,” She said.

“Not too hard,” Cas said as she hugged him.

“Oh yea, ribs, sorry.”

The family grabbed their bags and they made it into the house. 

Dean was very impressed by the house. Not only was it huge, it was beautiful. 

“Your house is really- nice.”

“Why thank you Dean,” Cas’s mom said, “I take some pride in the interior decorating, it’s a bit of a hobby of mine.”

“Hey mom, still the same room right, you didn’t change it into another rec room or anything right?”

“”You haven’t been gone that long Castiel,” his mom laughed, “It’s the same room. Why don’t you two get settled and we’ll set the table.”

 

Cas and Dean headed up the large staircase to Cas’s room. They passed a rather large T.V. room, a bathroom and a few bedrooms before they stopped. Cas opened the door and led them in.

“It’s just like the rest of your house, huge,” Dean said, admiring the room.

“Thanks. I like it, you know. I’ve missed it too. I’ve been living in it all my life, apart from college and the last few months.”

Dean set his things down and slowly walked around the room. He took notice of almost everything in the room. He saw Cas’s computer, he wasn’t sure what kind it was so he asked.

“It’s an Alienware. Gaming laptop, I kind of like video games- a lot.”

“Sweet, you’re gonna have to show me some, I’m only used to consul games.”

Dean kept exploring Cas room he looked at various posters on the wall. He saw a few of some games, “Dragon Age,” World of Warcraft,” something called a “Rooster Teeth”, he knew he would be able to ask Cas about it eventually. 

He made it over to Cas’s dressed and curiosity got the better of him. He began shuffling through Cas’s clothes looking at all the cool shirts he had with various things on them.

“I’m a bit nerdier than I let on,” Cas said as he saw Dean looking through his shirts. He made his way over to Dean and began looking through them as well.

Dean grabbed a shirt and took it out, “You played ‘Banjo Kazooie’?”

“I played both of them,” Cas said grabbing the shirt looking at it.

“Put it on,” Dean asked suggestively. “Better yet. Take everything off, and put it on, just that. We need to change anyway.”

Cas looked a little weary so Dean slid a hand through Cas’s hair and kissed him before saying, “Please?”

“Fine,” Cas said, undoing the button on his pants, “But you owe me.”

Dean sat down on Cas’s bed as he watched Cas undress. Cas had a large bed, and it was comfy too. Dean was looking forward to sleeping on a real bed for once. 

After a few minutes Cas stood before Dean wearing nothing but his t-shirt.

“You like it,” Cas asked.

“Very much so. Come here.”

Cas made his way over to Dean and sat on his lap. Dean kissed him slowly as he placed his hands on Cas’s hips. After a few moments the kiss became deeper. Dean began rubbing his hands up and down Cas’s sides and onto his back. He felt Cas slowly rolling his hips onto his crotch causing him to become hard. Sliding his hands down, Dean let his hands find their way to Cas’s butt and he gripped hard. 

Cas moaned at the touch and he rolled his hips once again. Dean broke their kiss for a moment as he led his hand to Cas’s now apparent erection and began rubbing. Cas let out a gasp before moaning, “W-we can’t do this h-here.”

“Just be quiet, we’ll be fine. I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Dean said. He let go of Cas’s section and unzipped his pants pushing them and his boxers down exposing his hard dick. 

Grabbing both of their erections together Dean began stroking. Cas let out small cries as he bucked his hips forward.

“I’ve wanted to touch your body for so long,” Dean whispered before sucking on Cas’s neck causing him to whimper. He began moving his hands faster as he felt his body fill with more and more heat. 

“Since the first time I kissed you. Hell, I wanted you before that. And when we fucked, God Cas, you were amazing.”

Cas just gasped in response as be bent over Dean’s shoulder biting down in an attempt to stifle his moans. As Dean rubbed, Cas could feel himself getting closer and closer. The pleasure was building in his body and he knew he was coming undone. 

Dean’s hand began moving more and more sporadically as he became closer. He tried to move his hands faster as he felt his orgasm beginning to rise. After a moment he pushed his forehead into Cas’s chest and softly groaned trying to keep himself quiet. He felt his orgasm rolling through him as he felt his hot semen hit his hand. He kept stroking and soon he felt Cas’s dick tense up and he felt more semen hitting his hand. He felt Cas biting down on his shoulder as he moaned softly.

The two sat there for a few moments before Cas lifted his head again. 

“That was amazing,” Cas said, wrapping his hands around Dean’s back.

“I love you Cas,” Dean said bringing his hand up to Cas’s chin pulling him in for a kiss.

“You’re getting cum on my face,” Cas said after they broke away. 

Dean laughed as he removed his hand kissing the spot where his hand had just been.

“Thank you,” Cas laughed kissing Dean once again after a few minutes Cas pulled back saying, “I love you too. But I think we need to change.”

Dean looked down between them as they both leaned back to get a better look. “Yea…” Dean said, “Maybe it won’t be the best I dean if I come to dinner wearing a cum stained shirt, and you come down wearing the same, minus pants.”

Cas laughed as he got off Dean’s lap and pulled off his shirt throwing it in the hamper. 

Suddenly they heard a knock on the door. 

“Dinner’s ready,” Someone called.

“We’ll be down in a bit,” Cas replied. 

They heard the person walk away as they began dressing. Dean threw his clothes in the hamper with Cas’s and made his way to his bag. 

“Hey Cas,” he called, “The only other shirt I have I wore all last week and those were my only pants...”

“Shit,” Cas said. “Are you sure we got cum on the pants?”

“Yup.”

“Ok, well, you can have one of my shirts,” He said tossing a shirt to Dean,” And I’ll find a pair of soccer shorts you can wear. They’re both going to be a bit tight, but I don’t mind,” he said smiling, “Just make sure you don’t get a boner at dinner ok?”

“I’ll try my best,” Dean said laughing.

After they got changed Cas made his way over to Dean and kissed him softly.

“Common, we don’t want to make them get suspicious.”

 

The two made their way downstairs and into the dining room.

“Hey mom,” Cas Called.

“Yes honey.”

“All of Dean’s clothes are dirty, so we’re sorry he’s not dressed nicer, I had to lend him some of my stuff.”

“Oh that’s fine, he looks great,” She said smiling as she looked over at Dean.

Dean took his place next to Dean as the dinner began. Everything on the table looked great. And he soon realized how hungry he was. As food was passed around everyone made light conversation.

They had grace and the meal began.

The food was amazing. Dean didn’t know if he had ever tasted something so good. They were served roast chicken with garlic mashed potatoes. On the side was corn on the cob, string beans, and glazed carrots. 

“This is amazing Mrs. Novak,” Dean said.

“Well thank you, I know its been awhile since you two have had any real food.”

“Hey Dean, Dad told us you saved Cas once,” Rachel asked.

“I didn’t save him exactly. I just found him and called for help.”

“Well he could have died right? If you hadn’t found him.”

“I could have,” Cas said grabbing Dean’s hand in his. 

Dean smiled at Cas. He liked being able to hold Cas’s hand in front of people. He liked that they could finally relax and just be themselves. 

“So are you two sleeping together or something,” Rachel continued.

“Rachel,” Mr. Novak yelled.

“What, I was just asking.”

Everyone quieted for a moment and Dean looked around. Everyone at the table was looking at him and Cas as if waiting for an answer anyway.

“He’s my boyfriend,” Cas said, “Anything beyond that is none of your business.”

“I knew it,” Rachel exclaimed, “I told you they were doing it,” she said turning to Anna, “You owe me five bucks.”

“No I don’t! They never said they actually were.”

“Girls!” Mr. Novak slammed a fist onto the table causing everyone to jump. This is not an appropriate conversation for not only the dinner table but for anywhere. What Castiel and Dean do is no one’s business but their own. Now if you two ever bring up something like this again, you will be in a whole lot of trouble.”

 

The rest of dinner was held in silence. Dean and Cas both took second helpings. The potatoes were amazing, so much better than the dried flake kind they had at camp. Dean was very thankful for the food, not so much for the conversation, but the food made it worth it. 

After dinner, both of the girls had been sent to their rooms. Dean and Cas made their way to the living room and started a movie. Dean had offered to help Mrs. Novak with the dishes but she told him to just relax.

Cas and Dean ended up sitting on the couch and finished the movie. By the time it was over everyone else had gone to bed.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said, “You know, I’ve never really got to hold you like this before.”

“It’s nice,” Cas replied as he nuzzled closer into Dean’s chest.

Dean leaned over and kissed Cas, “It is nice.”

Cas responded by turning and lacing his hands behind Dean’s neck, pulling him in and kissing him deeply. Dean kissed him back with equal fervour and after a few minutes the two broke apart.

“Maybe we should go upstairs,” Cas breathed as he stood up.

Dean nodded in agreement and they made their way upstairs. Cas opened the door and they walked in. He quickly closed it and immediately was all over Dean.

Dean was a bit surprised by Cas’s enthusiasm but he welcomed it with open arms. Cas kissed Dean passionately and began running his fingers underneath Dean’s shirt. Dean placed one hand on Cas’s hip and the other on his ass and squeezed as Cas began kissing his neck. 

Pushing Dean onto the bed Cas began tugging Dean’s shorts down. Dean responded by lifting his hips, allowing Cas to remove them as he began pulling up Cas’s shirt. Soon enough, they both ended up removing each other’s clothes. 

“I haven’t seen you like this in so long Dean,” Cas said as he began kissing Dean’s chest, making his way over to his nipple. 

“I k-now,” Dean moaned, “I’ve wanted you to f-fuck me again for so lo-ng.”

Cas licked Dean’s nipple and began playing with the other one. Dean was gasping softly below him, allowing the sensations to overtake him. He felt his body responding and his cock twitch as Cas licked his nipple teasingly.

“Dean,” Cas said taking his lips away from Dean’s nipple, “I need you to fuck me.”

“What,” Dean asked. He was confused by Cas’s request. Confused and scared. He’d only had sex with a guy once and he most certainly had never fucked one. 

“Why, you know I’ve never-“

“My ribs,” Cas said sitting up on Dean’s lap.

“Shit you’re right,” Dean sat up and laced his fingers through Cas’s hair, “Are you sure you want me to, I mean, I’m not exactly sure what to do and-“

“Yes, I’m sure. Only if you want to too.”

“Fuck yes,” Dean breathed taking Cas’s mouth with his. 

After a few moments Cas and Dean switched positions leaving Dean on top. Dean kissed Cas, making his way down his chest. He stopped right at his hips.

“You need to prepare me,” Cas said looking at Dean.

“Yea, ok,” Dean said, “Do you have any lube or anything?”

“That drawer right there,” Cas said, pointing across the room.

Dean got up and made his way to the cabinet. He retrieved the lube and made his way back to Cas. Generously coting his fingers with lube, Dean closed the bottle, put it on the bedside table and brought his finger to Cas’s hole. 

“I’m gonna put it-”

“Just do it,” Cas begged.

Dean slowly pushed one finger, keeping his eyes on Cas the whole time to make sure he was ok. Once his finger was in all the way he moved his finger in and out trying to emulate what Cas had done to him the last time. 

“Another,” Cas asked as Dean started pushing in faster and faster.

Dean slowly put the second finger in, hearing Cas gasp as he did.

“You ok?”

“Yea, I’m fine. Just keep going.”

Dean began moving the two fingers in and out as Cas got used to his presence. Dean began moving his fingers in harder as Cas began to let out small gasps. After a few minutes Cas interrupted saying, “I’m ready.”

Dean pulled his fingers out and added a liberal amount of lube to his cock. He slowly pushed in as he heard Cas gasp. Dean suddenly stopped, making sure Cas was ok. 

“Keep going,” Cas said.

He continued moving slowly. Dean tried to get a rythem. Everything wa so overwhelmiong. He could feel his body filling with pleasure and he felt his erection getting harder and harder. 

Dean kept pushing until he was in as far as he could go. He slowly pulled out before slowly pushing in again. After a few more times of doing this he began pushing in harder and faster, just like Cas had done to him. Soon he felt pleasure building up in his body as be became closer, causing him to move in faster. 

This was all new to Dean and while he was a bit lost, he was loving it. He loved feeling himself inside of Cas. He loved feeling Cas’s warm body around him, and he loved hearing Cas become undone because of him. 

“Fuck! Stop. Stop, STOP,” Cas cried.

Dean immediately stopped even though he was close to coming.

“Shit are you ok, did I do something wrong,” Dean asked frantically.

Cas was breathing hard and Dean was worried he had done something wrong. He could see Cas was in pain and he felt terrible. He didn’t want to hurt Cas.

“My ribs. Fuck,” Cas said, bringing a hand to his ribs, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just don’t think I’m ready. I’m sorry Dean.”

“What? No please don’t be sorry. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have been going so fast. I screwed up.”

“No you didn’t,” Cas said taking Dean’s hand in his, “It was amazing. I’m just still injured we shouldn’t have tried something so soon.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean said kissing Cas’s hand.

Dean finally pulled out and looked up at Cas. 

“Would it be ok if- if...,” Dean wasn’t sure exactly how to ask. He was embarrassed and he didn’t even know why. 

“You want to suck my dick, don’t you,” Cas asked smiling.

“Yes.”

“Go ahead,” Cas said smiling, “I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it.

Dean began kissing Cas’s chest, slowly making his way down. He stopped at Cas’s hips before taking Cas’s dick in his mouth.

Dean didn’t really know what he was doing, but he was sure he would be able to figure it out. He slowly began sucking as he heard Cas letting out small gasps. Soon, Dean began moving his tongue against the underside of Cas’s length. He could tell he was doing something right by the sounds Cas was making. 

Dean brought a hand up and placed it at the base of Cas’s dick making up for what his mouth couldn’t take. Dean could feel Cas coming undone below him. As he flicked his tongue over Cas’s head Cas moaned out and thrust his hips up. Dean brought his other hand to his own erection, still there from earlier. 

Dean began moving his tongue down the sides of Cas’s penis and swirling it at the head of his cock. Cas grabbed his hair as his breath became heavier and heavier. Dean could feel himself coming closer and closer. He felt the pleasure building inside of him. 

“D-dean,” Cas moaned, “M-move, I-I’m gonna-“

Dean didn’t move he just took Cas in deeper making Cas gasp as if begging for more. Suddenly Cas felt Cas tense up and heard him cry out as he felt hot liquid fill his mouth. He didn’t really know what to do. It didn’t exactly taste terrible, but it didn’t taste good. He decided to pull his mouth off and he swallowed. 

Dean continued rubbing himself out as he watched the last few drops of cum drip from Cas’s cock. Suddenly Dean shot his head back as he felt his orgasm rise and he came over his chest and his hand. After he came down, he leaned over and kissed Cas. Grabbing a shirt off the ground, Dean cleaned them off and tossed it in the direction of the hamper. 

Dean laid down next to Cas as he pulled the blankets over them. He rest his head on Cas’s chest and draped his arm over his stomach. Dean was happy. He felt good. He was finally able to relax, finally able to be with Cas. 

“Thank you,” Cas said as he kissed Dean’s forehead.

“No problem.”

“I mean it. Thank you. You stopped when I asked you to. You know, most people wouldn’t have done that, they would have made me endure it. They would have hurt me. But you stopped, even when you were so close,” Cas rubbed his thumb across Deans shoulder as he held him.

“I love you Cas, I would do anything for you. And I would never try to hurt you.”

Cas leaned over and kissed Dean’s head once again, “I love you too.”

Cas leaned over and turned out the light. As he started falling asleep he noticed how happy he was. 

He had never felt this happy before. He was so thankful for Dean and felt so blessed to have him in his life. Dean would never do anything to hurt Cas, and felt so sorry when he thought he had. Dean was kind, loving, and caring. He didn’t push Cas, he didn’t ask him to change. Dean truly loved Cas, he respected him, and he was patient with him.

Cas knew he was deeply in love. He was happy and finally at peace. He knew his life was different now. It’s like he had found a part of him that he had always been looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! I have been waiting to post it for so long. 
> 
> It's really important I think to honor consent in any relationship. I've made sure to always have a clear "yes" from them whenever they enter into a sexual situation. And here I wanted it to be clear that even if you are in the midst of a sexual situation, you can always say "stop" or "no", you are never obligated to continue. 
> 
> I would really appreciate it if you review this chapter! Thank you!


	17. Alone at Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas finally move into their apartment. As the tow get settled, they realize how thankful they are to finally have time alone together.

Waking up, Dean felt Cas’s body pressed against his. He smiled as he leaned over kissing Cas’s temple. 

“Good morning,” Dean said as Cas’s eyes fluttered open.

“Morning,” Cas said before kissing Dean.

“How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good,” Cas said smiling, as he played with Dean’s hair, “My ribs feel sore, but no more than they have for the last few days. Oh yea, and my ass hurts a bit.”

“Sorry,” Dean said blushing, “I need to work on that.”

Cas laughed a bit before getting out of bed and making his way over to his dresser. Taking out some clothes he placed them on the dresser before walking into the attached bathroom. 

“So I think we’re going to have to do some laundry if you don’t want to wear the same thing for the next few weeks. That or go shopping.”

“Maybe we could get a few shirts. Or I could just borrow yours,” Dean said as he joined Cas in the bathroom. Nudging Cas Dean said, “I know you liked how your tight shirt looked on me last night. And besides I have enough clothes at home, we’ll just have to get Sam to send them to us.”

The two brushed their teeth before getting changed and making their way downstairs. Mrs. Novak had prepared pancakes and Dean didn’t think he had ever seen something more delicious in his life. 

After breakfast, they decided it would probably be a good idea to go out and pick up some stuff they would be needing now that they were back. 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to drive Castiel,” Mrs. Novak asked.

“I could drive if you want me to Cas,” Dean interjected.

“I’m fine guys, really,” He said as he laced his fingers with Deans leading him to the door, “We’re not even going to be driving too far anyway.”

 

As they drove, Cas pointed out a bunch of things to Dean. They passed they church he went to his whole life, as well as the adjoining school. They went past the park where Cas and his siblings used to play every weekend. Dean liked seeing all the things that had meant so much to Cas for so long. 

Soon enough they were at the mall and getting out of the car. 

“I don’t need a lot, ok? Just a few shirts.”

“It’s getting pretty cold Dean, you’re going to need a better jacket, especially if we plan on living in Boston throughout the winter.”

“Good point.”

Cas and Dean walked in hand in hand. They made their way over to the men’s department and ended up picking up a few shirts and a thick new jacket for Dean. After, they wandered around for a bit. Cas showed Dean a bunch of things he was going to need for the winter on the East Coast. Dean was pretty sure his shoes would be just fine, but Cas insisted he would need to buy a new pair of boots in a few weeks. 

“You know,” Cas said, turning towards Dean, “We’ve never been on a date.”

“Oh,” Dean said, taking a moment to think about it, “I guess you’re right.”

“We could get lunch or something?”

“Yea,” Dean said smiling,”That’d be nice.”

 

The two ended up at a diner. Cas said his family used to go there for brunch after church sometimes. They both ended up ordering hamburgers and fries, apparently one of Cas’s favourites. 

“This is really good,” Dean said after taking a bite.

“I told you it was,” Cas said smiling.”

After finishing their meals, the two decided to share a piece of apple pie. 

“I didn’t know you liked pie,” Cas said, taking a bite.

“That’s because they never gave us any while we were away.”

“True, I guess there’s a lot we don’t know about each other.”

“Yea, but there’s a lot we do know. Remember, we were together every minute of every day for a few of months, not all couples can say they’re that close. Heck, we even peed together every day, seriously, were close.”

Cas laughed realizing that Dean was right. Sure they weren’t a conventional couple, but they were close in their own way, and they made it work. 

“I guess you’re right. Our relationship has been pretty unconventional though, you have to admit.”

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand before saying, “It has, but it’s also been pretty amazing.”

 

Two weeks went by before they knew it. Things had settled down at the Novak’s and they didn’t receive any more awkward questions from any of Castiel’s siblings. Dean and Cas were getting ready to move to Boston and start their lives together. 

“Please be safe,” Mrs. Novak said, “You know the roads can be icy this time of year.”

“We will, I promise,” Cas said hugging his mom back. 

“You know I worry. Oh and remember to turn in your applications as soon as possible ok?”

“Yes mom, I know. We’ll be fine.”

Dean packed their last bag into Cas’s car as they said their goodbyes. They wouldn’t be too far away so they promised to come and visit every once and awhile. Cas started the car and pulled out to the driveway. Dean watched as the Novaks waived to them as they drove off.

“You know, this is the first time we’re really going to be alone together. I mean, for more than a few minutes. And we’ll finally have our own space. We won’t have to hide from anyone.”

Cas smiled as he looked over at Dean quickly, and grabbed his hand. 

“It’s going to be great. I’ll have to show you around the city. We used to go there a lot when I was younger.”

Dean squeezed his hand back as he thought about what Cas was like when he was younger. He wondered what his life was like. ‘It must have been a lot different than what it was like for me,’ Dean thought. 

 

After talking for a bit, Dean turned on the radio and they listened as they drove through the forested freeways. Sooner than they expected, they had arrived in the city. Dean felt like he was seeing it for the first time even though he had been there just a few weeks before. He hadn’t been paying much attention to it the first time and this time he was in awe. 

The city was large and full of old buildings of architectural superiority. Cas pointed out some notable buildings as they drove through the city. He told Dean they would visit them all and Dean was excited to explore with Cas. 

“We’re here,” Cas said as he parked the car on the side of the road. 

The two stepped out of the car and made their way to the trunk to get their luggage. Making their way up the elevator, Cas unlocked the door and Dean stepped in for the first time. 

“Wow,” He said, placing his bag on the ground, “It’s huge.”

“Yea, I guess it is,” Cas said locking the door behind them, “Here, I’ll show you to the bedroom.”

Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and led him over. Like the rest of the house, the room was rather large. It had a queen sized bed with a good view of the city. 

“I like it,” Dean said before he took Cas’s jaw in his hand pulling him in for a kiss.

Cas responded warmly wrapping his hands around Dean’s neck, pulling him in closely. Cas moaned softly as their kiss deepened.

After a few minutes Dean pulled back saying, “We’re finally alone. We can do whatever we want.”

Cas smiled before kissing Dean once again, “I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

Cas reached over to Dean and began taking off his winter jacket, tossing it on the floor. Dean helped Cas out of his as they made their way over to the bed. Cas straddled Dean’s hips as he lifted off his shirt. Dean immediately pulled him down for a kiss. Cas moaned into his mouth as their kiss deepened. As Dean adjusted his position from below he felt their erections rub against each other. 

Cas began rolling his hips into Deans causing both men to begin to kiss more frantically. After a few minutes, Cas got off and removed the rest of his clothes, Dean followed suit. 

This time Dean got on top of Cas and began kissing him along his jawline. He knew how much Cas liked when he did that and he couldn’t resist. Dean felt their bodies touching everywhere as he sucked on Cas’s neck and jaw. Every movement was making him harder than before. 

After a few minutes Dean began kissing Cas lover and lower down. He began sucking on one of Cas’s nipples causing the other man to moan underneath him.   
As Dean continued licking and sucking, he heard Cas cursing softly. He felt Cas’s hands pulling through his hair and across his back. One last time Dean let his tongue slide over the bud before continuing his way down.

Dean paused at Cas’s crotch taking in the sight of Cas’s erection just waiting for him. 

“You’re beautiful,” Dean said as he traced his finger teasingly over the head, smearing pre-cum around.

“D-ean,” Cas moaned, “Please.”

Dean smiled before he took Cas in his mouth. He heard Cas breathe out heavily as he began moving his tongue around the underside using different pressures to increase Cas’s pleasure. With what he couldn’t take with his mouth, Dean used his hand, pumping up and down Cas’s length. Moving his head faster Dean could tell Cas was unravelling beneath him. Flicking his tongue over the head of Cas’s Dick, Dean heard him moan loudly an d buck his hips up. 

“Dean,” Cas breathed quickly, “I-m gonn-.”

Dean pulled off as he let his tongue slide against Cas’s length. Moving back up, Dean began kissing Cas frantically. Cas could taste himself a bit on Dean as he kissed back sliding his hands down Deans back and over his ass. 

“Dean,” Cas said in-between kisses, “I want you to fuck me.”

Dean suddenly stopped kissing as he sat up saying, “Are you serious? I mean, you’re still hurt.”

“I’m getting better-“

“But what about last time,” Dean asked as he rubbed the back of his head. He looked scared and like he was sorry for what happened before.

“That was your first time trying that. And anyway, we can go slower this time.”

“But Cas-“

“Just make sure you prepare me really well, and then go slowly. Roll your hips more so you don’t have to be so rough.”

“I’m sorry-“

“Dean, It’s fine. You only were doing what I did to you. It’s fine, neither of us could have known how my ribs would feel because of it.”

“Ok,” Dean said moving himself down Cas’s body, “But are you sure?”

“Yes,” Cas said squeezing Dean’s hand, “But only if you want to as well. Don’t just do this because I’m asking. If you don’t feel comfortable-“

“No! I mean yes, I want too. I’d like to try again.”

“Good,” Cas said, smiling, “Just make sure to take it slow.”

Dean nodded as he placed a finger at Cas’s hole. He began slowly circling it around to get Cas used to it being there. After a bit, he stopped saying, “Do you have lube?”

“Oh shit, yea,” Cas said, “Jacket pocket, right side.”

Dean went over and retrieved the small bottle before getting back onto the bed. Pouring the lube onto his fingers he closed it up and tossed it aside. Dean slowly pushed his finger in, stopping at his first knuckle.

“More,” Cas said.

Dean slowly pushed in more until he was all the way in. He began moving his finger in and out faster and faster. After a bit Cas was ready for a second finger. Once again, he pushed in slowly watching Cas’s face to make sure he was ok. Once he was all the way in, he slowly pulled out before pushing back in. He did this a few timed before he began scissoring his fingers. Cas was finally ready for a third finger and he pushed it. Cas gasped out causing Dean to stop quickly.

“I’m fine,” Cas said, “Please keep going.”

Dean managed to push his fingers all the way in. As he began moving in and out faster, Cas started moaning softly. Dean began pushing his fingers in harder, keeping in mind to still take it slowly. Cas’s hear shot back as he let out a loud moan.

“Shit, are you ok?”

“Y-yes, do that again please.”

Dean complied, causing Cas to moan once again. Finally, Dean knew Cas was ready. If he kept his up, Cas would cum before he could even truly get inside of him.

Dean lined himself up, lifting Cas’s legs up and pushed in. He slowly moved in until he was all the way in. Slowly pulling back, Dean reminded himself not to go too fast or hard. He began at this steady and slow pace for a while before he began moving faster. Below him, Cas’s breaths were becoming faster, and Dean could feel his own pleasure building up.

“How are you doing,” Dean breathed as he pushed in harder.

“Fine,” Cas gasped, “I w-ant more.”

Dean began rolling his hips more just like Cas had told him to do before. Lifting Cas’s hips up, Dean changed their position so he could get a better angle. He pushed in as Cas moaned loudly. Dean wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not until he saw the look on Cas’s face. He was dishevelled beneath him hands tightly gripping the bedspread. Dean felt himself getting harder and harder as he pushed in. He kept kitting Cas’s prostate over and over again. 

Dean felt like his body was aflame with pleasure. As he pushed in, Cas said, “I’m gonna-“

“Do it,” Dean breathed, “Cum for me.”

Dean pushed in once more before Cas’s back arched up and he moaned loudly saying Dean’s name. Dean could feel his orgasm begin to go through him as he felt himself coming into Cas. He felt his whole body fill with pleasure as he Called out Cas’s name. After he felt himself coming down, he slowly pulled out before laying down next to Cas.

Cas cupped Dean’s chin with is hand before he began kissing Dean. 

“Thank you,” Cas said as he moved his hand to hold Dean’s.

Dean smiled back as he pushed Cas’s hair out of his face. 

“I love you,” Dean said.

“I love you to.”

The two just lay there for a bit looking at each other. Dean began drifting off until he felt the bed shift. Opening his eyes, he saw Cas walking away towards what he assumed was the bathroom.

He saw the door close and waited for Cas to come back. He was taking quite a long time, but Dean didn’t want to interrupt him. But then he thought e heard something. It sounded like crying but he wasn’t sure. Getting up, Dean walked over to the bathroom. Now he was sure of what he heard and lightly knocked on the door.

“Hey Cas, are you ok?”

“Shit,” Dean heard Cas say, “I’m f-fine.”

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

“Cas, please. I know something’s wrong. I’m sorry for whatever I did. Just please let me help.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“Well then please let me make whatever it is better.”

Dean watched as the door opened and he saw Cas’s eyes red and his face stained with tears. 

“What happened,” He said as he stood in front of Cas who sat next to the sink. 

Cas didn’t say anything before he wrapped his arms around Dean pulling him in tight. For a second Dean just stood there, unsure of what to do. He pulled Cas in closer as he moved one hand to Cas’s back and the other to his head. Dean felt Cas’s tears running over his skin as he continued crying. 

“Shhh,” Dean whispered as he slowly moved his hand up and down Cas’s back trying to soothe him. They stayed like that for a few minutes. Every once and awhile Dean kissed Cas’s head and whispered, “I love you.”

Eventually, Cas sat up pulling away from Dean. Dean whipped Cas’s eyes with his hands before grabbing each of Cas’s hands with his own. He decided not to say anything, and just wait for Cas to be ready.

“I should have died,” Cas said looking at Dean. Dean could see the fear and sadness in the other man’s eyes, and he felt his heart breaking to see him like this. 

“I thought I was dead. Twice. Dean I lost you three times while we were on tour. It was horrible. I was taken from you and I was alone and scared. And then when we got attacked. I didn’t pass out right away. Dean, there was blood, everywhere. It was horrible. I felt like I was going to die. I knew I would. All I could think about was you, and how I would never see you again.”

Cas’s tears were flowing once again and Dean pulled him closely. 

“It’s ok. I understand what you mean. No one should have to go through that Cas. But you didn’t die. And we’re together now and nothing will stop that. It’s going to be hard. We both went through a lot. But it will get better. And I’ll be there for you the whole time. There are going to be times when you need me, and when I need you. But I promise I will be there for you every time. I’ll hold you and I’ll kiss you; I’ll tell you it’s going to be better, and it will be. I would never leave you. I know you might get these memories or flash backs sometimes, and I’ll make sure I’m there to help you through it. I’ll remind you that I’m here, whatever it takes Cas. I love you and I’m going to be there for you, always.”

Cas pulled away his tears still flowing, “I love you.”

Dean leaned over and grabbed a face towel and began softly wiping Cas’s face. Once it was clean and Cas had blown his nose a few times, Dean kissed him slowly, trying to evocate just how much he loved Cas. 

After a few minutes, Cas got off of the counter and the two of them walked back into the bedroom. 

“Maybe we could rest for a bit,” Dean suggested.

Cas nodded as he got into the bed. Dean pulled the covers over them and moved up closely against Cas. Draping his hand over Cas’s chest Dean slowly circled his thumb over Cas’s skin as he began to fall asleep. 

Dean was so in love with Cas. He knew there was nothing that could take that away from him. He was so happy to be with him, and for them to finally be together after so much turmoil. He would do anything for Cas and anything to make him feel better when the memories got too hard for Cas.

As he drifted off he heard Cas whisper, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile. 
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter! Please comment and let me know what you think! :)


	18. Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get used to life in Boston. Cas begins to think something is wrong with Dean.

The next morning Dean woke up with Cas’s arm draped over his chest. For a bit he just laid there and pulled his fingers slowly through Cas’s hair. Soon, Cas started to stir and he opened his eyes. 

“Good morning,” Cas whispered and he began sitting up.

Dean smiled and kissed Cas softly on the cheek before pulling off the covers and rolling out of bed. Cas followed suit and the two began dressing before brushing their teeth and getting ready for the day. 

“You know, we don’t have any food here yet,” Cas said as Dean pulled on his jeans.

“Oh, I guess you’re right. Maybe we could go get some breakfast before we go out shopping for some stuff.”

“Good idea, I know a few places in the city that are pretty good.”

Dean kissed Cas before they got their coats and began walking to the diner. Cas pointed out different places they should remember like grocery stores, the pharmacy, and corner stores. The walk was not too far, but winter was coming and the air was brisk. 

Cas led Dean into the diner. As he opened to door, warmth flooded the air. Taking off their jackets, the two took their seats and began scanning the menu. The waitress came and they ordered their drinks and their food. 

“It’s pretty good,” Dean said before taking another bite of his omelette.

“I’m glad you like it,” Cas said.

After they finished eating, they took a walk exploring more of the city. Dean couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Even though they had gone through so much, it seemed that now, everything was right. Finally they were able to life their lives together. 

“What are you thinking about,” Cas said, noticing the look on Dean’s face.

“You. How lucky I am, how much I love you.”

Cas smiled and squeezed his hand, “I love you too.”

Dean stopped walking, and turned towards Cas. 

“I mean it. I love you so much, and I’m so happy right now. I never thought my life would end up like this. I never thought I would love anyone as much as I love you.”

Taking Cas’s face in his hands, Dean pulled him in slowly kissing him. Cas felt his heart skip a beat as he kissed back. He loved Dean so much too. He was so happy that Dean loved him just as much.

After the two broke away Dean continued saying, “I never want to be apart from you. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

Cas rubbed his thumb over Dean’s hand, “Me too, I love you so much Dean. I want to spend the rest of my life with you too.” 

Dean leaned in and kissed Cas one more time. The two of them began walking once again and headed home. 

 

Over the next few weeks, the two gathered things for their home. It began looking like their place, instead of just some apartment. As they got used to life in the city and living together like this Dean began looking for a job. He found a few places looking for a mechanic in the city and applied. Cas began applying to a few of the colleges in and around Boston to get his master’s degree. 

After a bit, the two were settled in nicely into their home. Dean had gotten a job not too far away. He liked the work, being able to use his hands. And after his time in the military, he was happy to be able to be working with cars again. 

Cas had applied to the schools and now was in the months long waiting period to hear back if he had gotten accepted. He was pretty confident that he would get into Boston College, Boston University and Northeastern University, but he wasn’t so sure about Harvard. He did graduate with the highest honours from the United States Military Academy and in the top ten, but he still wasn’t sure if it would be enough. 

 

A few months had past by and Dean and Cas were out to dinner at a fancy restaurant in the city. Cas had been dying to take Dean here for ages, but this was the first open reservation they could get.

“You look nice in your suit,” Cas said.

“T-thanks, you too,” Dean said awkwardly. 

Cas had noticed that Dean had seemed uncomfortable and ‘off’ for the last few days, but he just figured it was because he was nervous about going to such a fancy restaurant or something. Cas just let it slide, but he was beginning to get worried. 

“Hey, is everything ok,” Cas said, reaching for Dean’s hand across the table.

“Yea, I’m fine,” Dean lied. 

“You’ve seamed off for the last few days and I was just worried something was wrong.”

“I’m fine really,” Dean said forcing a smile, “I’m just not used to things this formal, you know.”

“Yea, I guess you’re right.”

Cas decided to let it slide. If something really was the matter, he was sure Dean would tell him about it later. Despite his confidence in their relationship, he couldn’t help but worry that something had changed. He hadn’t noticed anything, but based on the way Dean had been acting lately, he couldn’t be too sure. 

After they finished eating, they left the restaurant. 

“Want me to hail a cab,” Cas asked.

“No! I mean, let’s just walk around for a bit.”

“It’s starting to snow Dean, don’t you think we should go home?”

“Come on Cas, its barely snowing. It’ll be nice.”

Dean took Cas’s hand and they began walking. Overall it seemed pretty awkward. Dean kept glancing over at him awkwardly and every time Cas tried to start a conversation Dean somehow managed to end it prematurely. 

Eventually, they made it into the park overlooking the harbour. Dean led Cas to a spot where they could see all the boats bobbing up and down in the water. 

“It’s beautiful,” Cas said, admiring the view. The lights were reflecting in the water making it look like it was lit with Christmas lights. 

Looking over at Dean, Cas could tell something was wrong. 

“Hey, are you ok? And don’t tell me no again, I know something is wrong.”

Taking a huge breath, Dean began talking, “Cas, I love you so much. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. It makes me so happy that I spend every day with you. You make me a better person. You have been through the worst moments in my life with me, and you’ve been there with me the whole time to help me through them. I love everything about you, your smile, your laugh, your hugs, your kisses. I love the way you make me feel, the way you make my heart feel. And I never want to spend a day for the rest of my life without you.”

“What are you talking about,” Cas asked. He wasn’t sure want was happening.

Dean got down on one knee and looked up at Cass.

“Oh my God,” Cas said as he felt his heart begin to race. 

“Castiel Novak, will you marry me,” Dean asked, presenting Cas with a ring.

“Dean I- yes, yes, oh my God yes,” Cas said as Dean began putting the ring on Cas’s finger. 

As he stood up, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean. 

“Thank you,” Cas said, “I love you so much.”

Dean took Cas’s face in his hands and began kissing him. He could feel Cas’s warm tears on his cold face as their kiss deepened. Dean was so happy. Cas loved him, and they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. Dean felt as if they were the only two people in the world. 

After a few minutes the two pulled apart, “I can’t believe this,” Cas smiled as he admired his ring, “It’s beautiful Dean, thank you.”

“I’m so glad you like it,” Dean said as he quickly kissed Cas one more time. 

“Of course I do. You know I love you, right?”

Dean laughed before saying, “I know, and I love you too. And I guess now you know why I was acting so strangely for the past few days. I was so freaking nervous.”

“Really? Seriously Dean, you thought I would say no! You’re so stupid,” Cas said laughing. 

“Well, you’re stuck with me now, stupidity and all.”

Cas kissed Dean tenderly. He wanted Dean to know how happy he was. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Cas said smiling, “Common, let’s get home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked this chapter! There will probably only be one more chapter after this, but hopefully it will be a long one! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading my fic, remember to follow my other stories on tumblr at crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com


	19. Never Truly Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for waiting so long for the last chapter! I hope you like it.

Seven Months Later

“Dean, you look fine,” Sam said, “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

Dean adjusted his tie one more time before running his hands through his hair nervously. Today was the day, he was finally getting married. 

Of course, when Cas’s family found out, they were ecstatic. Castiel would be their first child to get married, and they wouldn’t let them get away with a small ceremony. Dean didn’t know most of the people that were coming, but he didn’t really care. All that mattered was Cas. 

As they got in the car Dean nervously shuffled with his jacket. 

“How are you feeling,” Sam asked.

“Nervous, excited, like I’m about to throw up.”

Sam laughed before saying, “I figured as much, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. All you have to do is walk up the isle and say ‘I do’.”

“I guess,” Dean mumbled, “How do you think Cas’s doing?”

“Honestly,” Sam replied, “I think he’s a nervous wreck too, but you guys will both be fine. Just be happy, I know how much you love him, so don’t worry about anything, alright.”

“You’re right,“ Dean said, “Thanks.”

The rest of the ride to the country club didn’t do anything to ease his nerves. Dean was still nervous as hell. He knew there was no reason for him to be, but he couldn’t help it. 

When they arrived, the ceremony was just about to start. He was taken up to the front where the minister would be marrying them. Cas and his parents knew that the couldn’t get married in the Catholic Church, but they still wanted some religious semblance. Dean didn’t mind, he know it was important to Cas. 

Sam stood behind him as the minister said opening words. Honestly, Dean wasn’t paying much attention. All he could think about was Cas, and how much he wanted this to happen. His mind raced back to the first time they met. It had been just over a year ago. Some people had told him that they were rushing into things, but he knew they were making the right decision. 

Dean couldn’t believe they had only know each other for just over a year. It seemed as if he had known Cas for so long. The memories flooded back into his mind. Of when Cas got hurt the first time, of their first kiss, of when Cas was taken away from him, when he thought he would never see Cas again…

“Hey Dean, you ok?”

Dean snapped back into reality just as the music began playing, he remembered that they were stronger because of their suffering. That he could never be closer to anyone than he was with Cas. All that they had gone through together and made it through alive, which just reassured Dean of how profound their bond truly was. They could support one another, and love each other more than anyone else could. 

“Sorry, yea I’m fine Sam.”

As Dean tried to stay relaxed he saw Cas found the corner. Dean felt his heart skip a beat as he finally saw Cas. A warmth of happiness flooded Dean’s body as Cas walked closer. His pulse began to quicken as he came closer and closer to marrying the most important person in his world. 

When Cas finally made his way to the front, taking his place next to Dean, they smiled at each other. Cas smiled softly as his cheeks began to flush with embarrassment and nerves, and Dean let his wide grin spread across his face. 

Cas tried to pay attention to what the minister was saying, but he couldn’t keep his mind off Dean. He felt so happy, but he was also nervous. As he thought about his nerves, he realized there was actually nothing for him to be worried about. He loved Dean so much, and he was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Nonetheless, he couldn’t null the butterflies in his stomach. 

Eventually Cas was back with the rest of the world and was listening intently to the ceremony. It wasn’t very long, but he didn’t mind. He was just so happy about this moment.

As the minister asked Dean if he would take Cas to be his husband, for a split second Cas worried that Dean might say no. His illogicalness was proven wrong as Dean grabbed his hands saying, “I do.” 

As the same question was asked of Cas he squeezed Deans hands as he said, “I do.”

Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of Dean as the minister said, “Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.”

Dean released Cas’s hands from his grasp before he placed his hands at the back of his neck pulling Cas in closer. Cas felt his blood rush through his veins as he became overwhelmed with emotion. He felt Dean’s lips land softly on his and he kissed back. 

After a moment, the two broke apart and smiled facing the guests. By now, everyone was standing and clapping. Cas and Dean began to walk back down the aisle, hand in hand. They were shown into a sitting room to wait until everyone else had made their way to the reception area. 

Once they were alone, Dean pulled Cas in closely and began kissing him passionately. Cas’s heart raced in the moment as he kissed back. After a bit, Dean broke away saying, “I love you so much.”

Cas kissed him softly before saying, “I love you too, and I’m so happy I’ll be spending the rest of my life with you.”

Smiling, Dean stroked his thumb over Cas’s cheek tenderly. 

As they heard music start playing in the neighbouring room, they knew it was time to enter the reception. Dean took Cas’s hand in his as the two opened the doors and presented themselves as a married couple to their guests.

The guests all rose and began clapping as the two walked out. Dean couldn’t help but blushing. He felt a little embarrassed to be in front of all these people, the center of attention. 

Looking over at Cas by his side calmed his nerves. As they began dancing Dean pulled Cas in intimately. They danced slowly as the music played and Dean thought about how lucky he was. With Cas’s head resting on his shoulder he whispered over and over, “I love you,” in Cas’s ear. He felt Cas hum in response, happy with what Dean was saying. 

Soon the dance was over and the two were thrown back into the throng of reality. As the room was once again filled with claps, Cas and Dean walked to their seats and took their places. Dinner started soon and the two enjoyed their meals as they talked to people who walked up to them to congratulate the couple. 

Eventually, a man that was a friend of Cas’s family came up to them. 

“I hear you two met in the service.”

“We did,” Cas said smiling. 

“I was in the service once,” The man, probably in his 70s said, “A long time ago. And I met someone there, much like the two of you met.” The man paused for a moment trying to compose himself, “Of course, it didn’t end quite the same, he died after his aircraft was shot down.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. He understood what the man had gone through, at least to an extent but he didn’t know what to say.

“I’m very sorry sir,” Cas said, with a look of sincerity in his eyes. 

“Its ok, it was a long time ago and I enjoyed it while it lasted. He’s still with me you know, just as the dust in the desert will always blow thick, he will always stay by my side. That’s something we used to say when I served. Of course,” He laughed, “Everyone else was talking about their lady back home, but it had the same meaning.”

“Thank you,” Dean finally said. 

“No, I came here to thank you. To thank you for your service, and to thank you for reminding me that there is still good in this world, and not everyone will end up like Philip and I. Some people make it out ok in the end.”

He smiled and turned to leave, “Just remember to be thankful for each other, and never take what you have for granted.”

Cas turned to Dean after the man left and kissed him, “You know I love you right,” Cas asked. 

“I hope so,” Dean laughed, “We just got married, we’re kind of stuck together.”

“Shut up,” Cas laughed before Dean kissed him. 

“I love you too, and I know you love me as well, and I’m so thankful for that.”

 

As the party was coming to an end, Castiel’s parents came over and wished them well for their future together. Dean smiled as he shook Mr Novak’s hand and gave Cas’s mom a hug. 

Soon the two were heading out the door into the car and were on their way to the hotel. Sam and his father had driven up in Dean’s car allowing him to finally take Cas for a ride in the impala. 

As they arrived at the hotel, Dean handed his car over reluctantly to the valets. The two waked inside and wade their way over to the elevator. They made sure to check into the hotel earlier so they wouldn’t have to worry about it later. 

Once in the elevator, Dean pushed Cas against the wall and kissed him passionately. Leaning in more, Dean cupped Cas’s cheek with his hands as they kissed deeper and deeper. 

Soon enough, they heard the elevator ding and quickly separated. Cas felt himself blush as Dean grabbed his hand, leading them to their room. After struggling with the key, Dean opened the door and they both walked inside. 

Dean turned around, facing Cas and just looked at him for a bit, smiling. Cas smiled back and slowly wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist, pulling him in closer. The two didn’t say anything as they both just looked at each other. Dean eventually brought his hand to Cas’s cheek and kissed him softly. 

Cas felt his heart skip as Dean’s lips touched his. The kiss is tender and loving. He can feel Dean’s emotion run through it. Slowly, the kiss began to grow more passionate and Cas wrapped his second arm around Dean. 

As their lips begin to move more frantically, their bodies begin to push together Dean began to kiss Cas along his jaw. After a few moments, he moved onto Cas’s neck and heard Cas gasp as he began licking softly. 

“Dean-“ Cas gasped, “Clothes, off.”

Dean pulled back and pulled of Cas’s jacket and tie and began undoing the buttons of Cas’s shirt. Dean placed a kiss on Cas’s skin each time he undid a button going down lower and lower. Eventually, all the buttons were undone and he pulled off the shirt. Cas tugged on his arm, silently asking him to stand up. He began kissing Dean and he proceeded to remove Dean’s jacket, shirt, and tie. Once the two were free of clothes on top, Cas traced his fingers over Dean’s muscles tickling his skin. Dean smiled as he felt Cas’s cool touch on his skin. Cas smiled back as he kissed Dean one more time before removing his belt and the rest of his clothes. 

Dean follows suit, and soon the two of them are looking at each other. Dean immediately pulled Cas in quickly and kissed him deeply. He began moving his hands frantically over Cas’s skin. Cas kissed back as their kisses become more desperate. He felt Dean nibble on his lip before he kisses him again. Cas moaned at the slight pain and moved his hands down Dean’s waist onto his hips. He let them rest there before he slid them over Dean’s ass. He felt Dean gasp into his mouth and he smiles to himself. 

Soon the two end up on the bed with Cas on top. Dean looked up at Cas before the two resumed kissing. Cas soon abandoned Dean’s mouth and began kissing down his neck onto his chest. Placing his moth around one of Dean’s nipples, Cas began sucking softly. Dean gasped underneath him as he feels Cas’s tongue flick over the bud. Bring one hand over to the other side, Cas began playing with the other nipple in an attempt to give it just as much pleasure. Dean felt himself grow harder under Cas’s touch, and as Cas began to move lower once again, he feelt Cas’s body grinding against his own and couldn’t help but moan in pleasure.

Making his way down with soft kisses, Cas looked up at Dean before taking his erection in his hand and placing a soft kiss at the head. Dean moaned softly and watched as Cas’s mouth took in his dick. He felt the warmth surround him and his body begins to fill with pleasure as Cas began sucking. 

Cas moved his mouth up and down Dean’s shaft and placed one of his hands at the base to make up for what he couldn’t take. He licked the underside of Dean’s dick causing Dean to curse and thrust his hips up for more. Cas knew how much Dean was enjoying this and he smiled to himself as he began moving faster and faster. He increased the pressure of his tongue and began moving it around the tip.

“Fuck,” Dean breathed as Cas teased him, “Stop- please-“

Cas quickly sat up, looking at Dean concerned, “Is everything ok?”

“Yea, I mean I don’t want to cum yet,” Dean said as he sat up.

Cas smiled and kissed Dean. After a few seconds Cas pulled away and said, “Fuck me.”

“Are you sure,” Dean asked, “Don’t you want to top or-“

“I do,” Cas assured him, “But that can wait. I need to feel you inside me right now. Please.”

Dean kissed him softly as his heart began to race. Quickly he moved on top of Cas as they continued kissing. Dean rested his hips right above Cas’s and took his time grinding their two bodies together as they kissed. The two began letting out gasps and moans until Dean released Cas’s mouth as he tried to catch his breath. 

“I have to get the lube,” Dean said before getting up and going across the room to one of the bags he had packed the other day. Cas sat up and watched as Dean walked away. He smiled to himself watching Dean’s ass as he walked. ‘He’s mine,’ Cas thought as he smiled to himself. 

Dean quickly returned and crawled on top of Cas. He bent down kissing Cas’s lips fiercely before moving back and opening the lube. Dean poured the liquid onto his fingers and gently slid a finger into Cas’s hole. Cas let out a gasp as the cool slick finger entered him. Dean grabbed Cas’s knee and slowly began bringing his finger in and out. After a bit, he pushed his second finger in. Cas could feel himself stretching as Dean began scissoring his fingers. He loved feeling Dean inside of him, making him squirm. 

Cas saw Dean smile as he pushed in a third finger. Letting out a gasp in pain, Cas threw his head back as he adjusted to the sensation. 

“You alright,” Dean asked, stopping his movements.

“Y-ea, just keep going.”

Dean continued slowly letting Cas adjust to the feeling. Soon, he began moving his fingers in faster and faster. Cas began letting out little grunts and moans. Dean could feeling his body growing impatient and he needed to be touched. Bringing his free hand around his cock, Dean began stroking himself in pace with his movements inside of Cas. 

As Dean pushed in, Cas let out a loud gasp as his back arched. 

“You like that,” Dean asked.

Cas replied by letting out a small moan in pleasure, followed by “mmmhm.”

Dean pushed his fingers in as far as they could and began curling his fingers into that spot. He moved his free hand from his cock to Cas’s and began stroking.

Cas’s body was becoming overwhelmed by the sensations rushing through his body. 

“Fuck,” he managed to breathe out as the tips of Dean’s fingers rubbed against his prostate, “Too- close… I need-“

Cas cut himself off with a moan before Dean asked, “What do you need?”

“I need you to f-uck me.”

Dean removed his fingers from Cas’s body and applied a generous amount to lube to his aching dick. Lining himself up at Cas’s hole he pushed in. He watched Cas’s face to make sure he was ok. Once he was all the way in, he pulled back before slowly pushing back in. He continued doing this, moving slowly wanting to make the moment last. 

Dean began kissing Cas’s neck as he kept moving in and out. 

“You know I love you,” Dean whispered.

Cas moaned in reply, wrapping his arms around Dean and squeezing him closer. 

“I’ve loved you for such a long time,” Dean continued as his pace began to quicken. “We both went through so much to be together,” Cas kissed Dean passionately before he let Dean continue, “You’re mine, no one else. No one can take you away from me. Not again.”

“Never,” Cas replied, “Always yours-“

Dean let out a grunt as his movements became more desperate. He wrapped a hand around Cas’s dick and began pumping. He knew Cas was close, fuck, he knew he was too. As he swept his thumb across the head of Cas’s dick, Cas’s body arched up and he let out a loud cry as he came in Dean’s hand. 

Dean felt Cas’s body pulsating around him, with one more push he was cumming as well as he moaned into Cas’s shoulder. The two of them lay there for a few moments before Dean rolled to the side and wrapped Cas in his arms. 

Cas rolled over so he was facing Dean and looked right at him. Cas smiled and pulled his fingers through Dean’s hair, pushing it off his face and tucking a few strands behind his ear. Moving in closer, Cas slowly kissed Dean on the lips. He wanted to be delicate with the kiss. Dean felt himself melt into Cas’s soft kiss. Cas pulled back before placing his hand on Dean’s cheek. 

“You know, I want you to know that I love you too. I love you so much. There isn’t anyone else in the world that I would go through what I did for. And I don’t think there is anyone else besides you who would do the same for me,” Cas brushed his thumb across Dean’s cheek before continuing, “I want you to know that I am thankful for everything you have done for me. For always supporting me, even when we weren’t together. For caring about me so much. For suffering through what you did for me. For loving me-“

Dean leaned in taking Cas’s lips with his. Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth as he felt his tongue against his own. Cas let himself drift away with the moment becoming more and more engrossed as they continued kissing each other. 

“I will always love you Cas,” Dean said, “No matter what, no matter what happens, I will always be there for you, and you bet your ass that I will always love you.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean’s lips softly. The two closed their eyes and began drifting off, exhausted from the day. As they both began losing the battle to sleep, Cas whispered, “Thank you.”

Just as their time as partners in the armed forced had started a few months ago, so was their live as a married couple. And unlike most of the soldiers who split ways with their partners after they had been discharged, Dean and Cas never had. They remained partners through separation, heartbreak, and loss. And they had grown stronger because of it. 

They knew it was unusual, it fact, they knew it was unheard of. But they knew their lives as partners, which had started a few months ago when they were deployed, would against all odds, never end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story, if you did, leave a comment!
> 
> If you liked this story, you can follow my fanfic blog on tumblr at http://crappydestielfanfics.tumblr.com/


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